Naive
by Libertine-skins
Summary: Bella meets her best friend Rose's new bf - Edward Masen, during his bands gig. the problem is Bella knows Rose secretly loves his "cousin" - Emmett. Can she deny the feelings she has for Edward? can he? What about Jake? AH AU
1. Match Box

**A/N: I am re-writing the entire story. Filtering it with new random bits and pieces I have written. It's by no means a masterpiece but I hope it is at least interesting to new and old readers. **

**Chapter 1. "Match Box."**

The air smelt like smoke, the club was dark and the music pulsed from giant speakers under my feet. I tugged on the "dress" Alice had forced me into. Despite the cut of the neck line, I felt it ended far too high up my thigh; a height Rose had said made me look more our age and less like a fifty year old woman that I apparently "always dressed like." My hair kept tickling my shoulders and I wanted nothing more than to pull it up in a sloppy side pony tail. But Alice had insisted I let it hang out. Tonight I was her doll. I was yet to understand how her stupid puppy dog pout had hypnotized me into agreeing that she dress me tonight. Then again no one was brave enough to stand up to that look, not even my father.

The music was foreign and I clenched my jaw wishing I occasionally listened to the radio so at least I would know the chorus. I didn't care that it was only the into music proceeding the band, it still meant Alice was dancing around me, to a rhythm she recognized. Her fluid movements fuelling the pit of fear in me. Quite simply, I couldn't dance. I knew this, Alice knew this. Yet she had insisted I join her on the dance floor. She had insisted I dance in public, with people watching. Shit. I knew my cheeks were colouring just thinking about the people laughing at me, a default I'd inherited from a long forgotten mother. My arms hung limply against my body as I stealthily tried to copy the moves of the people around me. Angela and I had made a game of copying once, but that was before Ben entered the picture. Now she rarely had time to see me. Tonight however, the game clearly didn't work and I was left swinging my arms like a floundering fish. I noticed some girls from school hurrying to distance themselves from me. Rose was off somewhere, her where abouts lost to crowd, with the lead singer of the band that was playing this evening. He had put our name's on "The List" and she had pretty much begged me to come. He was this month's love candy though according to Rose, he was going to be sticking around for longer than the usual ones. Tonight was the grand meet, the best friends and the boyfriend. I had only come because Rose had promised to sweeten my deal and throw in a free car tune up as incentive. Secretly I would have come anyway, I felt it was a best friend's duty to show up and meet him. Alice of course, loved nothing more than a night out had jumped at the chance especially when a 'List' was involved.

This brought me back to this god for saken seedy club. On a Thursday night when I knew I had an assignment due in Lit the next day. It led to me being out on a school night with my fake ID burning a hole in my pocket and causing my police father's face, to pop up every time I walked away from the bar, glasses clinking in my hands. The song ended, Alice stilled next to me and suddenly the crowd began to chant and swell in a single fluid movement, clearly the band was coming onto the stage. I felt Alice grab onto my hand.

"Oh my god, Bella…look at Rose." I glanced up in the direction Alice gestured and my jaw dropped. Rose was standing on the side of the stage. Her tongue was stuck down the throat of what we presumed to be the lead singer of the band. His guitar was thrown casually over his back. Alice and I couldn't see his face but the white shirt and jeans revealed as expected with Rose's boys; a nice body. The lights on the stage flashed around his head, causing his increasingly dishevelled hair to become even more scruffier. Rose seemed to be trying to mould herself to the singer. His hands gliding effortlessly along her hips. Someone obviously gestured to him that the crowd was waiting because his head suddenly snapped towards us.

My eyes connected with his face in that instant and I felt the room shudder. I struggled to swallow. My heart painfully thumped in my chest. I was utterly captivated. I had never seen anything like him in my entire life. His hair was sex hair. His eyes were a piercing green. He was tall, I could tell how tall exactly but I knew Rose was wearing heels and he still seemed to tower over her so I assumed at least six foot. He looked strong, I was vaguely aware another one of the guys was hugely muscular but my eyes only focused on the lead. His shirt was offset with a thin black tie. Cliche indie band style, I bet it was management's idea. My sight went strangely blurry though he was my only focal point. The noise of the club disappeared. All I could hear was my heart thumping and all I could see was this guy's face. I felt like I was in a horribly cliché love movie so I shook my head to the side, like I was emptying water from my ears and within a few moments sight and sound had returned tenfold. I heard Alice mutter wow but I was too shocked to reply. My heart continued to thump. Fans screamed around us as the lead held up his hands, calling for silence and as much as they could, the room full of people quieted.

"Hello, I'm Edward and we're The Cullen's. Enjoy."

He skulled a glass of beer before the beginning rifts of his guitar belt out. I focused on the tendons in his neck. My knees buckled slightly at the sound of his voice but Alice held me up, her face displaying numerous questions; I gestured to the shoes she had forced me into. Alice knew I was lying, there was no way she would be missing how my eyes were obsessively trailing this Edward. His voice was like gravel. It caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. It was sexy. I felt sick. Rose had all the luck.

My eyes flicked to her for the briefest of moments; she was casually leaning against the wall watching Edward perform. A group of scantily dressed girls stood around her, they were swaying to the guitar beats Edward had started to play. The song sounded professionally made. It was beautiful. By the end of it the two of us were so caught up in the music, caught up in the sound of Edwards voice that I didn't even notice the few guys who were trying to dance with us. Alice shot them a dirty look and they backed off her. I, however, never had the courage too and they realised, edging themselves closer to me as though my lack of response was encouragement. One of them leant close to my ear; he stood behind me, his arms loosely gripping my hips. I tried to wiggle away but again, he took it for encouragement. All I could smell was stale beer, his body pressed closer to mine in an attempt to dance. He muttered his name was Mike and compared to the smooth voice of Edward, Mike sounded like a squeaky, immature boy. The song ended and without meaning too, I was shouting and cheering for the band. It was a reflex when I was near good music. I heard Mike mutter "Cullen groupie," before he walked away. Alice shot me a look just as the next song started, her message was unclear.

I was hypnotised by Edward. His presence on stage made it hard to focus on anyone else in the group. But by the third song I was forcing myself to focus on the other band mates; there was a bassist who had straight blonde hair, he looked a little older than Edward but not by much. He was wearing a shirt with a giant C on it, I wasn't sure if the letter was a nod to the band or to his own name. I glanced at the drummer and realised I had been right earlier. While Edward was muscular, this drummer was huge. His body clearly on display as he performed shirtless, intimidating even the drum set he thumped away on. Despite my initial attraction to Edward, I could still appreciate how hot this band was. They were, as Alice would later scream whisper, 'the most attractive band that ever existed.' Of course this declaration would happen at 2am as we scoffed down seedy cold chips on my couch while my father slept upstairs. The main attraction was not how they looked, it was that for a band our age, they were actually talented. This argument was easily backed by the majority of the male crowd giving their music some cred. And the crowd egged their performance on. The louder the crowd was, the more Edward seemed to become energised by it, hyping himself and the rest of the band, making their performance continuously better.

By the end of the night, I was dumbstruck. Despite the numerous bands I had seen play live, the Cullen's were something different. Something outside the realm of local pub bands, these boys were going to make it. Outside in the cold street, waiting for a taxi and Rose, everyone was abuzz with exclamations of the gig. The crowd easily spilled out in all directions around the venue. Alice gripped my hand tightly.

"Wow." I repeated her words earlier. She smirked at me.

"I agree. Wow…that was amazing, did you see the body that the drummer had?"

"Yes, mind you it was difficult to drag my eyes away from the lead…" Alice's tinker bell laughed bounced back at me.

"I could tell."

I sighed. My face flushing its familiar red, "Oh, how embarrassing. I hope Rose didn't notice."

"You hoped I didn't notice what?" I half turned to face her. She must have shot out of the stage door. I figured a backhanded comment at her very public display of affection was appropriate I mean she had practically abandoned us for the entire evening.

"How I was totally ogling the guy you sexed up on stage." Alice laughed, her hand flying to her mouth cutting her off mid-laugh. I expected it was because of Rose's face so I laughed loudly on my own. Alice elbowed me though, which only made me laugh harder. "Geez Rose, it's not my fault he epitomises sex."

"Ummm Bella?" I spun around. My nightmare began. Right next to Rose was Edward. I pretty much came face to face with him. I felt my heart splatter.

"Shit."

Edward didn't say anything. He didn't really need too. He sort of smirked while my face became redder and redder.

"I….your band….umm….wow."

Rose eager to put the attention back onto her, smiled at me. "See Bella here, blushes at the drop of the hat, don't you think it would be amusing to see Emmett make her blush?"

Edward's face clouded for a moment before he started chuckling. "Yes Emmett would love Bella."

"Whose Emmett?" my voice came out fairly squeaky and awkward. I wanted to run and hide.

Edward answered me; he seemed confused by what he was saying. "Oh, he is the drummer of the band…. And my cousin really…"

"Oh. I saw…stage… He was…umm… shirtless."

"Jesus, Bells, you're attempting a career with a lit major and that's all you can say?"

"What would you prefer Alice?" I snapped. My comment creating an awkward silence. I was permanently red now though it was followed by feelings of nausea as I watched Edward wrap his arm around Rose.

"Rose, we had better go pack everything up…it was nice meeting you both." I felt like Alice and I had been judged by Edward and because of me, we had failed. I swallowed hoping to not make anymore embarrassing scenes in front of Edward. A small crowd of people had gathered around him, he smiled at them. Rose muttered something about not waiting for her.

Alice and I stood there for a second longer before she waved her arms up and down, hailing a cab. I was captured though, by Edwards's eyes. I was blatantly starring but I didn't really care. I couldn't help it. I was trapped in a moment. I felt my heart thump loudly again. Al shoved me into the taxi. Her voice calling out another final goodbye, the cab slowly pulled away from the curb and I turned my head as it moved, trying to maintain the connection. I wasn't being crazy, Edward had pretty much walked alongside the taxi as we drove off. Finally, after what seemed like a thousand seconds, and a corner, our connection was broken. My head flickered back and I gazed at the back of the driver's seat. Lost in thought. Had Edward felt the same creepy emotion that connected us? Had he been unable to look away as well or was he just being polite? Oh god, I bet I was a crazy stalker fan. Shit. Why did my heart actually hurt, was I having a heart attack?

"Umm Bella, what was that?"

"What was what Alice?" she glanced at the cab drivers tab counter before glaring at me.

"Bella, I saw the way you two were looking at each other."

"What ever Alice. I think you're seeing things."

"I always do." Yes, you're psychic Alice and I am the Mad Hatter.

"Ah ha." My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was from Rose. I gulped as I read it. The taxi beneath me gave way and I clenched my jaw shut to prevent the bile rising. The six words she had sent me, caused chills to appear up my arms. It caused the strangest emotions to filter through my body, in that moment I actually hated Rose, hated my best friend. Her six words haunted me and they had only just been written. Alice noticed the drastic change in my mood; she elbowed me, mouthing what? I shook my head, preying tears didn't form. Fuck. I was in trouble. I glanced down at my phone; swallowing again I hoped I had read the message wrong. Nope. No such luck.

"_Bella, Need to talk. I think I love Emmett Cullen." _


	2. sway

**I am re-writing. Clark Gable-Postal Service, filtered through my big kid headphones as I edited this. **

**C****hapter 2 "Sway." **

Rose decided not to come to school on Friday. It wasn't like she had anyone forcing her to. She lived on her own in a big apartment complex. Her neighbours weren't particularly polite and she lived next to a deaf lady who had six cats. As a child Rose had done some modelling. Her parents had embezzled some of the money and so as of her sixteenth birthday, Rose had been emancipated from them.

Rose loved the independence; it made her feel older than her eighteen years.

Charlie, my father, refused to let me stay the night. I was to be picked up or dropped off before 2am. Yes I still had a curfew; I think on some unconscious level it was my father's way of proving to my mother he was a good father despite his absence in the first twelve years of my life. Alice's parents had no qualms, she was allowed out as late as she wanted. Actually I don't even think her parents were aware of Alice when she was home. Her parents thought she should be locked away and heavily medicated. Rose and I just felt she needed a good talking to when she got out of hand. So Alice spent more time at Rose's than her own. It made me jealous. The two of them had met before I entered the picture and it seemed to be just another thing the two of them shared.

But then again, Rose had chosen to message me. I understood on some deeper level because although I loved Alice like a sister, she had a flair for the dramatics which made telling her secrets a pain in the arse. Perhaps it's because Rose thought I'd relate better. Whatever the reason;

Rose deciding to skip school the next day meant one thing; avoidance.

You see, I had planned on kidnapping her in Alice's car, getting the truth out of her before the nine o'clock bell. She knew me alas she knew I'd be thinking along these lines. But she messaged just after two am.

In response, the guilt had over whelmed me, I'd bitten all my nails to the quick and I'd barely slept. I had dark bags under my eyes. Alice had offered to fix them. I told her to get lost. She didn't really appreciate it. I didn't dare let her know about Rose's text message.

What does one say?

'oh by the way Alice, Rose thinks she loves someone other than the delicious fuckhot lead singer she's dating?'

And also, it was quite possible I have the teeniest crush on him.

Well, if I was honest to myself. It wasn't possible. It was reality.

Oh god, there was no way I could tell Alice. Yet there was no way I could lie if she asked straight out. Alice wasn't stupid either. Friday morning, she had picked up the fact I knew something she didn't. At first, she actually accused me of having a relationship with Edward. She said the way we looked at each other was eerie, like we had known each other before then. I giggled uncomfortably. I hated how her words made hope spring in my chest and how much I rejoiced at her accusations. Instead, I reminded her of Jake. So she moved on and the secret conspiracy theories leaped to a pregnant Rose. I had felt mildly sick before snorting while drinking coffee.

It wasn't a good reaction.

While I was recovering from practically third degree internal burns, Rose, did however call. It was during my free third period. I was in the library and I had to hurry out. The librarian was a calming elder lady; who wore her hair in a tight bun, called me pet, helped me with any research I needed but wouldn't hesitate to toss me out if she caught me talking on my mobile inside. Rose was prattling on about some party that the Cullen's were having that night. I didn't want to go. I wouldn't know anyone. And I was unsure how many more ways I could embarrass myself in front of the band. The squishy feelings I felt in my stomach at the prospect of seeing Edward again had me wondering how I'd react.

Rose wasn't listening though.

"You have to come! You met Edward last night, Bella, so it's not like you don't know anyone."

"So? That doesn't mean I am automatically invited to one of his band mates party things."

She sighed loudly. "It does so! He said I could invite whoever. I want you to get along well with him Bella." I felt a wave of unease wash over me. Why did she want me to get along well with Edward?

"Well Rose, I embarrassed myself in front of him last night. And I also have the whole guilt festing about your text declaration…."

"Yeah…well, Emmett will be at this party so please come. I want you to meet him."

"It doesn't work like that Rose! I can't meet the boyfriend and one you love….please tell me nothing has happened between you and Emmett?"

She let out a coy little chuckle. "Bella, you know me."

I tried to take a deep breath but I couldn't. I tried to make sense of my own rambling but I don't think I could. "Exactly! How could you! To look is one think, but to touch! Fuck you know what it was like for Alice to be on the receiving end of that Ryan's cheating ways…You can't expect me to be cool with this. What am I meant to do Rose? I am forced to keep your dirty little secret, why did you tell _me?_ Of all people…do you want me to crumble in front of him? Did you want me to blurt it out suddenly at the most awkward time?"

"Jesus. Someone has their panties in a bunch."

"I don't, sometimes I'd wish you'd grow up and stop treating people like your toys…I just think you should consider how Edwa-"

"Edward? You think I should be worried about that selfish bastard? HA! Bella haven't you been listening to me? The way he treats me is disgu-"

"Why does it always have to be about you Rose? Why? What has Edward done for you to cheat on him with his band mate? What? Because from where I stand, all you're concerned about is how this affects you!"

"Fuck Bella, you seem far more concerned with Edward than I'd thought possible…" she was silent for a moment, my heart thumped in my chest. I honestly felt sick for Edward. I was mad at Rose for treating him that way, I was mad that she was letting such an opportunity go to waste. I wanted to be sick. Why was I reacting to her news like this? "Shit Bella, you like him don't you?"

"No." Fuck my life. I answered far too quickly. Too certain. Too obvious. She knew. She fucking knew.

"You do to! Oh my god. This is fucking fantastic. Well I don't share, so get over it."

"Rose, he is not a play thing!" I wanted to stamp my foot but it already felt enough like primary school.

"Well, he is my boyfriend. And I say, you can't have him." I didn't really know how to respond. For starters, she had no real claim. And secondly, why would she bother telling me this, clearly I had no chance anyway, what did it matter.

"What? Rose what are you talking about? You're the one cheating on him!"

"I don't care. I want you to come tonight to meet Emmett."

"Well I don't want to meet him Rose. Plus, Charlie won't let me go. He said I was late back last night so…."

"Have Alice ask him. You know he can't refuse."

I bit my lip. She was right. But I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to hang out with Edward, when I knew what Rose was doing. Meeting _the other guy_ wasn't something I felt I was cut out for. I wasn't a soap opera drama type person. I wasn't built that way. That was Alice. Not me. So I answered with the only acceptable response in Rose's book. "I have plans already."

"With Jacob Black?" it was an excuse I had. I rarely used it and I hated lying to Rose, however this called for it.

"Yes Rose, with Jake so….'

"Jeez you could have just said I plan on having sex with my fuck buddy. BUT I will text you the address in case you change your mind." She hung up abruptly. I felt shell shocked. The jealousy knife cut deeper, leaving me perplexed. If I 'had' Jake, why did I care about Edward so much?

**

How does one explain the confusing relationship I had with Jacob Black? Jake was I suppose, my second real boyfriend. Second, only to Michael who dumped me after I refused to have sex with him. Michael was a filler guy. And at first, I'd thought Jake was the real thing.

He was in a band. They were bloody good, not as good as 'The Cullen's but those boys had a few years on Jake. They performed at local places, much like Edward did. After the initial month, it slowly became obvious to me that Jake had never asked me out nor did he refer to me as his girlfriend. We had met through an ex of Rose. We hung out, listened to the same music, laughed at our mutual love of horror films and played lawn bowls on the reservation. Jake and I had some weird bond that made us best friends. He understood some parts of me better than Rose or Alice.

On my 16th birthday last year, Jake had told me he liked me. In my eyes, our friendship was purely platonic. When he told me it became fuck awkward. I ditched him a lot and tried to put space between us. He didn't like me cutting him out of my life and he eventually talked me into trying. We didn't have a relationship as such, because it seemed like our friendship had just escalated.

I had decided one late night that committing to Jake more would make the relationship seem real. Perhaps it would fill the void I had when I saw Rose date boy after boy, or when Alice would call me at 2am declaring she'd met 'the one.' Jake had taken my virginity exactly two months after we had begun what I referred to as "semi -dating." And now, he still wasn't my boyfriend in the traditional sense, he wasn't even my lover though Rose called him that. Jake was Jake. A guy who I had a good time with, a guy I slept with occasionally but spent more time just hanging out with. Maybe it was because he was also in a band and constantly surrounded by groupies, maybe it was because he didn't get along with Alice or Rose, maybe it was because our past had been based on a plutonic friendship, maybe it was because he had to 'talk me into dating him,' maybe it was because we got along so well; but Jake made me happy, not ecstatic.

The 'relationship' always seemed one sided. Rose claimed he chased me like a dog in heat. Alice tried to be a bit more understanding but she really didn't like him. Their feelings were mutual. Like Charlie, Jake said that Rose was a bad influence. And something about Alice rubbed him the wrong way. Therefore, the four of us never hung out. I separated my friends. I kept him away from them.

I tried not to read anything into it, when he answered on the second ring, on a Friday night at eight pm. He should have been in band practice. I worried he'd been waiting for my call. He whined when he heard my reasons for calling.

"You said you didn't want to catch up, so I made plans Bells." Damn.

"Oh, yeah…I changed my mind…But its fine."

He took a frustrated breathe. "Did you want me to change my plans then?"

"No Jake, don't worry about it. I'll call Alice, maybe she wants to do something."

"Are you sure? It's just band practice….I'd invite you over like usual but no chicks allowed." I heard the beginnings of an argument in the background, the boys hated when he dismissed their practices. Or when I attended and 'distracted' him.

"Jake its fine."

"Ok…You're coming tomorrow though right….maybe you can stay over?"

"Yes I am coming…I still have to ask Charlie but I said I would…Maybe, I'll stay…see ya then, bye Jake."

'Bye babe." I shivered when he hung up.

The night stretched on before me.

**

By nine thirty I was antsy. I changed my clothes, wrote a note to Charlie (he was on his night shift,) and skipped off to the address Rose had sent me. I called a cab, keen on drinking. Perhaps that would take the edge of Edward's looks.

The music was loud. Nothing new for a party. I knocked on the door. Some girl let me in; she looked me up and down. I was nervous as all fuck. I hadn't known what to wear so I'd thrown on Jake's band t-shirt. My jeans were tight and I needed new ones. And I'd worn my security blanket which Alice hated; my leather jacket. It was casual sure. But honestly, I didn't care anymore. This girl was in a dress, a cliché red cup was in her hand. I felt underdressed. I cringed when I remembered the plastic bag I held, holding the booze Jake had bought me last week. I didn't recognise anyone else. I spotted Edward's bronze hair from the door. I lie; I was drawn to Edward like some crazy light and moth affect. He was tucked up in the corner with a blonde guy. He was wearing a leather jacket. He looked just as beautiful as the night before. I took a deep breath to prevent the same reaction as last night.

Feeling anxious, I glanced at my phone and messaged Rose. _Where are you? I'm here_. I steered myself towards Edward expecting him to know where she'd be. My phone vibrated in my hand at the very last second.

_I am at home. Where are you exactly?_

I felt the regret wash over me. Fuck. I knew I shouldn't have come.

_Rose, what the fuck does that mean? You're joking right? I am at the party, YOU INVITED ME TO!_

I turned; ready to walk back out the door and run home hiding under my bed when his head snapped up. A puzzled look washed over his features. I shot him the nervous, lip bitten smile. The type that projected the 'fuck my life' emotions I was currently feeling.

He mouthed "Bella." I smiled in retaliation and his face broke into a crooked grin.

Suddenly my abrupt departure seemed foolish. Imagine if I had missed that smile.

He took a step closer to speak to me I guess. The draw I had to him was creeping me out but it was unstoppable. There was a static in the air. The blonde haired guy who was next to Edward shot me a strange look; I think he was trying to place me. In retaliation I gave him another anxious grin. He shrugged his shoulders and turned around.

What the hell was I doing here? How was I meant to explain to Edward that I wasn't some crazy fan that decided to crash the party without the invitee? I wanted to hit Rose. At this point, I'd settle for Verbal assault. After last night's message and today's phone conversation, she owed me, and now? Two favours. I smirked at the possibilities. Then I remembered the very attractive lead singer that was currently standing in front of me, questioning me with his looks.

"Hey Edward…Rose invited me and I only just found out she bailed like twenty seconds ago…." I trailed off. He nodded. I nodded in retaliation. He gestured to his cup, I nodded. He held up two fingers, signing he'd be back in a second. Fat chance. There was no way I was going to wait for him in a room full of strangers. I shook my head. He took a deep breath before leaning in close to my ear.

The hyper awareness of him in my personal space scared me. Shockwaves of butterflies filled my stomach. I wanted to slap myself. "Fine, follow me, just stay close ok? James is here and I really don't want to deal with him."His voice was love. Rougher than on stage last night. He smelt of liquor. Cigarettes. Booze. And boy.

I was suddenly glad Rose wasn't here. I shook my head, to get out of the daze.

"James?"I questioned. His green eyes drilled in to mine.

"Please, don't ask." He grabbed the plastic bag from my hand, I blushed. His fingers slid into mine, grasping tightly. He lent closer again. "Onwards through the masses." I took an uneasy gulp. I wanted to ask if he was quoting Orwell, or some other writer, but I couldn't find the words. We stared at each other for a second. He shook his head slightly and pulled me in the direction of the kitchen.

There were less people in the kitchen. When the door revolved shut behind us it was quieter, the music became a soft thump. The guitarist with a giant 'C' stood in front of a blender. He looked perplexed. A short girl with long light brown hair stood next to him. She was animatedly waving her hands around describing actions for the blender. Edward lent back into my ear, though it was pointless, I could have heard him without it. Goosebumps prickled the back of my neck.

"Carlisle's soul mate," I scoffed in retaliation. He shrugged. I got lost looking at him again. He smirked. I felt stupid.

"BELLA?" my name was screeched by Carlisle's soul mate. Edward's hand tightened in mine just as I recognised the voice.

"Esme?" Rushing at me, I was suddenly encompassed in her little arms. She was muttering over and over "I can't believe you're here." On about the fifth reassurance I realised she was quite drunk. And most definitely as high as a kite.

Esme didn't let go of my arm for the next ten minutes. She literally dragged me over to Carlisle whose eyes seemed glazed over unless he focussed on her.

My introduction was quite simple. "Carlisle, this is Bella she was in my English class. She is great. I didn't know she was coming." I laughed unashamedly as Carlisle's eyes grew in size. He was probably wondering why he'd never heard of me before. I grinned back sheepishly. He held out his hand and I shook it.

"Carlisle Cullen." I wondered if that's where the name of the band had come from. I figured it was as a good time as any to find out.

"As in _the Cullen's_?"

He nodded like one of those dogs that bounced on your dashboard. His body twisting towards Esme without any thought. "Yep. I am the only actual Cullen. Eddie's a Masen. Technically Emmett's a McCarthy...he changed his name when our parentals married…though both go by the surname Cullen also. They think its rad."

I felt Edward's presence next to me. He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Edward _not _Eddie, Carlisle." They both laughed boyishly. Goosebumps erupted up my arms. Edward continued, "Carlisle, I knew she was young, but hell Bella's year? Jesus." I felt my stomach drop.

As she had done the entire year of English, Esme came to my rescue. "Shut it Masen. Bella is the smartest girl ever. Anyway, I am two years older; she skipped a year."

"What?" his joking demeanour was gone. He looked at me, trying to decipher what Esme was talking about. I felt about five centimetres high. Here I was, the nerdy kid, talking to the fuckhot lead singer of an amazing band, who just happened to be dating my best friend and we were talking about how I was more intelligent than the normal kids my age.

"It's true. I was in an accelerated course…that's why I am still only 17."

His eyes widened in shock. I nervously bit my lip and fidgeted with my jacket's sleeve. "You're only 17! I thought you'd at least be Rose's age…"

"Nah, I skipped a year when I was fifteen and then last year I did what would have been two years above me English…it's kind of complicated and not really party conversation." I tacked the end bit on, hoping he'd drop the subject.

Carlisle smirked. "She's like the English you, Masen."

It was my turn to question. "What?"

Edward smiled at me. "Oh, I did my final year of music like you…it was two years up on me."

"Oh. I have…never expected…no wonder you're amazing on the stage." He laughed nervously. His hands ran through his hair.

"You've seen me perform once."

"Yeah, but I've been to a lot of gigs. And you guys were…I have no words." Edward grinned widely, like my opinion was worth something.

Carlisle muttered a thanks. He swung Esme's hand back and forth in front of us.

Esme started kissing Carlisle then, cooped up in the dimly lit kitchen, with the 'soul mates' and Edward, became quite awkward. And in true Bella style, I started giggling like the child I was. Edward raised his eyebrows at me, after passing me a drink.

Edward nudged my arm. He gestured a smoke. I nodded. Delusional in his presence, I would have followed him anywhere. He took me outside. We sat in the cold air on porch steps, watching the stars and drinking my cheap booze from a plastic cup. We giggled like children as we became drunker and higher. We shared smokes and stories. I worried he was being a bad host. He shrugged it off.

I felt guilty. I liked him. More than I should. More than Jake. I wanted him. He was Rose's boyfriend. The butterflies catapulted around my stomach.

"So you're Rose's best friend?" he must have been psychic. How else would he know what I was thinking about?

"Unless you ask Alice." I laughed. He laughed. The air was tense. He was holding something back.

"Does she..." he trailed off, "a lot?" how was I meant to answer. Rose was Rose. You knew what you were getting into.

I went for the politest term I could think of. "Date?" he nodded. I sighed. "You're her first musician."

"Hers….so does that mean you date muso's?" Something tainted his voice. If I couldn't pinpointed it but the booze told me it was jealously. Perhaps, hope also told me that. He took a long drag of the smoke. I thought about the question, Jake made my stomach flip. I did not want to discuss him.

"Why would you be interested in who I date Edward?"

"Just being nice Bella." He had another motive; I could hear it in the way he asked me.

"Oh." I didn't know how to answer. "Is Rose your type?"

"Why would you be interested in who I date Isabella?"

I bit back the sarcasm as much as I could. "Just being Nice Edward." He grinned. A sour look crossed his face.

"She was." The coolness of the porch washed over me. It was like a bucket of water being thrown over me. It wasn't in what he had said. But the past tense. We both knew.

He inhaled deeply. He took a sip of his drink. I took a gulp of mine. We sat in silence. His fingers wrapped around the label, and he fidgeted with it. In my mindset, it was a nervous action. He gazed up at me, "What do you think about Rose and I?"

I closed my eyes tightly. Anything to avoid his stare. I answered quickly and quietly. "No comment."

Silence penetrated our easy comradeship.

"Wow…That sounds promising….listen I know Rose and I have a fairly unconventional thing going on…but if she wanted out, she'd tell me straight away right?" Emmett's name was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to spill. It was like Edward could sense the guilt seeping off me and had decided if Rose wouldn't say anything, surely I would. "The silence makes it worse you know...if I wanted out, I'd let her know. I'm sure I'd need a good reason though. Like some sort of guarantee…fuck." I still didn't answer.

My heart was thumping away.

Taking a deep breathe I put on the best friend shoes. The cop out. The good girl. The liar. "Edward, I am not the one you should talk to about this. I advise Rose on things I don't know anything about…my advice is find out what she means to you and vice versa."

"Bella, just tell me the truth. What was the last thing you said to her about 'us,' I know you're the best friend and I know this is Rose. And I'm the lead of a band. Neither of us wants anything serious." I stood up. He stood up. In the darkness we were facing each other but I couldn't look him in the face.

"Fine, you want my blunt truth?"

"Yes." He sounded sure.

It was the alcohol. That was the only excuse. "The last time I spoke to her, I told her I wanted you to break up." I bit my tongue immediately and tasted copper blood.

"Break up with me?" I nodded. Silence clung to the darkness. I wanted to turn the light on, but it was too far out of my reach. Edward shuffled closer. I backed into the railing. "Why would you want Rose to break up with me?" he took another step.

My voice dropped to a chill. "No comment." Now he was close. Too close. I couldn't move back anymore. I didn't know if I wanted to. I tried to take a deep breath. It didn't work, all I could sense was Edward. All I could hear was Edwards breathing. I inhaled his scent as he stood in front of me. A mix of my leather jacket, his smell and booze and cigarettes. Not for the first time I was mesmerised by his presence. He put his arms down on the railing, on either side of me, he was locking me in.

"What are you doing?" my voice quivered. Edwards face came closer. I put my hands behind me, not anywhere near his. And I, myself gripped the wood, desperately hoping to find something to cling onto that wasn't Edwards's hair, that wasn't Edwards's face, that wasn't Edward. His lips smirked up and I could only watch them. His eyes bore into mine. Shit. Focus. Rose. Rose. Edward is Rose's boyfriend. Rose. Rose. Rose. It was no use. He was so close. His face was coming closer. I felt the adrenaline propel through my body, I wanted, no, I needed to kiss him.

"I know you can feel it to Bella." I nodded. We needed no words. It was the stupid connection thing I had sensed all night. It was the stupid desire I had in my body that had existed since the first moment I had seen him. It was the lust, the need and the want to be with him. Edward wasn't Rose's, not in the way I was connected to him. And I knew it wasn't just some crush. Or maybe it was. But it didn't feel like that. My face inched closer to his. We were both wearing subtle smirks. We both knew it was wrong. It wasn't fair to Rose. It wasn't fair to Edward. But it was out of our control now. I didn't care what Rose had said about his lousy reputation. I didn't care. To me this was it. And just as we were about to kiss, a car door slammed out the front of the house.

I thought I heard movement. The mood was broken, I pulled myself sideways. Away from his gaze. Away from him. I slumped down on the steps. I fiddled around for my drink. Grasping its edges I took a drink. I stared out towards the yard.

I watched him from my peripherals. I didn't know if I was relieved or devastated. My heart wouldn't slow down for me to decide. Edward stayed standing. He ran his hand through his hair. He gripped onto the ends of it. He muttered something and stormed inside. I closed my eyes in frustration.

He came out with two more drinks about ten minutes later.

"We'll behave alright?" I nodded. We both understood it couldn't happen. He gritted his teeth and launched into a story about Carlisle attempting to make pina coladas inside. I laughed at all the right moments. But something was off. We were both on our best behaviour. Without me realising it, at some time, he had gripped onto my hand.

We didn't talk about Rose. It seemed to be an unspoken decision. I wondered how he felt before he performed. I wondered what it felt like to perform. If he got nervous.

He used his fingers to trace shapes on the back of my hand. The cold air caused us to huddle closer together and the unconscious touching seemed to elevate my heart rate. Made the emotions that were filling me up, scream at fool force. He was humming softly. His eyes closed. A smile on his face.

"What's it like up there?" He didn't need to ask what. He knew what I was referring to. The grin on his face stretched. A look of contentment deepened. His hands didn't cease the patterns on mine.

"Live music is everything. Everything comes to life. Performing is...everything in the room suddenly hits me. It's a rush I guess."I didn't feel the need to respond. Because I knew exactly what he was talking about? I'd seen it on his face when he was up there. I got a similar feeling when I stood in crowds.

Esme and Carlisle eventually joined us. Esme filled us in on the antics of the pina colada saga. This time I laughed because I was there, listening. Carlisle explained the moment he met Esme and 'just knew.' The music from inside thumped away. I also told them I felt bad, taking them away from the party. They all shrugged and said, they'd rather be here anyway. He talked about composing. And performing. He took my phone away and added his number. I stole Esme's and took photos. The night was unreal. I never wanted it to end.

I felt sick because I had almost kissed him.

And he was dating my best friend.

And I knew she was cheating on him.

It wasn't until 3 am that I got home. I snuck in the backdoor. Tip toed up the stairs, I tripped on the top step. Giggling I pulled my phone out to message Esme that I was safe and sound. I noticed Rose had responded.

"_AHHH SORRY. GO HOME. EMMETTS WITH ME ANYWAY ;)" _

My sudden good mood was gone. The night's events caught up to me and I rushed to the bathroom and vomited up all my feelings.

The hallway light went on. I heard footsteps creeping.

"Isabella Swan, it's 3am."

Charlie was awake.

I was so fucking screwed.

High, drunk and underage. Man I was in for it.

***

Charlie was awake when I got up for work. He sat at the kitchen table. His eyes drilled into me as I stumbled down the stairs. I tried to not dwell on the fact I had a hangover. I had to focus on getting as little a grounding as I could manage. I tried to not think about Edward tracing patterns on my hand. But it was hard. I tried to not think about how sweet Esme had been. Or how Rose had messaged another apology. She had even called this morning. I told her I'd stayed because I'd seen Esme, she laughed and offered to come inside, face Charlie and take the blame for breaking curfew. I'd declined. I already felt guilty enough. I was worried how she'd react to me spending the night with Edward.

"Good morning dad." He looked up from his paper.

"Bella." I rummaged through the cupboards, pulling out a bowl and a spoon for my usual cereal. Hearing his voice though I knew it was inevitable, so I spun around to face him.

Channelling Alice, I apologized with a sweet sincerity. "Ok. I am sorry, I got carried away meeting some new friends and I didn't keep a close enough eye on the time." I turned back to my breakfast.

Charlie grumbled a response. "Bella." It came again. I turned and looked him straight in the eyes. With as much conviction as I could muster while my head thumped painfully, I coughed out a weak apology. I hoped it was good enough.

"I am sorry."

"For what this time? Not coming back in time, being drunk? Being _high?_ I am a police officer Bella, how do you think this makes me look….but I understand. You're a young kid. You have a good head on your shoulders…when you're not hanging around _that_ Rose. But Bella, you're almost 18."

It was the new punishment tone. Charlie had been doing this a lot lately. The 'you're almost an adult' start acting like one. He wanted me to focus on school, forget the other stuff. I wanted to scream at him every time he did. What adult at 18, didn't fuck up? Hell, it was the beginning of licences, drinking and voting. Why did he feel the need to freak out over a small indiscretion?

Because he is your father Bella. The chief police father. Besides, since when did breaking the law become a small indiscretion?

I suddenly remembered I'd told Jake I'd go tonight. I guess there was no time like the present to tackle this battle. "Continuing with this trust and acknowledgement that I am also 18, I am just letting you know that I am going out tonight to see one of my friends perform in his band."

"Jacob?" Charlie had no issues with Jacob, his father, Billy had done some litigation work for the station and Charlie had formed a close bond with him. They talked football constantly. It was strange, having Charlie actually approve of a boy I was possibly interested in. I wondered what he would think of Edward. Probably hate him. I sighed.

"Yes Dad."

"It's getting serious ey?" I gave him the look that basically meant shut up. The relationship between Jake and I was at best awkward, so Charlie's interference was only increasing the awkwardness. I didn't want Charlie calling Billy to talk about us. The two of them would probably make it worse. Charlie's face dropped with worry suddenly. "Is Rose going with you?" I never understood why Charlie hated Rose. Alice, he had absolutely no problem with. In fact, he loved Alice and on more than one occasion had pressured me into inviting her over. But as soon as Rose was mentioned his face tightened and he stepped up father concern mode. I hated it.

"No…Rose will probably be doing something with Edward." I couldn't help the pain in my stomach erupt. I couldn't help closing my eyes for a second trying to block out all the mental images I had conjured up of interactions between Edward and Rose. It made me feel sick and I pushed my breakfast away.

"Edward?" I nodded. "As in Edward Masen?" again I nodded. "As in the same boy who know goes by the name Cullen?"

"Yeah." This peaked my interest. How did Charlie know him? "Do you know him?"I tried to act casual.

"Yeah." That was it? No further stories? Nothing? He was leaving me with a sullen, yeah?

"How?" Charlie scratched his chin and looked up at me. I felt like he was accusing me of something.

"I thought you were interested in Jake?" yes well Charlie I was. But then I met Edward. And you know him, how the fuck do you know him Charlie?

"Jesus dad. I can't even ask how you know one of my friends, without you jumping to conclusions." My inner monologue snorted, correct conclusions. But still, irrelevant.

"Friends? Bella," he sighed and I watched intently. This wasn't normal Charlie behaviour. "I know I can't really tell you who to be friends with but please, trust me on this one, please….I don't want you to be friends with Edward Masen." It wasn't much of a warning. But I could hear the subtle threat. The subtle concern leaking in.

My heart constricted in my chest. I thought about the words on the porch. The cigarettes in his fingers. His coat. The laughing. The way my body hummed in agreement when he was close. The way we had almost kissed. fuck. I was screwed. And Rose would kill me. "Sorry, dad it's too late."

"Bella, Please." Charlie was pleading with me? He hadn't pleaded with me since I had moved back home.

"What am I meant to un-friend someone?" Charlie glared at me. "Tell me why and I'll think about it."

He sighed, annoyed. "Fine. He has a record."

"And? I'm sure Jake has a record for numerous things… one if I remember correctly you arrested him for."

"Yes, he does. But Jakes are the usual young kid things; underage drinking, speeding… etc…Edward's record is a bit more diverse than that." I felt a slight nervousness creep in. What did that mean? What past had Edward hidden from me?

"Oh?"

"Yes. His more serious charges had him arrested for possession and intent to sell." Oh. In the grand scheme of things I guess it didn't really matter. But it didn't add up. And my father had mentioned it. The same father who had dismissed the way I'd been high last night. Edward had to have been seriously packing from dad to remember it. But the Edward I knew was not a drug dealer. The Edward I knew was in a band. He was sweet. And incredibly good looking. And liked to trace patterns on my hand. He liked to drink bourbon. And spoke of the rush he got on stage. The Edward I knew almost caused me to betray my best friend. Caused the void I thought Jake had filled, to burst. The Edward I knew was not an addict. And just like that it cleared. I really didn't know Edward.

"Oh." I blinked back the tears. "Ok nice chat dad but I have t get to work now." Charlie smiled at me I could tell though, he had seen the tears. He knew I was upset.

"Sure thing Bells, just be careful ok?" I nodded, still beyond words.

Who the fuck was Edward Masen?

**A/N: Have you ever been warned about someone? **


	3. You Don't Love Me

**Chapter 3 "You Don't Love Me."**

A/N: I'll be quick. Franz "Fade Together" is playing, it's quite lovely. Also my friends band "Cemeteries and Seagulls" - Drugs in Vegas. "Left & Leaving"- The Weakerthans.

I need to clarify…. Facts in Aus town: it's legal to drink, vote, drive at 18. We spell 'our' in Amex 'or' words, ie. Favourite, colour, neighbour. (despite spell check's attempts to correct.)

**Disclaimer: **I am not smeyer. Twilight is something I play around with; Bella and Edward also.

*******

Ironically, I worked in a sports store. I, being the ultimate klutz, advising people on what gear to buy when they played sports. I remember when I had broken my ankle; I'd fallen upstairs and had been on crutches for six weeks. During this time, I had somehow managed to fall over in the mud, dragging Alice and Rose down with me. They had come out, laughing hysterically, while I suffered the humiliation of a sprained wrist hence my arm was in a sling for a week. Charlie had to push me around on a wheelchair. I refused to go to school. Mortification didn't even come close.

The store was called 'Scott's." I'd been there a year and already knew, I was not cut out for a life in retail. Rose had gotten me the job, she used to work with me, until she decided she hated people and told a customer to "fucking go elsewhere then." I was allowed to work here, yes you heard correctly, 'allowed' by Charlie as long as it was less than 20 hours a week.

As soon as I walked through the door, I was confronted. Well it's more of an assault when it's Eric. He was one of the assumed 'good guys,' the kind who seems like some sort of lap dog just so you'd smile at him and it would become the biggest mistake of your life. Once you smiled, you were stuck in a continuous cycle which left you rejecting Eric on almost a weekly basis. Working with him had become my personal hell.

He pounced as I snuck in through the entrance way. "Is it true Bella?"

I snapped my greeting. "Yep, Eric…is what true?" I had no idea what he was talking about. Last week, I had walked in the door and he had wanted to know if Alice was still single, the time before that it had been questions about my coffee choices, before that it had been about stock take. Clearly Eric was an odd kettle of fish, or however the saying went, and I never knew what he was about to ask.

I was still freaking about the news of Edward and a police record. Freaking about how much he was affecting me. "I'm sorry Eric; it's been a rough morning." I smiled. Eric smiled back; he took a step closer, the creepy grin never leaving his face. Maybe I could drag Jake here on one of his days off, just so Eric would get a clue?

"That's alright Bella, I understand. I get how it is after you've had a late night….it's fine honestly…I just wanted to ask you…Did you spend last night with "The Cullen's?"His hands actually rose in quotation marks making it sound like they were rock and roll superstars. Sure, I knew they had a small following but Eric's reaction was a bit extreme.

"Oh... I hung out with two of them I guess? They had a small party there last night….so yes….Rose is dating Edward so…" I hated tacking the last bit on the end. I hated how I was still torn with the news Charlie had told me this morning. It shouldn't mean anything, should it? It just made more of a confirmation. Edward was Rose's boyfriend. He had also been arrested for drug possession. He was my friend. Nothing more. I smiled back at Eric happy that I had sorted it all out. Then it hit me. "Hang on. How do you know this?"

"It was up on their website this morning. There were photos of you and Carlisle with his soul mate. I think it was in the kitchen, there was a blender in the corner of the photo so I guess it was the kitchen, I'm not really sure though." He trailed off. I had the discreet feeling that Eric had been obsessing over the photos. I thanked god that he didn't have my mobile number.

"Yeah, it would have been…Eric; I don't remember anyone taking photos."

"It was on a camera phone. They have some pretty big fans you know…" again he trailed off. I hadn't even thought something like this could happen. I had spent a lot of time with Jake's band and there had never been any weirdo's like this.

"Oh. I'll have to keep a look out."

"You're going to see them again! What are they like? Are they nice? I recon they would be nice. Did you know I think they're rock gods, fuck…What's their house like? Did you meet their manager? I've seen them play twice… do you think you could maybe get their autograph? It would be so bloody awesome. Does this mean you will be going to their gigs all the time?" and then I heard it.

"Pina Colada anyone?" Shit. Carlisle. And here I was with Mr. fucking creepy as stalker. I felt it in my legs, they sort of buckled away. I knew Edward was with him. I glanced up to acknowledge Carlisle and hoped that at the same time I was showing him I was busy allocating jobs. The glance sent my gut into a tailspin. Edward was watching me closely. My heart rate increased. Shit.

"I don't know Eric…."I gulped. I tried to get air into my lungs. I tried to clear my head. First things first, I needed to get rid of their number one fan so I can work out why they are here. And I do NOT want them to realize how lame I am. "Umm Eric can you price the stuff in the backroom?" I unleashed by man eater smile on him. I don't know exactly why I called it that; seeing as I never seemed to have that many men, but Alice had christened it that. It seemed to distract Eric enough though and he didn't realise who had walked through the door.

"Now?" I just nodded and he skulked off. Eric was creepy on the best of days.

"Bella?" Carlisle continued. I laughed.

"Jeez, you're sounding impatient seeing as I just got rid of your number one stalker fan." I smiled at them both. Carlisle's face broke into a giddy look. "He was questioning me about photos from last night that were on your site this morning."

Carlisle's face broke into one of those smiles that were generally reserved for Christmas morning. "Seriously Bella?" I nodded. He whipped out his phone. It was plastered to his ear for a few seconds. Edward just stared at me. I busied myself with one of the refund books. Playing nervously with the papers I stood behind the front desk.

"Hello." The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He took a step closer.

"Hey."I swallowed the fear of the police record, of the boyfriend tag. This was Edward.

"Esme said you got in fine last night." I nervously giggled.

"Yeah, I tripped home."

Suddenly a loud crashing noise entered the store. Edward's head whipped to the entrance before it snapped back. He groaned. I memorized the sound. I was a bit slower to look. I recognized his impressive body first. This guy was running into the store, a giant grin on his face. Dimples making him appear like a giant teddy bear. Recognition placed him. It was the third member of the band. I wanted to vomit. It was far too early for this. Feelings in my gut dropped away. Fuck, what away to meet the infamous Emmett Cullen.

Edward's hand rested on the service desk, right next to mine. His fingers flinched towards mine. I moved mine away. His eyes narrowed and he glared, I pretended not to notice. Edward huffed before turning towards Carlisle. I wondered if I had caused the slight edge to his tone. "Carlisle did you have to?"

Emmett grinned. Almost shouting he demanded "Where is he?!!" I laughed.

Carlisle looked just as excited. His head was snapping backwards and forwards between the backdoor and me. "He is in the back…this is Bella by the way Em." I waved.

If possible, Emmett's grin became larger; he reached over the counter and gave me a hug. I swear Edward made a growling noise but when I looked at him, his hand was drumming on the bench. "Hello Bella nice to meet you….you're awfully short there squirt…"

"Emmett is it? Nice to see you with a shirt on." A boisterous laugh came out of him.

"Oh you saw us perform…with Rose the other night?" I nodded. It was pure and simple twilight zone. He was talking about Rose in front of Edward. What the hell.

"Impressed I was." Emmett seemed antsy. His feet were jumping all over the place. Edgy, in a nervous kind of way. It took me a moment to realize he was excited.

"Oh…you're alright squirt….sooooo can I go scare him Please? Please let me scare him in the backroom. Pleeeeeease." Edward laughed. I tried not to stare.

"Go right ahead Emmett." I heard a pouting noise and glanced at Carlisle. "You can go to Cullen." He grinned.

"Just remember it's your funeral…oh and while you're at it…can you tell him I'm seeing someone so he stops asking me out?" the laughing stopped. Emmett nodded before the two of them raced back towards where Eric was. I mean they literally bounced. I watched Emmett with interest,

I wasn't thinking straight. I was left with _him_. Alone.

I tried to ignore the pull towards Edward that still existed. Momentarily I drifted into a daydream where it was Edward not Emmett who put Eric back in his place, who told him I was his girlfriend.

"Clearly the rest of my band members are used to pseudo celebrity status." His voice startled me back from my moment. I blushed as I turned back to him. We heard a muffled girly scream from the back room and I started laughing. Poor Eric.

"I think Eric called you rock gods if that helps."

Edward sighed and pinched his nose. "Just what Emmett needs a bigger ego?"

I opened a box of stock and fixed the pricing gun. "You seem fairly put out by Emmett."

Edward smirked. "Nah, sounds a bit like that doesn't it? Usually he's my best mate. I'm a little annoyed this morning. Plus you know, we are cousins and all that jazz."

"oh." I wondered why he was annoying him. I presumed it was band related stuff. Edward seemed like the kind of person who'd be embroiled in musician drama. Emmett not so much but I barely knew the guy.

"You see, he just happens to be in love with the girl I'm dating. It's fairly annoying."

"Oh." I didn't say anything. My heart was racing.

"Even more so when she loves him back." So he knew. He sighed. His eyes drilled into mine. I avoided his gaze. I didn't say anything. My work shirt suddenly felt very constricting. The collar seemed to scratch the back of my neck. The tag wasn't sitting right. It was like four hundred degrees in here. The back room was quite. I hoped Eric hadn't lost his cool or anything. There was a very quiet, still and awkward silence. Edward hadn't moved from his spot next to the counter. He was watching to see my reaction. I wanted him to say something else to break the mood.

He didn't.

So instead I made a wide birth, walking around from behind the counter and stood next to a stand that was advertising some new tennis ball. I figured it was a casual enough spot that I could pretend, should my boss walk past, that I was explaining to a customer the finer details of the yellow fluff balls. It also allowed me to watch the counter for customers. Though customers at this time in the morning I didn't expect much of.

Edward made a grunting noise and I turned around to watch him. He was scratching the back of his neck. His head was facing down looking at his shoes. He followed my guise and came and stood next to me. However, he faced me front on.

"So I will skip the pleasantries because well Em had been on my back all morning…. I don't really know how reliable Rose is… but we thought we'd ask you anyway…We're going to a gig tonight…we are watching…. they're locals...I don't mind some of their stuff actually….you've probably seen them…did you want to come?" the butterflies in my stomach appeared. I wondered if he realized how nervous he sounded. Clearly I was not the only one trying to maintain, though failing, this friend façade.

"I don't know what Rose said but if you're going to see 'The Wolves,' that's where I will be."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Oh. Did you already have tickets?"

"No. I am friends with the band."

He nervously laughed. "Jeez. Us and 'The Wolves.' Groupie much?"

"Clever Masen." He flashed me a crooked grin and I struggled to keep my composure.

"So did you need a lift or something? We had planned on chilling at Carlisle's…maybe have our own little party before we go." In the back of my mind I started thinking about Charlie's admission this morning and I briefly wondered, what type of party Edward expected?

"Umm no. It's fine... I usually hang out with Jake and the band before they perform." Why was this so awkward? I felt like this admission about Jake was wounding whatever Edward and I had. It felt like I was cheating on him. Yet he had a girlfriend. He was the one dating Rose. His insecurities about Emmett had nothing to do with me. Well I tried to tell myself that.

"Jake is the lead singer right?" I just nodded.

"Is he the musician you sort of, but aren't really dating."

"Yeah I guess. It's complicated."

"Always is….don't you actually have to write your own music to be classified a musician?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm sorry to disappoint you Edward but Jake and Quil do."

"So you've physically witnessed this?" I wanted to slap him for being a jerk. I knew it was jealousy but I didn't want to go down that path with him I needed to change the subject. I needed to get away from the subject of Jake. I wasn't ready to tell him how complicated it really was. Before I told him, I had been ignoring Jake's calls for the past two days because I wished it was him calling me. How I hadn't once thought of Jake when we'd almost kissed.

"You have a criminal record." Oh my god. Why the fuck did I feel the need to say that? Was there something wrong with me? I slapped my hand over my mouth. Did I like to humiliate myself in front of Edward? Edward's face became paler. Became more troubled. He hastily shoved his hair off his face. His hands slipping into his pockets. I hurried to fix the awkward silence. "My dad's a cop… he told me this morning."

"You were talking about me to your dad?" he sounded relieved. I didn't understand why.

"You came up." A smug look flashed across his face. One that I desperately wanted to wipe clean. How dare he string me along, saying cryptic things about Rose, commenting on Jake's musical ability and now get some sort of relief from my father knowing of his existence.

"How?"

"He was talking about Jake." Smile gone. Mission accomplished.

The serious Edward face came on. He seemed a little embarrassed."I got it a long time ago."

"For drug possession."

"Yeah. I was a little lost… I guess you'd call it that… for a while."

It didn't make sense. How would my father still remember it if this had happened a long time ago? "When you say a long time…you mean?"

He took a deep breath. Something flickered behind his eyes. I wanted him to calm me, to make me forget about the police record. To remind me of everything that happened last night. The honesty in his words. But his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He was lying to me.

"Ok fine, it was only last year but that's not me anymore. I don't generally go around advertising the shit I've gotten myself into, the record label wouldn't sign me if I had a problem…which I don't...and I never did! …Fuck…... I got off on the charges… there was no intent to sell. I can't explain to you why I did it but there is a very valid reason…just so you know."

"You don't have to justify it to me." Even to my own ears I sounded hollow.

He held his hand up, waving away my interjection. "But Bella, I want to. I need to make you understand."

"Understand what?"

"That's not who I am now."

"Why would you expect me to care?" His face cracked. I saw the mask slip. I saw the fear in his face. He put his hands in his pockets. His shoulders hunched forwards. God I was mesmerised. I am such an idiot.

"Don't you?" it was whispered. Vulnerable.

I heard the clock tick on the wall behind me. I heard shuffling in the backroom. My throat went dry. I struggled to swallow the truth; it still found a way to bubble to the surface. Whispering, I knew he could hear me. "I shouldn't."

The silence came back. It wasn't awkward now. It was charged. Where was Emmett or Carlisle? Where was Eric? What else was I meant to say? I just stared at Edward. He parted his lips as though he was going to say something else. I bit my own. Did I want to tell him? Did I want him to break up with Rose for me? Would he? Could I do that to her? Sure I could. The relationship was a scam anyway. They meant nothing to each other. Just sex. The jealousy tightened. Edward lent in and I didn't think I had the strength to starve off another kiss. There was no backdoor slamming shut. No interruptions. My heart thumped painfully. This was it. Edward and I were going to kiss. At work. In front of a tennis ball stand. Edward's hands touched either side of my jaw. His fingers spreading a tingling feeling along my face. My eyes closed on their own accord. As he got closer he turned my head slightly, kissing my cheek. I wanted more. I inhaled his scent. My hands instinctively grabbed onto his jacket pulling him into me.

He chuckled, "Isabella, you have a customer." I swallowed and glanced at the service desk. I wanted to scream. I wanted to kiss Edward. I wanted to slam his body into the shelving behind him. I wanted to hear him moan my name. Fuck. Focus Bella. Serve the customer and get back to it. I smiled without showing my teeth and marched over to serve the lady. When I was done I looked back to where Edward and I had been standing. He wasn't there. No one else was in the shop. I felt sick. Carlisle and Emmett appeared suddenly.

"You weren't kidding Squirt. That kid is a stalker… so we seeing you tonight?" I didn't digest his words. I couldn't focus on what he was saying.

I didn't say anything, I stood there stunned. Carlisle gave me a hug and walked out waving. Emmett stayed behind. I knew he understood. I felt tears in my eyes. This wasn't fucking fair.

"Em, I need them to break up." He smiled sadly at me.

"It will sort its self out."

"When Emmett, when?" I can't fucking wait anymore. It's too complicated. They don't like each other. Why are they still together? They are both fucking around on the other. And if Edward and my relationship is purely platonic in his eyes, I am so fucking screwed.

"When, I am not a fucking dickhead. When Rose believes me. When Edward gets over himself. When Jake is out of the picture."

"There is nothing happening with Jacob."

"Squirt don't lie to me. Eric may stalk our site but Edward spent half the morning looking at the Wolves' web page. Every single picture you're in it. In every single photo of Jake his arm is around you. Edward's doing what he does best, ignoring the problem. He just…he's acting different with you. Remember that ok…. I'll see you tonight?" I nodded and just like Edward, he kissed my cheek.

I told a near stranger more than I could process.

***

It felt wrong to be so dressed up. I twirled around in front of the mirror, my new thigh length black dress with black tights on. Alice had chosen it of course. I had put her on loud speaker and dictated the entire contents of my wardrobe to her. She had a date this evening, otherwise she would have come straight over. I think she knew something was up because she kept asking questions about Edward and Emmett. I mumbled a few answers. It felt wrong to be waiting for Jake to pick me up at six thirty. But I was. Part of me wondered if I had put so much effort into how I looked because I knew Edward was going to be there.

"Hello Bella." He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek. I tried not to cringe at his touch. How had I ever thought this situation benefited either of us?

"Jake." I tried to smile properly and he grinned back like a Cheshire Cat.

He glanced me up and down as though appraising. "Something's different Bella." I swallowed the guilt. Fuck. Could he tell I had almost kissed another guy? Could he tell I wasn't up to playing charades anymore? I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away and hide I wanted to have my friend Jacob back, not this screwed up relationship. I wanted out. "New dress?" I nodded. He smiled and causally pulled his arm around me.

"It's the usual tonight. Claire is coming though."

"Great. It's been a while since I've seen her."

"yeah, I think she is still lying to her mother but whatever."

The usual meant we'd hang out with the band at a local bar. The boys didn't drink excessively because of the gig. They all had their own traditions, Quil liked to do shots of tequila. Embry liked to kiss one of the groupies, well I pretended it was only a kiss…and Jake liked to nurse a bourbon with playing a game of pool with their manager, Sam. Claire and I watched this all. It was very mundane boring stuff but every pre-gig get together was different. Every pre-gig get together involved different friends the boys had met, different girls they had gathered.

Claire was a girlfriend of one of the guys in the band, she was also just 16. I remember the first time her mother came marching in and busted her kissing Quil and doing shots with him. Her mother had grounded her for three months. Yes three. It was excessive and hadn't affected their relationship, well not that I could see. Together we were the only regular girls. Sam preferred what he called 'a quick female roll over.'

Claire and I were chilling in a corner booth watching the boys from a distance, watching the groupies strut their stuff. I had to laugh, half of them were the same ones I'd seen stand next to Rose at "the Cullen's," gig. They apprised me with distasteful looks. I took a sip of my drink and laughed. God I wanted to forget the politics of relationships tonight.

Claire nervously took a sip. Though Claire and Quil were so mature about their relationship, Claire was still a young kid. She was still in her early years of high school. I think she had felt weird talking to me like she talked to her closest friends, I was so much older. It was kind of like forced conversation, having said that, we were fairly close due to our frequency at the Wolves gigs. "So Bells, managed to lock Jacob down yet?"

"Nah Claire, I haven't."I hadn't expected her to raise the issue. I wanted to change the subject. Thinking about Jake made me realise how the past few days I had barely given him a thought. I wasn't like Claire. Her life and Quils revolved around each other. He worried about having late gigs because she had school the next day. She worried that he would lose interest in her because she always had to do her homework. It was phenomenal to watch. They had a real connection. The kind that they write about it movies. Jake and I were just not like that.

"You should soon, there are some groupies seriously buzzing… not that you have to worry about Jake or anything...I just meant…I j-" she tended to backtrack when she was nervous. I really wanted to change the subject. I didn't want to think about it.

"Its fine Claire…what do your parents think you're doing every time the boys have a gig?"

She giggled at me. "They think I am helping a political activist campaign…one that demands equal rights for American Indians…biggest load of bullshit. I just have to promise them I won't get arrested or protest on TV."

"So they are fine with that but not Quil?"

"Yes, that's right. It's so unfair. But it doesn't matter what they think. Once I'm 18, we're getting married and then they don't have any say."

"Married? You and Quil?" she smiled and sighed at me. I instantly felt sick, Jesus she was so young.

"Yeah. He's it Bella. I don't see anyone else…he loves me….I'm sure you know... you and Jake have been 'it' for what two years?"

"I suppose." I tried to smile. Tried to keep up the façade. "But don't you just think what if there is something else? _Someone else?_"

"No, I don't. My parents think I have some innocent crush on Quil and he is taking advantage of me. But they don't understand. It's not like Quil is some stranger, I have known him my entire life. He is just everything I want and need, so why continue searching. The idea is ridiculous." I realized then, Claire was feeling somewhat insulted by what I was saying.

Plus, nothing I could ever say would change her mind. "I wasn't referring to you and Quil Claire…just in general you know." She shrugged.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before she spoke up.

"Come on Bells. None of this serious grown up talk… I am after all still a minor… I think it's time we join Quil for some shots… what do you say?" I hated tequila. Too many bad memories with a bottle of Jakes trusty José curveo. Yet I nodded to Claire, keen to ignore the fear in the back of my head. What if Jake thought I was it, all he needed?

***

"You ready for this?" I nodded. Claire nodded. We grabbed each other's hands tightly. Clinked our shotties and downed number 3. Claire burst out laughing with the tequila in her mouth. I laughed openly spraying mine back at her. Salt drenched our wrists and lemon grinds sat on the bar. She pulled me onto the dance floor. It was some flashy number that I barely recognized. Claire sung it directly at Quil. He stood at the bar shaking his head.

The party had moved down to the crowded bar. The audience had filled in quite quickly, 'The Wolves' liked to mingle with the crowd, watch the other bands before they performed. They always gave Claire and I the choice, we could enjoy the show from here or go backstage and watch them prep. Knowing Edward and Emmett were coming, I'd already told Jake I'd be catching up with some friends. But that was still an hour or so away. For now, I was content to shot with Claire. Both of us were under aged but it didn't matter when we had our fakes. She pulled me back to the bar again, keen to get another drink. This one didn't even make it to my mouth, I laughed, spilling it down my front.

"And there goes your new dress Bells." Suddenly everything Jake said was hilarious. I launched onto him. Laughing like an insane women. Next to me Claire was throwing herself at Quil. He caught her and she clinked her legs around his waist. Throwing my arms around Jakes neck, I ran my hands through his jet black hair. Irritation appeared on his face.

"Don't touch my hair Bells." I laughed. He sounded like a little princess. My laughs were cut off mid air when I realized he was serious. I licked my lips hoping I had a little more tequila on them.

"No more Bells, I don't want have to clean up after you later."

"You're no fun _Dad._"

"Christ. Can you imagine how dead I'd be if Charlie saw you?"

Again I laughed like an insane person. He kissed away my laugher though. Kissing Jake was like kissing someone permanently on heat. It was ridiculous. Every kiss, he always tried to deepen it. None of the subtle PDA kisses just full blown, back against the wall. He told me it was because I brought out a strong side of him, but in my eyes it was Jake's way of making sure everyone in the room knew I was his, even when he hadn't claimed me fully yet. To be honest, I hated it. I felt like he was putting me on display. Jake tossed his arm around me as he ordered another beer.

Claire nudged me from my stupor then.  
"And here they are…. Oh my god Bella…isn't that Rose?" I nodded in the direction she was pointing. My mouth went dry. I needed another shot. Like Jakes on mine, Edwards arm was thrown around Rose's shoulders. Rose wore one of her many man eater dresses, short, low cut and red…yet it didn't look tacky on her. She had a tight black jacket draped over her shoulders. Her long blonde hair was scuffed up enough to fuel my jealous fire. I swallowed trying to keep the tequila down. They had, had sex again. Recently. Probably on the way here. When had I become so obsessed with their sex life? The two of them were laughing whole heartedly at something, throwing their heads back in perfect syncracy. I felt my world shatter. Everything Emmett had said to me this afternoon had been a lie. They weren't going to break up, they couldn't, and they loved each other.

I closed my eyes tight. I wanted to get rid of the visual. I wanted to open my eyes and have the entire situation in front of me removed. But it didn't happen. It was irrational. Painful. Aching. Every particle in my body screamed to be her.

My eyes opened and he was still there.

With her.

And I was here. With Jake.

I felt the knife cut into my heart. It was irrational. It was painful. I wanted to scream at him. Cry. Hit something. Rose was kissing him back.

"Is she dating Edward Masen?" again I nodded. I couldn't speak.

Jake took another swig of his beer. "He's a fucking dick that guy." I sobered up and I felt anger pulse through me. It was irrational to feel the need to defend Edward but I did. It was irrational to say anything especially when he was flaunting Rose right in front of me. I couldn't see Emmett. I couldn't see Carlisle or Esme. I couldn't see any of them.

Quil interrupted my analysis of them. "I hate those guys."

"Why?" I didn't recognize my own voice. It was squeaky. I needed another shot. I needed another something, anything to drown out the unconscious Edward pull.

"They pretend we don't have this mass competition for gigs but I know for a fact their manager called up one of the places that had hired us and said we were unprofessional and volia, they got the gig."

Quil's eyes rolled back."Oh that's what happened at Hi-fi yes?"

"Yes! We had it all lined up…I bet it was their dumbarse prick of a lead's idea." Jake tacked the end on and I felt my anger rise.

"If that actually happened the way you said it did Jacob Black then I'm sure that would have been their manager's idea. Not Edwards…I know for a fact he doesn't mind your music."

"You know him?" the feelings in my gut returned. It felt wrong to be discussing Edward with Jake.

"Yeah. I know him…and Carlisle and Emmett…I think they're good guys." I grabbed Jake's beer and took a swig. I knew Jake was staring at me. Trying to get me to spill more. I ignored him. Quil was staring as well.

"So…Claire another shot?" she gave Quil a look. The two of them were conspiring. I drank more of Jake's beer. Quil and Claire moved away from me and Jake. Leaving us alone. Jake glared at me but I kept my eyes on the crowd around us. I hated when he became all defensive.

"Bella, please tell me 'The Cullen's,' aren't the 'friends' you'll be hanging out with later?" again I ignored him. He sounded so angry. So pissed, like I was keeping this from him deliberately. How was I meant to know there was some sort of band rivalry? "Bella."

I snapped. "Yes Jake they are." I took another sip. I didn't care if Jake had already asked me not to drink. I didn't care if I later ran into Edward. I just wanted to forget the sight of Rose and Edward together. "Now I need another drink." I stormed off towards the bar. I was happy that no one followed me. My legs were sluggish, it was more to do with the emotions I was feeling than to do with the alcohol. How had I been so stupid? Why was I being so cruel to Jake? Clearly Edward was happy with Rose and had no need for me. I tried to blink back the tears as I stood at the bar waiting to be served.

"Fancy seeing you here." I recognized the voice but I ignored it. It was coming from my left. I could tell it was Edward. I could feel the pull without him having spoken. "Hey Bella." This time the voice was closer, again I ignored him. He tapped me on the shoulder. I was ice queen. A barman appeared in front of me. He smiled at me and I felt queasy. What was with all the sleazes in this bar? I felt Edward move closer as though trying to scare the barmen away.

"Raspberry lemonade and a tequila shot thanks."

"Sure thing love… that's $14.50." I rummaged in my bag. Where was that free drink card Jake had given me?

Of course he had to answer while I was in bag struggletown. "I've got it."

I didn't miss the irony in what I was saying. "No thank you Edward. I can buy my own drinks thanks." I avoided eye contact, I didn't even turn my head, instead snapping at the space I knew he was standing in. I sounded so angry. I sounded like a jealous brat. I sounded like I was hurt. I through the drink card at the barmen. He stamped it and gave it back to me. "Thank you." I smiled, my man eater smile, hoping Edward would get the hint that I was pissed off at him. I lined up the lemon and salt. My wrist was sticky but I still licked it and put the salt on it. But as I reached for my shot, Edwards hand shot out and grabbed it.

"Another tequila please." The barmen narrowed his eyes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward returned the glare. I stood their patiently waiting for Edward to give my drink back to me. The barmen plunked the drink down in front of Edward. Edward paid, his hand still outstretched over my drink. I knew he was standing directly next to me now. I inhaled deeply, hoping it made me sound pissed off and secretly it allowed me to inhale his scent. Tonight it was a mix of bourbon and smokes. He wasn't wearing his leather jacket then. I mentally berated myself for knowing that without looking.

"Can I have my drink back please?" my tone had turned icy. I still didn't turn my head. I still maintained a distance.

Edward sighed. His voice didn't sound any different though. It was still low, velvety and made my skin tingle. "On the count of three we do it together alright?" I didn't say anything. I pretended I wasn't acknowledging him.

"Bella!" his tone was low. Urgent. Angry.

I avoided his glare and snapped in his general direction. I was fuming. How dare he dictate what I can drink "What Edward, why do I have to do my shot with you?"

"Because it's terribly sad if you're standing at a bar having shots on your own. Plus we're in this together, right?"

I didn't respond straight away. I stared at the wall behind the bar. I tried to think about what he was saying but all I could see was Rose's face. All I could see was that I was in this alone. I was standing at a bar, thinking about the boy next to me while he gallivanted the night away. He obviously didn't feel the same. I was alone.  
"Whatever Edward."

"One…two….jealousy doesn't suit you Bells…three." I shot the tequila and spun around to face him. He was gone. I glanced up and I saw his hair disappear into the crowd. At the last second I saw his face turn to face me. He gave me a meaningful glance that promised we'd talk later. I was overcome with sadness. I swallowed the tears. I hated how I felt. I hated how he made me feel.


	4. Ooh La

**A/n: this chapter has probs the most changes to it. My major essay for my summer sub is due tomorrow but instead I am re-editing this. **

**Soundtrack – oxford comma – vampire weekend, night windows- the weakerthans, lisztomania- phoenix **

**Enjoy. **

Chapter six. "Ooh La."

Once I had calmed myself enough I grabbed my raspberry lemonade and returned to Jake. A groupie had her arm dangling around Jake. She had long blonde hair, clinging clothes and she smirked at me as I walked up.

We were acquainted. Her name was Tanya.

She made me feel inferior. Tanya was the first girl Rose had punched. It took three satisfying days for the mild black eye to fade. One of Rose' ex's had been caught with her. Rose had been upset for a few days.

I felt sick because I wasn't jealous of how she interacted with Jake, but rather knowing she most likely had slept with Edward. She was on the groupie circuit and she was familiar with Rose that meant at the very least she had met Edward. I assumed, based on the minor details Rose had told me, his title as the lead singer of "the Cullen's" and the constant circle of fans around him. Yes, Edward Masen of 'The Cullen's' was more than likely to have had a few groupies in his time. A knife puncture in the gut probably would have hurt less. I slurped through my straw and gestured with a primary school hand wave.

Jake apparently thought it meant I was jealous. Of her and him. As soon as he saw me, he pushed her away from him. I rolled my eyes and pretended to smile. I pretended I cared about her and him. Quil bought me into the conversation. It itched around me. I couldn't hear anything. All I could see was the way Edward had looked at me as he'd left the bar. Jake mumbled something to me. He gestured towards Tanya. I didn't answer. He tugged on my arm. I turned robotically towards him.

My voice was distant. Cold. "I have to go to the bathroom." My eyes strayed from his. The room became a tad blurry, from tears or the effects of the tequila I didn't know. I glanced around the room. I saw Emmett. I saw Rose. I bit my lip to stop from crying. My emotions were fucking all over the place.

I was brought back from my inspections by Claire. "Are you going be alright Bella?" She had that look on her face, the one that said she knew I wasn't myself tonight. But Claire reminded me so much of Esme, and I knew she would go out of her way to help me. Even when, like now, I didn't deserve help.

"I'm fine Claire." She tugged on my arm. Her eyes darting around the room; finally she glanced back and forth between me and Jake.

"Something is wrong isn't it?" she was far more perceptive than I was at 15. I nodded but shrugging off her question I gestured towards the bathroom.

Jake's face looked troubled. He too, held onto my arm. "Will you be alright? I can come with you." I tried to keep my face neutral. I didn't want him to see how upset I was. I shook my head though. He didn't seem convinced but he dropped the subject. "Well Bells, by the time you get back, I'll be backstage…I'll catch up with you later ok?"

I acted on auto pilot. "Sure Jake. Good luck." He lent in to kiss me and as usual he deepened it.

I walked away. The pain slowly fading. The self hatred growing. Technically, all that had happened was Edward and I had done shots. And a few nights ago, he'd almost kissed me. I hadn't pushed him back. Technically that was it. But I knew it was different. I couldn't stop thinking about what he was doing. I couldn't stop wondering what he was thinking about. I shouldn't even be thinking about him. My skin itched to touch his. My emotions savagely rampaged. I knew, deep down that if Edward asked me to, id lie to Rose. I'd do anything he asked and it scared me. At the same time, I knew he'd never hurt me. It was irresponsible for me to think this way. Especially with Jake giving me conspired looks. Especially when Emmett and Rose were creating the situation for Edward to take revenge. All I had to remember was he is my best friend's boyfriend. He is dating Rose. She may be acting like a bitch at the moment but still, she doesn't deserve her best friend to lie, cheat, or hurt her. What I needed to do was put some space between me and Edward. I needed Rose and him to work it out. I knew the reality of that was minimal. It was past the point of space. It physically hurt me to see them together; it hurt me to stay away from him. Fuck I was screwed.

"Bella." I turned towards his voice. I knew it was him; it came naturally, my body's reaction to him. Even amidst the noise from the crowds, even over the in-between band music. I looked up. Edward was close. My heart rate jumped as he walked closer and closer to me. So much for the fucking space. I had forgotten what being this close to Edward felt like. He caused everything I was feeling to bubble to the surface, the anger, the betrayal, the jealousy, lust. Butterflies flew around my stomach, my heart continued to thump. It's beat speaking more than I could in Edwards's presence.

I felt safe. His hands found my face so quickly. They tingled along my jaw line, tracing over my bottom lip. He didn't speak. I didn't speak. His eyes were not wavering from mine. One hand dropped, it clicked on my wrists, our skin on skin touch causing my heart to spasm. My skin was on fire, the connection I had with him was racing around me, icing my veins. "Bella" It was no longer a plea. It was a question. I tried my best to show what I was feeling, I entwined our hands. His fingers easily dominating mine. He grinned the cocky smile I loved to hate.

But before I could even acknowledge him with words, his lips met mine. They crushed into mine, silencing me. They seemed to refuel my drained body, I launched at him, my hands climbing his head until finally they met with his hair. He didn't pull back. He didn't complain my dress was coated in tequila. He didn't ask me not to drink anymore. He didn't tell me, not to touch his precious hair. His lips conveyed lust; I stifled a groan remembering I was still standing in the middle of the floor. I felt him try to push me back but because of my clumsiness and the alcohol I'd drunk we both tripped. He pulled back to balance us and we both laughed. With his forehead resting on mine, he kissed my lips quickly, sweetly and unlike anything Jake had ever done. Tears fell down my face now. I didn't understand why. I didn't want to think why. I filed Rose's name away. I didn't want to think of her. Just of us. Edward wiped them away with his hands. His eyes bore into mine questioning why they were there.

"I don't know." A worried grin flickered over his face. He knew like I did. His face came closer to mine, my eyes focusing on his soft lips, I lent in again, my top lip trailing over his bottom, and I sucked on it until its swollen sight caused me to chuckle. His face creased in annoyance and with a quick glance around us. He lent in to quickly kiss me again. Our tongues fought for a battle of dominance. My moment of weakness was forgotten. Edward's body was pressed into mine. God it felt right. When we did pause to breathe, we were both panting, his eyes ablaze. His forehead rested on mine. His arms were wrapped around my waist. His eyes locked with mine.

"I'm sorry about before." My voice was quiet. I didn't know if I was referring to the tears or the incident at the bar.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't keep doing this." The alcohol clouded my brain. I couldn't digest his tone. I couldn't work it out. This? What was 'this?' Rose and him? Or me and him?

"What?" I needed him to say what I wanted. I needed him to say he was going to dump Rose. I needed him to comfort me. I needed him to tell me I wasn't just another conquest.

"Date Rose….I can't even breathe when that dog uses you as a possession." Clever; Dog, Wolf, Jake.

"You mean Jake?" the anger returned. I didn't like him insinuating Jake was toying with me. I didn't like yet another person attempting to understand what Jake and I had.

Edward realised I was serious. His hands lost grip on my waist. I frantically looked away from his face. I needed space from reality not from him. I put my hands over his; pulling the lapel of his jacket into me. I tried to pull myself closer to him.

His face increased in frustration. His hands gripped mine. "Jesus Bella. Look at us. I can't kiss my own girlfriend without thinking about you and I know you don't even care if a hundred groupies sleep with him." Guilt and anger overwhelmed me. Groupies. Fucking Tanya.

"Please don't Edward."

"Don't?"

"Remind me that I'm forcing you to cheat on Rose. Don't remind me that Tanya is trying to claw her way into yet another bands inner circle."

"Bells, trust me…there is no forcing…" he sighed. His body became a bit tenser and I sensed he saw someone he knew. "I have to go."

With one final quick kiss he departed. He left me standing outside the toilets. My hair a mess. My dress crumpled. My head and heart thumping. Shit. Fuck. Oh my god. My hand flew to my mouth as I rushed into the bathroom. One hand covering my mouth, the other stretched out in front, keeping everyone away from me.

I throw up in the toilet block. Classy I know. A mix of guilt and alcohol. Someone shouted 'Taxi' before a group of people giggled. I purged away all my feelings. Exiting the toilet I rinsed my mouth out and downed about eight mints.

And then it all set in.

I had kissed Edward. I had kissed Edward. Rose's Edward. She was going to kill me. Alice was going to kill me. Jake was going to kill me. I couldn't breathe all I could feel was this pressure. I felt like all the people standing around the toilets were glaring at me. I felt like their thoughts were screaming, "cheater." And I felt the anxiety. The self-hatred return ten times worse. More than the feelings of guilt were the feelings that caused me to bite my swollen lip so that I didn't smile. Edward had just kissed me. My heart felt light.

***

In a daze, I walked around for a bit. Deciding what I was going to do. Should I try and try to find Edward again? What if he was with Rose? Should I give up and go home? How the fuck was I supposed to react around everyone?

"Hey…. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?" I flinched until I found the face. Emmett solved all my problems. He was holding a beer watching the stage. Roadies were flittering around tuning the instruments. From the swell of the crowd. It looked like Jake would be playing soon.

"Hello Em." My voice was all high and squeaky; I was still on a high from Edward. No matter how wrong it was. I couldn't help but smile like crazy.

"Do you come here often?" I rolled my eyes. Great. My guess was a pick up like contest. It seemed very Emmett and I vaguely remembered Rose messaging me for the corniest lines I knew to play with him...

"You invited me remember?"

"Damn squirt….you have more curves than a race track." I ignored him. His eyes narrowed. I blushed and bit my lip. Amused he took a sip and looked around us before answering seriously, his face closer to mine though he avoided all eye contact. "You seem a little too happy for someone who has spent the night as Jacob Blacks arm candy." A brief burst of giggles fell from my mouth. My grin just got bigger. Emmett rolled his eyes and let out a loud laugh. I heard him mutter figures. I noticed lipstick on his cheek then. Reaching up to wipe it away I became aware of how genuinely excited I was.

"Seems like I wasn't the only one. Red really isn't your colour." He smirked at me.

"Cliché much Squirt?"He passed me his beer and I took a sip as he hurriedly rubbed his jaw incase I'd missed any of Rose's lipstick. "Thanks…I have to say though, I knew something was up..." he chuckled and I shot him a glare. "Ok ok, I walked right into that….but in all honestly Bella, you gotta be tired coz you been running through his mind all day…" I ignored the pickup line but actually listened to his words. _His_ mind. _His. _

"Whose?"

"Squirt." He shook his head back and forth. "Half the night Eddie boy has been shooting death glares at Jake in the corner…we had to watch from afar."

"Stalker! Why didn't you come say hello?"

Emmett almost spat his beer out on me. "You're joking right?" he chuckled.

"No." I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, I almost had to hold Edward back when Jake kissed you. Thank god, Rose was off getting our drinks or he might not have controlled himself…anyway about half an hour ago…he came back smelling like tequila with a worried expression on his face and then BAM, he leaves me and Rose alone…together…I mean is he blind? Clearly we have already had the best mate discussion about my Rose…but can you imagine if really was blind? Our band would suck…" I rolled my eyes. Even Emmett's juvenile jokes couldn't keep me from my good mood. "And when he comes back I expect to see him in a worse mood but no. he is acting all stunned. I tried to have a conversation with him and all he mumbled was, 'Bella.' What the fuck did you do to him squirt?"

A grin overcame me. At least I knew I had caused a similar effect. "Nothing Em."

"Ooh La! I don't believe you… I'm guessing something happened near the toilets right?" he winked at me and I blushed. His loud laugh echoed around me. Suddenly it felt like Em was the only person I could trust asking. He was safe.

"Do you think it's right?" he sensed by seriousness.

"What they're doing to each other? Or what we're doing?"

"Both."

"Any normal person would say fuck it's wrong. They should dump each other and get over it. Date us. But they don't have much of a relationship anymore. They rarely kiss unless it's to piss someone off and I know for a fact little Eddie is struggling..." confusion filled my face. Emmett imitated me, he rolled his eyes.

"Huh?"

"They haven't had sex since Edward met you."

"What?" Emmett pretended to put on a solemn face. Mimicking Claire earlier, I attempted to keep the beer in my mouth, though this was me, so I sprayed it out onto the floor. Emmett snorted loudly; a few people around us stepped away. I blushed.

"Bella. It's true…and usually Edward would be going somewhere else…but you've distracted him... all he does know is bitch and moan before writing a few things. It's good for the band I guess." Emmett sighed.

It didn't seem right, it didn't make sense. I knew my best friend. She wasn't likely to let this go. "And what Rose doesn't care?"

"Rose is…I don't know. I guess she doesn't care? She doesn't really say much about it. But of course she knows he is no longer interested….I know I've been keeping her busy…besides she and Edward have always strayed in their relationship….Rose cheated on him after a week; he got back at her with a groupie, I forget her name, though Rose said she bitch slapped her once."

I groaned. "Tanya."

"Yes. Hell it would have been amazing to see the two of them fight." He sighed.

"Just what I wanted to hear, how girls fighting turns you on.…"

"Sorry, but Edward and Rose? It's the most fucked up union I've ever seen. They don't like each other. But they stay together because it's safe. It's easy for him to tell groupies to piss off when he was a girlfriend. Not just groupies but any girl. And now that he feels something towards you, he needs a security blanket before he jumps off the deep end…And with Rose, you know how she is…she always needs to have some guy protecting her. So they were just that to each other. I don't think they realise how much they are screwing with us though. Especially you Squirt. I mean I'm getting some… It's got to be hard." I tried to smile at Em. But the tears over powered my sight. He pulled me into his side. It wasn't the sex and he knew it. It was the constant need I had for Edward.

"Jeez Bella, every time I look up, some guy is wrapped around you." My body froze. I looked up, shock evident across my face. Carlisle stood there, Esme was next to him, she had a strange look on her face. She was smiling but something about the look in her eyes was off. They, of course were followed by Edward and Rose. Edward unconsciously licked his lip. My nails dug into my hand, forcing me to look anywhere but at him. At least now that I knew they weren't sleeping together I could keep the jealous animal at bay. But it didn't stop my lips tingling with anticipation. I finally registered what Carlisle had said. And I looked back at him. What was he talking about? Had he seen me kiss Edward? Did he know?

"What?" my throat was dry. Rose was glaring at me. Did she think Carlisle had seen something happen with Emmett? With Edward?

"I saw you earlier with…is it Jake?" relief caused me to let out my breath. I nodded.

"Yea, Jakes my friend." Edward smirked as though he was more than that. God I hated that cocky smirk. It was the one thing that infuriated me about him. No, not the only thing. But one of. I don't know what possessed me to say it; I wanted him to hurt. Hurt like I was at seeing them together. "Rose calls him my lover but whatever."

Rose laughed and knocked back her drink. Edward became a little paler. I almost felt sorry for him. But then he lent in and kissed Rose. He was doing it on purpose; he didn't just kiss her but bent her body into his, passionately. I felt betrayed. I knew it was to make me jealous but I couldn't see reason. Those lips were for me. They were not for her. I felt Emmett tighten his grip on me. I heard Carlisle cough.

"Bands about to play." I took a step forward and Emmett followed. Neither of us made eye contact as we left Edward and Rose behind us. I hoped he felt juvenile.

"G'day. I hope you're all having a good night." The crowd screamed at Jake. I couldn't help but feel desire, on stage with all those people screaming, Jake had never looked so attractive. The way his guitar was casually slung across his front. The way he gripped the microphone. I thought back to the last time we'd had sex; maybe it was because I was so pissed off with Edward, but suddenly all I wanted was Jacob and I felt very hot. I let out a few girlish screams that caused Emmett to laugh next to me. Perhaps I was a groupie and I'd never known.

"I'm Jake and we're the wolves. On the drums we have Embry... don't worry girls he's single." Again the crowd roared. I got caught up in it and tried to push myself to the front while I cheered. I felt Em and the others move forward with me. The crowd sweltered around me, keeping me locked in. "On the bass, you have my good friend Quil… he's taken." The crowd sighed. I glanced behind me; Rose was tucked under Edward's arm. Esme stood next to Carlisle. And Em was next to me. I felt like we were coupling up. The feelings of jealousy returned. "And I'm Jake…and well… where's Bells?" I blushed. I felt Edward's eyes drill into my back. I put my hand up quietly. Yep, this was the Jake I knew, the one making a claim without actually doing anything. Without actually saying anything. A few girls muttered insults but mostly the crowd cheered for the band. The Wolves were good. Not the Cullen's good. But good enough to get the crowd moving. I knew all their songs so despite the awkward tension in the room; I was still able to enjoy myself. I'd almost lost my voice by the end, even Rose and Esme had joined in with me, the three of us dancing around in our little clump. The band called for a break. The alcohol was pumping around my body, making me dizzy so I didn't even hear the reason for the band taking a break half way through a song...something to do with Quil sulking. I laughed too loudly as random playing music came on. The lights stayed out but by now I was used to it.

Em said he was disappearing to get a drink. It didn't escape my attention that Rose said she'd follow. Feeling confident and pissed that Rose demanded so much of my loyalty tonight, I screamed at Emmett as he walked away.

"Hey EM! It's not my fault I fell in love…" he laughed loudly. Rose stopped walking. She unleashed her questioning death glare on me. Edward followed suit, jeez Jake's comments must have really pissed him off.

"Sorry squirt, I didn't mean to trip you." I laughed back. The tension around me dimmed. Esme and Carlisle went and sat down in the booths. Leaving me with Edward.

We stood awkwardly next to each other for a moment. I swung my arms back and forth in an exaggerated manner. It was always the same when he stood next to me; all I could think about was him. All I wanted to do was hold his hand. Because clearly I was lame and hadn't realized I'd betrayed one of my best friends. He starred at me and I looked away. Finally he caved. He coughed and I looked up at him through my eyelids. "Dance?"

I smirked.

"I can't dance Edward." I tried to give him a sexy look. I wanted him to know how much I thought he was a tease. I wanted him to cave and dump Rose right now. I wanted him to need me. I felt ridiculous but then his adams apple indicated he was having difficulty swallowing. God I loved tequila, had I been sober I would never have acted this way. I would have been tied down with my insecurities. "But maybe you can show me?"

Edward just nodded. Again I watched his adams apple. The music was nothing like what the Wolves were playing; it had a hip hop undercurrent; the type of music that expected you to dance close. A few people were dancing around us. Edward's hands found my hips quickly and I tried to focus on the beat. The song was slow and sexy making it easier for me to not look like such a spaz and to try and tempt Edward. Edward danced right up behind me; he moved my hips to the right rhythm when I lost it. I tried to look over my shoulder to watch Edward but I couldn't clearly see him. I could feel him though. Every single muscle in my body was on high alert. Every part of him was pressed into me. The bond we had was in overdrive. The air was thick with sexual tension. I couldn't breathe properly. The closeness was driving me crazy. I wanted his skin on mine. His hands left my hips for a second and unconsciously I bucked back towards him. Sensually he moved the hair from the back of my neck, leaning down and causing goose bumps to appear over my shoulder, I heard his voice, low with lust plead into my ear.

"Isabella, please stop arching back." I spun around to face him.

My hands effortlessly winding around his neck, pulling him closer to me. "This better?"

He smiled. My hands stayed playing with his hair. We kept up the movement .My body dragged itself forward, filling the gap between us. His hands pulled me closer. His fingers were on me, triggering Goosebumps up and down my skin. I closed my eyes trying to memorise being pressed up so close to Edward. I started dancing better than I had before. He was grinding us together. My heart was thumping so painfully in my chest. I couldn't hear the music anymore. I could only hear the thumping of my heart and Edward's erratic breathing. The energy we were creating was palpable. "Bella, I want to do bad things to you." Edwards's voice was lower than normal. It was dripping with lust. I wanted to leave with him. I wanted him to press me into the wall back stage. I wanted us to have skin on skin contact. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me.

"And we're back." Jakes voice snapped me back to the present. I glanced at the stage and he was shifting around awkwardly. His eyes flashed down and connected with mine. I felt the ever present guilt return. Fuck. Did I have to hurt everyone tonight? I pushed away from Edward, he was smirking at Jake. That cocky fuck. The air was cool and I shivered.

I felt the anger scare me. It was quickly replaced by fear. The arrogance in his face scaring me. He was going to stay with Rose. He was never going to leave her. God I sounded like the mistress of some married man who had deluded himself into thinking he would leave the wife and kids. Rose was Edward's security. I snapped. The tears came. "Hey Edward." he looked at me then. The arrogance wiped from his face. I raised a finger and jabbed his chest. I waited until the song ended. Tears were spilling from my eyes. I waited until he could hear every single word I was saying.

"Stay the fuck away from me until you're single ok? You got that? I can't fucking deal with your games. I am not _that_ girl." I stormed off. I knew Edward and Jake were both watching me.

I was shaking by the time I reached the toilets. They were empty. Everyone was out in the crowd listening to the band. I heard the door swing open behind me. I locked the door afraid Edward was going to burst in.

She called out, quiet but sure of herself. Secure. Worried for me. "Bella are you ok?" Fuck. Kill… me… now.

My voice wobbled. I wiped tears off my cheeks. "I'm fine thanks, Rose."

"Are you sure? You looked a bit upset when you came in here." I could only imagine the look on my face as I stormed through, pushing everyone out of the way.

"I'm fine." I took a deep breath. I needed an excuse. I couldn't tell her, not like this. "I just have some issues with Jake at the moment."

"Oh Bella… I'm sorry about our ridiculous fights at the moment. I'm sorry I'm dumping all this Emmett shit on you…you know how self obsessed I become… is there anything I can do?" yes Rose. You can either dump your boyfriend or leave me alone. The sincerity in her voice, it was choking me, it was clogging my Edward tears, sprouting new ones.

"I just need a few minutes ok?"

"Yeah that's fine… I'll tell Edward to piss off for the moment, he's standing right outside the toilets, and I think he's worried about you...did Jake say something on stage?"

"No." I squeaked it out. My heart thumped painfully. Edward was waiting for me. I stuffed my fist in my mouth to stop Rose hearing yet another sob.

"Bella, I'll come back ok? I'll get rid of the boys…We can have a bit of girly fun… maybe do some more shots?"

"Sounds good Rose. Thank you." I took a few deep breathes. It didn't help. I wasn't this girl. I had said that nights ago. But I wasn't. I wasn't the girl who lied to Rose. I didn't cheat. I had never deliberately hurt Jake. Until tonight.

I spent the majority of the night in the crowd with Rose. We danced like we were the only two in the room. I don't know what she had said to Edward but he stayed away. I saw him once, downing his sorrows at the bar. He looked up and saw me but I turned around and went back to Rose. She was trying to make me have a good time; she was pulling out some ridiculous moves. Ones that made me cackle despite how bad I felt for being her friend. We didn't do any more shots; I didn't want alcohol causing me to reveal anything. At once stage I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I grabbed onto her. "Rose. I am so sorry." She smiled like she knew exactly what I was referring to. She pulled me into a hug like she forgave me. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend she knew.

At 1.30 I realized I would have to take a cab home. Tonight though Charlie's curfew didn't irritate me. Rose offered to come with me seeing as she didn't want me traveling on my own. It was the old Rose. The friendly one who wasn't a bitch. Who didn't see me as a threat. I didn't want her to come. But I said yes anyway, scared of being alone.

Rose said we had to at least tell the boys goodbye and I nodded. I called Jake to find out where he was, I hadn't seen him since the end of his set. There was no response so I just texted saying I was leaving and I'd call him tomorrow. Rose pointed out Emmett to me. We were walking towards them when I heard my own name being spoken. Rose did too, because she elbowed me.

I looked at the group in front of us. Emmett, Edward, Carlisle and some guy with long blonde hair stood facing Jake, Sam and Quil. I couldn't see Claire. The way they were standing caused panic to erupt in my body. Fuck. They looked like they were ready for a fight and knowing these boys weren't friends just about gave me an anxiety attack.

Emmett raised his bottle to them; clearly the conversation had barely started. "I hear I know Bella better than anyone here, if you get my drift," Emmett being Emmett raised his eyebrows fleetingly. I tried to stifle a laugh. Had I been standing next to Em I would have laughed. But I wasn't. And from this angle I could see the dread fill Jake's face.

He snapped. "And what the fuck does that mean?"

Oblivious to his anger, Edward piped up now. "Whatever you want it to mean buddy." My mouth dropped open. Fuck. He had just made it ten times worse. Long haired blonde guy laughed. Rose sighed.

"I am not your fucking buddy. Now tell me what the fuck you mean." He gripped the edge of Emmett's shirts. I wondered if after this many drinks if Em could contain his anger. Especially since it was obvious what that gesture meant. Great now I had to step in. I tried to swallow my fear. It didn't really work. Rose held me back behind Emmett though. With her eyes I realized she was trying to protect me, she assumed fists were going to be thrown and didn't want me in the crossfire. I had to stop that.

Before I had a chance to say anything, I heard Edward pipe up. His voice instantly calmed me. "Jake, he meant nothing by it. It was my cousin's attempt at being funny." Jake dropped Em's shirt and turned to face Edward. The look he gave him, made me feel sick. It can't just be because of how he saw me dancing with him before; that much hatred.

"That would be right, related to you. Another Fucking Masen. Geez here they are…scum all over tonight." I swallowed the bile anger that rose in my throat.

Edward's fists clenched into a ball. The volume of Jake's voice had caused a few more people around us to stand and watch. Clearly I had spent too much time listening to Emmett because all I could think was how this truly was the battle of the bands. Edward couldn't help it. I could see the anger on his face. He turned away from Jake and his eyes immediately snapped to mine. A different emotion flickered across his face. I didn't recognise it. I tried to smile, tried to show him I was happy he'd walked away. Jake hadn't seen me, Emmett's body blocked that but I could see him. He shook his head, muttering he turned his back on all of us, he clearly said one word though, he fumbled, "weak." My eyes drilled into Edward's, I didn't miss how his face snapped.

"I came because I thought the band would be good." Edward's tone was loud and clear, he was mocking Jake. I saw the apology on his face. He was trying to let me know before he hit him. He wanted me to understand why. I didn't. I wanted to slap them both. They were both such egotistical jerks.

Jake coughed. He turned back in my direction, I cowered behind Emmett. "Excuse me?"

Edward's jaw locked. "You heard me. I thought the band was actually going to be good," He felt the need to sound out actually. It didn't help. "But I guess I was wrong."

"I am not simple. I know what you meant. But considering I know who you are, I believed I'd heard wrong…" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the crowd that had slowly formed. Great some small discussion was going to explode into a crazed fight. Rose gripped my elbow. Oh fuck. Edward glanced over his shoulder at me. I think he wanted me to leave now. I shook my head. His eyes narrowed at Emmett and then back at mine. Emmett slightly nodded. Fury over powered me. I could tell what his plan was but No Emmett was not going to grab me and Rose if anything went wrong. Because I could stop this. I could make them not fight.

I stepped away from Rose, from Emmett. "You guys don't have anything else to say to each other tonight…right?" My voice trembled over the words. Edward's hand reached out to steady mine but at the last minute he changed his mind.

Edward's voice was hard. Clear. Threatening Jake not me. "Yep. No worries Bella." Threatening him to stop what they had been about to do though. I gestured the crowd around them. I was aware my jaw was tightened in frustration. Jake still hadn't spoken. His eyes flickered between Edward and mine. We stood shoulder to shoulder like equals but I could sense the tenseness in Edward. He would jump in front of me without a second thought if Jake tried anything. I glanced back and saw Emmett was doing the same to Rose. Carlisle and Esme were no longer in sight; the rush of people had moved them out of the way. There was nothing more than I wanted to do than scream at Jake until he answered.

"See Edward that is where you are wrong. I have one more thing to say to you." I knew Edward would take the bait, knowing he would regret it as soon as it came from Jake's mouth. I looked at Edward; I needed to know he was calm. I needed to be able to trust him. With one look he calmed any anxieties I had. He wanted to get me away from Jake. He raised his eyebrows in his gesture of 'what.'

Jake smirked but anger filled his face. He lent in close to Edward's ear, whispering he stated each word with purpose. "Stay the fuck away from what's mine." He gestured towards me. Edwards's entire demeanor changed. His back became ridiculously straight. His eyes became slits. His hand twitched. The fists were back. I could almost hear the ironic laughing in my head. The first time Jake claims me as his girlfriend, is only to threaten another guy. I was not a bargaining term.

"She is not your fucking possession."

"She is mine."

"Jake please, just let it g-"I was interrupted though. I heard a loud question directed at everyone. "Whoa what is that guy's problem?" the blonde haired guy said.

Rose cut him off; she was talking in her no nonsense tone. This guy, I gathered was trouble. "Take it easy James, it's nothing personal, Jake tends to get a bit carried away regarding Bella…"

"Bella? That slut is Bella?" the insult didn't hurt me. But I turned around to give him a dirty look. The sight in front of my eyes scared me. Edward was closer to hitting this James than he had been to punching Jake. His face was full of fury.

"Edward." He lowered his arm as he looked at me. We were doing a lot of this silent communication tonight weren't we? I tried to take a few steps towards Edward but Jake grabbed my arm.

"Jake, let me go." The grip on my arm tightened. I tried loosening it with my other hand. He didn't budge.

"No fucking way. I am not letting you become dazzled by this arsehole."

Words tonight were going backwards and forwards between everyone. I knew it was coming before I heard it. Edward spat out his angry, jealous tone in Jake's direction. "Let her go."

"Fuck off Masen. This has nothing to do with you. Piss off before my pack fucks you over." I wanted to slap Jake. Why was he acting his way? He let go of my arm and I saw his demeanor slip, the pleading behind his eyes. He was scared I'd walk off with Edward. My eyes trailed away, and focused on Emmett's face, he was taking a sip of beer. His grip around the bottle tightened. Great. Now he was going to start something.

"Oh I get it, you're the wolves. A pack, how cute." Jealous sarcasm didn't suit Edward.

"Trust me. You don't want to mess with me." I'd never heard Jake sound so threatening.

"Oh I don't?" Edward smirked back. He was only adding to Jakes anxieties.

"Jake, let me tell him to go." I saw his jaw attempting to work out if I was serious. I saw him contemplating it. "And then you can drop me home ok?" I announced the last bit with an innocent flirting tone attached. I needed him to let me talk to Edward. I needed him to let me finish this. Finally he nodded.

I tugged on Edward's shirt bringing his attention back to me. Edward looked down, his eyes were wide. His face became clouded. It was like he was remembering where we were, like he remembered what he was not. My boyfriend. My protector. I let go of him as his voice pleaded.

"I'm sorry Bella."

"Go home with Rose." He shook his head, his eyes not leaving mine. The pain ached over my body. The jealousy caused tears. I didn't want him to get hurt. I didn't want Jake to hurt him. "Edward please…." My hands impulsively pushed themselves up Edward's chest.

Jake snapped in. "Bella, can you not?" it was said loudly, so the entire crowd knew what I was doing. He had said it on purpose. He had wanted me to choose. And I hated it. I hated the way he was acting. Without a look back at him, I nodded dumbly. I moved away from Edward and towards Jake. He had that look in his eyes. "Time to go Bells." My heart thumped painfully though.

"Edward, just take Rose home alright."

"Isabella." The way he said it meant everything. The way my body automatically took a step forward.

"Edward." He took a step towards me; I put my arms as a barrier. I didn't want Jake to react.

It was too late.

Jake's voice growled from behind me, he pushed me to the left and I stumbled to regain my balance. His voice shaking as he roared at Edward. "Get the fuck away from her."

Edward's arm sprung back and before I had a chance to stop him, his fist connected with Jake's chin and all hell broke loose. I don't know if it was Carlisle or Rose who dragged me away. I just know that after Edward punched Jake again and they were on the floor. Someone grabbed my arm. The James guy jumped in. I saw a flash of Quil's head before Emmett blocked my view. The anxious crowd around me was throwing fists at anyone next to them. The bar tender was shouting something. A few of the bouncers were in the fray. Jake rammed Edward into the bar just as I was tugged outside. There was a flurry of activity outside. People were rushing around. Calling out to each other. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before the boys in blue showed up. Carlisle was clutching Esme to his chest, his arm rubbing up and down her back. But I could tell, by the way his eyes were darting backwards to the door that he wanted to be in there, fighting. Rose was on the phone talking a mile a minute. I sat with my feet in the gutter waiting for a taxi to pull up. People were rushing around outside. It was loud. The bouncer's were trying to clear the entrance. Clearly it wasn't just Edward and Jake fighting anymore.

Eventually sirens were heard just as Edward and Emmett were tossed outside. The two of them were shoving each other back and forth giggling like little girls. I didn't pay much attention to Emmett. Rose immediately pounced on him and had it been any other day I would have screamed at her. Edward's shirt was ripped. He was sulking but then a cheeky smile would grace his face. Even coated in blood and torn up he took my breath away. Tentatively he put a cigarette in his mouth before taking it out quickly and spitting out some blood. He back of his hand wiped at his mouth. He slipped the smoke back into his pocket. A deep ache appeared in my chest. He was hurt. I wanted to rush and comfort him but I couldn't. My legs wouldn't work. My heart race increased. The bouncer shouted at Edward, "Move along Cullen, before the coppers get here." Edward gestured a thanks with a quick wave. Esme pulled me to my feet and suddenly we were all on the move, heading up the footpath. Carlisle and Edward were in the lead, Esme gripped my hand pulling me along. Rose and Emmett were behind us.

"Jesus Ed." Carlisle walked alongside him.

"Ahhhh I'm fine Carlisle." Esme dropped my hand and ran up to touch Edward's chin. He closed one eye and winced back in pain. We stopped walking.

Esme snapped at him, acting like a disapproving parent. "The label is going to be so pissed off at you Edward." I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was staring back at me, even when he responded to Esme.

"You know it was worth it Es….Though I must say Isabella, I'm not quite sure what you see in that arsehole." Finally breaking eye contact, he spat out some more blood before wiping at his face.

I walked towards him. My lips quivered with fear. Tears rippled my eyelids, my heart thumped. My arms opened and I reached up, putting my tiny hands on his chest, his arms gripped my waist he pulled me into him. I could hear his heart thumping in his chest. I tried to ignore the blood splattered on his collar. My arms grabbed at his back, pulling him as close into me as I could. He hissed as my arm tightened on his ribs. I pushed my head against his chest. I took deep breaths. He held me and I was safe. He was safe. He laughed "are you alright?"

"Am I alright?"

"Yes, you seem a bit…I don't know." He whispered the last bit. His head resting on mine.

"You're the one coated in blood and barely standing." My voice was muffled by his jacket. I realized everyone else had kept walking. I couldn't even see them on the street now; I guessed they would all go back to Rose's.

Edward chuckled to himself before laughing, "You should see the other guy."

I hit his chest lightly. "That's not funny, Jake is a nice gu-"

"Jesus Isabella, I defend your honour and you want to talk about Jacob Black?"

I stepped back from him. "It's not like I asked you to."

"That's what you have to say to me?" he sounded pissed off. Annoyed. His jaw was clenched in frustration; he put the bloody cigarette back in his mouth. The air was tainted with the smell of blood and cigarette smoke. He was waiting for me to speak.

"Right now, yes it is. I need to get home before Charlie realizes I am late."

"Of course, you don't want the police chief to think his daughter is hanging out with druggos…let me get a cab for you." I nodded. He held up his arm and a moment later the taxi appeared. He didn't say anything more to me. I felt my heart thump painfully in my chest.

***

I cried the whole way home.

Sometime during the night Rose messaged me, _"How's your heart?"_ I rolled over.

***

On Sunday morning; Alice came by. She lay next to me in my bed. I spilled my guts. I told her everything. I cried. She cried and yelled at me. She said she knew. Emmett had told her already. I asked when they had become friends. She mumbled something about Rose needing her yesterday. I started crying again. She went down the street and bought me fairy floss. We sat on my bedroom floor stuffing ourselves and watching episodes of Weeds. I got a headache at about episode five. Alice laughed so much that she almost snorted coke out of her nose. We both decided we loved Conrad. My head hurt almost as much as my heart.

I didn't respond to Rose.

Edward didn't call.

Jake called me three times. I didn't answer a single one.

Alice left at four o'clock. She said something about work. But I knew she was going to see how Rose was. I went to bed early. Taking about three painkillers to knock myself out.

*

On Monday; I claimed I was sick. Charlie let me stay home from school. Rose messaged again. Saying she was alright and wanted me to respond. Jake called twice. I didn't respond to either of them. Alice called and I spoke to her in a quiet voice. I was broken and she knew. The embarrassment of Saturday night, mixed with the lack of Edward's concern was hurting me. I was trying to work out in my head how I was going to face Rose. I was trying to work out what I was going to say to Jake. I was trying not to think about Edward. It wasn't working.

*

By Tuesday, Charlie wanted me to go to the doctors. He said a virus had been going around the station and I should think about booking an appointment. I felt the guilt seep lower. Now I was lying to Charlie too. Alice called. I didn't answer. Rose messaged. She said she was going to drop by tomorrow night. I didn't reply. Jake called. He left me four different messages on my voice bank. They ranged from apologies to angry rants. I dialed his number for three rings and then hung up. He called the house and I pretended I was sleeping. I could hear Charlie mumbling on the phone downstairs, he said he'd let me know Jake called.

*

On Wednesday Charlie argued with me in the morning. He had finally clued in that I wasn't really sick. He wanted me to call Jake and fix this argument. He thought it could be fixed. I think he used the word seven times in the one rant.

Fix it.

It can be fixed.

You and Jake will sort it out and it will all be fixed.

All you need to do is talk and it can be fixed.

I know you think something's can't be fixed but this can.

Jake is sorry and he wants to fix it.

Bella, it's too important to give it up, fixing this won't take long.

I stayed silent. I couldn't just wave my arms and 'fix' this. I'd kissed my best friends boyfriend. I had feelings for him. Big feelings. I didn't for Jake. I knew at least two people were going to get hurt. Finally Edward called my mobile. I ignored him and didn't give him the chance to leave a voice message. I just hung up on them. I didn't want to hear Edwards voice. I didn't think I could deal with it now. He messaged me anyway. I threw my phone across the room after I read it.

_Miss your touch. _

It wasn't fair. He wasn't fair. How could I hate myself this much? It was all my doing.

*

Rose showed on Thursday morning. Not Wednesday night like she'd said. Id barely slept a wink the whole night waiting for her. Waiting to hear her wrath. But she marched in after Charlie had left on Thursday morning. I was still in bed. I hadn't showered or changed my clothes since Monday morning. Rose was dressed for school. Her face was tauter. Though she still smiled her Emmett smile. I wanted to grovel at her feet. I felt I should. I wanted t cry and beg for forgiveness. But I was also so angry that it hurt. Why couldn't she and Edward be normal? Why hadn't she told me she knew? Was she upset with me? I sat in my bed numb, tears dribbling down my face. God I was pathetic.

She played the part of my friend perfectly. "Get up lazy bones, you stink."

I couldn't deal with more lies, more fake smiles, more masks. "I'm sorry."

She sighed. "Don't be."

"I should be." The tears filled my eyes but I didn't let them fall down my face.

"Yeah you should… Bella what do you want me to say? Yes I think you're a shitty friend for kissing Edward. Yes I cried when I found out. Yes I'm angry that you kind of betrayed me. Yeah, I know how guilty you must be feeling."

"Rose, I am so sorry."

"I know. And I'm pissed off with you. And with Edward and with myself."

"You're mad at Edward?" she flinched when I said his name. "Sorry."

"Yeah I am a bit. He's a fucking, lying, manipulative, cheating, jerk…sorry." I felt a glimmer of hope that she had apologised to me, it was like she accepted my claim over him. But then I remembered how I wasn't talking to him. How cold he had been to me.

"I'm a fuck load pissed off with you, not just because he's my boyfriend but because you hid how you really felt, I mean I had some idea; but not as Alice says Jake-break-up-feelings and you actually thought I was dumb enough not to notice…give me credit Bella!"

"I'm sorry."

"You apologise too much."

"I know. I just don't know what else to say."

"Well you could say, you'll never do anything like that ever again. Not to me, not to Alice, not to anyone."

"I will never do anything like that ever again." She sighed.

"Mostly I'm mad at myself. Edward hasn't been mine for ages. We built a wall between us. I suppose it was my fault when I hooked up with that rich kid. But I kept it going. He cheated on me with that groupie. Me with Emmett. He with Tanya. Me with Emmett again. And then he met you and I knew from the first night…I just didn't want to believe it… I mean that taxi glare…what was that?"

I shook my head, I was thinking back to when I first saw Edward. When I first became aware of his presence. "I should have stopped it."

"I was jealous Bella. Edward gave himself to you so quickly while I struggled to get him to actually see me outside my body…I still have to struggle with Emmett."

"No you don't. He told me he loves you." she smiled wider.

"He told me last night Bells and that's why I am not angry at you. He kept on and on about how it was the same with you and Edward." I didn't want to correct her. Edward and me, love? I hadn't thought of the possibility. I hadn't digested a chance between us let alone how I actually felt. He hadn't bothered to let me know what was really happening.

"Rose, I'm still sorry. It's meant to be sisters before misters and then I go ahead and che-"

"Yes it is. But Bells, I've been a terrible friend myself. I mean, remember my angry attacks. Remember how I thought you and Em… it's all consequential now." I didn't understand what she meant. "I was just as much a shitty friend, a fucked up girlfriend…I won't try and explain why…but I want to try and be your friend again. I think on some level I told you about Em to get Edward off my back…I know how much of a shitty liar you are…I just didn't expect…." I nodded beyond words. I had thought Rose was going to march in and slap me. I thought she was going to walk in and scream bloody murder. I thought she was going to be cruel.

"I've seen how you are with Edward and I understand, I do. But if for one second you touch Emmett, I will rip your bloody whoreness head off, you got that?" I smirked. That was the Rose I knew. She hugged me. I couldn't believe it.

*

And now it was Friday morning. I wasn't going to school today. A full week off. I hoped I was as smart as I thought I was, otherwise my grades would slip. But today, I had more important things to do. I had other conversations that needed to be spoken. I had other people I needed to see. I told Charlie I was off to see Jake. He nodded. Yes. I suppose he thought I was off to 'fix,' this. I wasn't. I was off to tell Jake I couldn't see him anymore. I was off to rip his heart out.

He had a bunch of flowers to give me. I felt sick. They were yellow daisies. It reminded me of the, 'he loves me, he loves me not' saga I had gone through when Jake and I had started our 'dating.' He'd given me a bunch right after he told me he loved me. Then he'd kissed a girl from his school. Alice and I had picked those little suckers to death. What was with all this cheating? Deep in my mind was the saying, once a cheater always a cheater. Had Edward type casted me as that now? Was any future we had doomed because it was founded on the backs of lies?

Jake didn't waste any time. He sat next to me on the chair outside his house. He didn't put his arm around me again. He'd already tried and I'd shrugged it off. My hands were tightly clasped in my lap.

"You haven't answered any of my calls… so I'll assume you're trying to tell me that you actually like that Jerk?" he had a slight bruise under his eye. I knew it was more than likely an Edward related injury.

"Jake, please…come on." I didn't want to go into what Edward meant to me now. God. Just last week I had stopped Edward from talking about Jake and now it was reversed. Everything was confused.

"What?"

"Don't make this about Edward…it's about us and you know it."

"He is kind of involved isn't he Bella? I mean you have feelings for him right? Have you kissed him? Let me guess, you've fucked him?" I didn't want to answer. When Jake spoke like that, it reminded me of how he thought I was his possession. I hated it.

"No Jacob I haven't slept with him."

"Thank god." He mocked me.

"You have no right asking me questions like that."

"I am your boyfriend." He was trying to act tough, but I could hear how he was crushed. I could hear it. I knew him. Yet I still did this to him. I was a horrible person.

The anger I had from his earlier question spurred my response. "Jake, according to you, we were never "technically" dating."

His face dropped. His hands grabbed mine, they were clammy. "Please Bella, don't do this…I can change. I can cut back on the hours I play in the band. I can make sure there are never any fans in the rooms when I perform. I can take you out on actual dates. Anything."

I untangled our hands. "Jake I c-"

"I'll call you my girlfriend. I'll introduce you to people as my girlfriend." I couldn't keep doing this. I needed to get out. Why had I thought this was going to be easy? How had I thought it wasn't going to hurt me either? I could feel tears building, this was Jacob Black, this was one of my best friends and I was crushing him. Hurting him. Ruining him.

"Jake, please."I can't take it. You can't beg me. Not after what you've said. Not after, how I feel."

"Fuck Bella."

"I think I love him." It spilled from my lips.

He pretended to not hear. But he rebutted all the same. "I love you, doesn't that count?" No Jake it doesn't. It hurts me more than you can know. It hurts me because I see my best friend. I don't see a lover.

"I'm sorry."

. "Don't fucking apologise, I know you're not sorry." He jumped to his fit and walked away from me

"I am." His retreat stopped. He turned around and glared.

Spiteful Jake was back. "Then why are you fucking around with Rose's boyfriend."

"I'm not!" it sounded weak, even to me.

He imitated me. "Jake, I think I love him." I wanted to slap him. I hated him. Why couldn't he let me go?

"That's not fair."

"Either is what you're saying. Bella you're not even trying to fix this."

Ahhh. There was the word. It made me want to vomit. It made me want to scream. It made me think of children's building blocks; now Bella all you have to do is put the triangle in the right hole and everything will be fixed. Come on Bella you can do it. Match the blue rectangle up with the blue outline. Well done Bella! I wanted to scream. No. Not everything can be fixed.

"There is nothing to fix Jake. It's over." The words spat out harder than I'd meant to. Jake looked stunned but only for a second. He lunged at me. I put my arms up defensively. I didn't know what he was going to do. His lips attacked mine and I tried to shove him off. It didn't work. He tried to kiss me like he we had when he first told me he liked me. I stood still I didn't move. He tried to show me how much he wanted me. His tongue edged along my lip. I clamped my mouth shut. My eyes were tightly closed. Jake's hand tried to soften my jaw. I stayed rigid. He sighed and pulled away.

"Don't even think about coming the fuck back Bells. It's over."

**A/N: see mega, mega, mega chapter. I hope it was up to standard…oh and I love, love, love reviews. **


	5. See The World

**A/N: I apologise in advance for the mass amounts of messages in this story. I'm a phone addict so to me its normal... The story is totally different to how it was before and since i've re-edited it, i've had no new reviews. I don't know if its cos no one seems to like the way its going or if its cos seems to be abandoned...what's with all the great ff being removed from the site? Please review, if not - enjoy. **

**Chapter 5 – "See The World"**

I didn't pay attention at school on Monday. Rumours, I guess by then had spread. Words were whispered when my back was turned, hands pointed inconspicuously behind school books. My name became synonymous with groupie. My locker was graphitised in typical revenge style, "cheating slut," sprawled in red permanent texta. I pretended I didn't care. Inside I was freaking, I was dead worried Charlie would hear about it.

It was normal for an all girl's school I guess.

It just had never been directed at me before. I had always been the girl who walked alongside Alice and Rose, who never strayed in my studies and didn't hold grudges. I was the scholarship girl who won awards and was applauded politely on stage. I never drew attention to myself. And now suddenly I was the one who everyone looked at. I felt self conscious when I walked in the corridors. I wondered who had decided to spread the Goss. I wondered who had seen. I wondered what exactly had been said. Was it the kiss? The fight? Rose's breakup? According to the rumours, Edward and Rose's break up took place in the car park last Wednesday. Rose had slapped Edward before pushing him. She had cried. He had gotten defensive. It sort of didn't help that my name apparently had been shouted over and over during their fight. I became paranoid of everyone I sat next to in classes. They all gave me the once over like I had some sort of illness. My week long absence surely hadn't helped matters.

Alice thought it was quite comical. She skipped alongside me. Every person she said hello too glared in my direction. She snapped back "Bella says Hello too," as they hurried to retreat. Rumours of my infidelity caught on and suddenly everyone was declaring how much of genius Jake was. I'd walk past and people I had never met before were suddenly declaring how sorry they were for him to have been entangled in a relationship with me. The Wolves would play in the student's lounges when I entered except within a minute someone had always changed it to The Cullen's live recording. One of the assistant staffers, who'd been helping me all year on my art project.; cornered me as I washed out all my pain brushes. She stated sadly "I thought you were better than that." I wanted to turn around and slap at her.

But then again, _I had thought_ I was better than that.

And then at lunch I approached the table that Rose was sitting at.

I know, ___Quelle horreur!_

The entire room fell silent.

Rose laughed. She pulled out the chair next to her and grabbed my lunch tray shoving my food into her mouth. When I raised an eyebrow in annoyance, her mouth full with chocolate muffin she snapped, "Hey you're the one who started this sharing business."

The whispering started. My face blushed. The attention was uncomfortable. The glares were debilitating. I wanted to go home. But I couldn't let "them" win. I wasn't even sure who my enemy was anymore; people who felt i'd wronged Rose. Girls who disliked my scholarship. I didn't know anymore. I sat with my chin on my hand. My eyes staring out the window, trying to escape the gazes of girls in my year. Trying to forget that Edward had only messaged me once in the past week.

Alice slid into the seat next to me, huffing she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm jealous."

I choked on my food. Alice had always been someone who craved attention but surely, she couldn't be jealous of the hateful stares? "Of what Pix? The attention? You can gladly have it all!"

"No! What I just heard, on my way here. Thanks to Rose's intriguing comments I heard that the three of you; Edward, Rose and you were involved in some sort of threesome sex affair and I WASN'T INVITED."

Rose snorted. She put her arm around my shoulder. "Next time Pix, you're the guest of honour."

Alice smiled widely, "thanks love."

**

Rose invited me over to her house after school. I agreed. Glad that she was seemingly 'over' the Edward situation. But I knew something was up because in the car she ignored my presence. Alice too. I stared out the window y nerves growing as we got closer and closer to Rose's.

I kept checking my phone.

Hoping I would of at least heard from him.

***

Rose and Alice skipped inside. Rose told me to get her mail. She was acting like I was her errand girl. But I guess it was penance.

I was too busy looking at a catalogue to realise the door was shut. I pretty much face planted into it, screaming out in pain as my face smacked the corner of it. I heard someone laugh inside. It didn't sound like Rose. Or Alice. I knocked. Scared of who was on the other side of the door.

"Ahhh, I'm fairly certain it's unlocked." The voice was male and most definitely not Rose's.

He stood in the doorway between the kitchen, in a pair of jeans and an 80's band t-shirt. Eating a bowl of cereal. I felt a wave of nausea hitting me; he looked so comfortable in her shouse. Had often had he been staying at Rose's? A crooked grin flickered across his face when I entered.

"Hello Isabella." I merely nodded. Too gobsmacked to speak.

"Edward." He smiled at me. His hair was scruffier than normal. My god. His hair. I wanted to touch it. His eyes penetrated mine again and I remembered how I hadn't seen it in a week. I felt starved.

"How are you?"

"Fine." I shook my head slightly to regain control. When Edward smiled like that my knees became a little weak. "How are you?"

"Fantastic now." I let that one slip.

"Ummm, where is Rose?"

"Yeah, Rose…ummm…. "He coughed. "She disappeared out the back with Emmett. Sorry." A different grin. More of a grimace actually. I tried to swallow the bile. Great. What a fantastic topic for me to talk to him about. "And Alice was on the phone chatting at a million miles an hour to someone, she disappeared into the spare room."

I sat on the couch and he sat next to me. "Sorry. I...she just...I was unaware you were going to be here. She asked me over, Alice giggled and I thought it meant they were planning on...I haven't heard from you...I." I decided to stop talking then.

He looked amused. I felt safe knowing he wasn't going to say anything about my stuttering.

"Nice uniform there." I blushed. Stupid private school. I kind of hated how I went to an all girl's school, with their snobby uniform and entrance exam. Thank god, I had gone co-ed when I was younger otherwise I'm sure I would have been some sort of boy retard. Yes Bella, because you're so much more immune to boy's charms now. I rolled my eyes. Our uniform was...well...we had knee length kilts, no, not a skirt but a friggin kilt. Finished off nicely with a shirt, tie, jumper and of course our ever classy blazer. Unfortunately for me, Rose and Alice could afford to get their kilts tailored a little better and theirs sat above the regulated length and actually had some sort of shape. I could not afford to get it tailored; I was after all on an academic scholarship. Not to mention my father refused, so naturally my kilt sat long and shapeless making me look like a blob. It was even more noticeable when I shadowed the constantly beautiful Rose and Alice.

I grimaced back at Edward. "Thanks."

He took a mouthful of cereal before the edges of his mouth slipped up. I glanced sideways at him and my eyes narrowed. Yes he was about to makes some smart arse comment. I knew he was aware I was glaring because he was openly smiling now. "It's like a weapon or something; it should come with a warning."

I shot him a look that scolded his sarcasm. "Shut up." He grinned back at me. I couldn't help it, I grinned too. Despite not knowing what we were. Despite freaking out every time I had been in his presence. I felt calm. I had a pull towards Edward. A strange feeling overwhelmed me when I was with Edward; it wasn't just the lust I had by looking at him, but one that seemed to change how I responded. I was more open with Edward, more willing to expose who I really was. That caused havoc with my emotions, usually I was the quiet friend, the one Alice and Rose relied on. But when I was with Edward, nothing else seemed to matter.

I was also hyper aware that he was less than thirty cm away from me.

"So Bella I was wondering what are you doing later tonight?" Edward hurriedly took another bite of his cereal as though it would quench his nerves. If I hadn't been repeating my mantra over and over in my head I might have jumped to conclusions.

"Nothing, I suppose...Charlie expects me home by eight though.... Rose, asked me over here but I don't exactly think there was a reason..." I swallowed the nerves. "Now, please don't take this the wrong way, but did you come over here with Emmett because...I mean...isn't that a little weird? And why are you eating cereal at 4 in the afternoon?!"

"I am picking up my stuff that I left here. And I haven't had breakfast yet." It made sense. In my Edward haze anyway.

"oh." there wasn't really much more I could say. I wanted to ask if they'd broken up because he thought there could be an 'us.' Or if it was more the whole cheating thing.

He brought me out of my daydream. "I guess you heard then." It didn't make sense what he was asking.

"Heard what?"

"Rose and I broke up... I guess you could say...I'm single." My nasty comment from Saturday night came back to haunt me. Was that the reason he was telling me? I wanted to ask. I wanted to know. But I was scared. I blushed remembering how bold I had been.

"Yeah, it was all over school."

"Oh really?"

"Yep. The rumour mill is in full swing...last I heard my sluty groupie, cheating ways, had somehow morphed into a band rivalry and I was the casualty. Oh and I was the reason you broke up...hard to miss really." My voice wobbled. I clenched my jaw down trying to keep the tears at bay. My head hurt. I wanted to go home. I didn't want to cry in front of him. It was becoming too much. The slurs at school. The confused feelings. It was all too much. The weight of it all had been piling up and now it was going to fall. Fuck. I was going to be in hysterics if we continued to talk about this.

"What?" he was shocked but I guess he could sense how I was on the edge, his voice had a comforting edge to it.

I sucked up the pain and let my sarcastic snide come out. "I forgot the greatest bit, I'm pregnant and your band is about to break up."

"Jesus, you're serious!" the outrage was getting to me.

"Everything but the last part. I just hope the janitor cleans my locker before Charlie finds out what was written." I broke down then. My voice snapped in half. The tears spilling. The most unlady like hiccup sobs sprouting from my mouth. He pulled me into his chest. My fists gripping onto his shirt. Clawing at his comfort. His hands running through my hair comforting me as I cried.

"Why are they doing this? Why? I hurt Rose, I hurt Alice, and I hurt Jake. I didn't do anything to "them." Last week the only reason they knew who I was was because of the awards I won. And now? Strangers accost me in the halls Edward. People I have never spoken a word to in my life glare as I walk past. And I was only there one day. How the fuck am I meant to deal with it for the rest of the week?"

"I'm so sorry love. I don't know what to say, I don't know why everyone is being a bitch. I don't know why they all care. Fuck, I am so very sorry it had to start like this." I pretended I knew what he was talking about. I pretended it meant what I wanted.

Alice entered the room about a half hour later. She squished next to us on the couch. She hugged my side and said she was proud of me for not breaking down at school. She started telling me how Jessica Sanders had been caught smoking in the bathrooms after sixth period and tomorrow that would be the only thing anyone remembered. Edward held onto my hand tightly, reminding me he was there. He didn't say much. Just laughed at Alice's stories, his chest rumbling under my body. I filled them in on my art encounter and we joked at the assistant's expense. Emmett and Rose decided to go get us all pizza. We ate in the living room floor, one big happy group. Edward kissed my forehead and Alice drove me home.

His message said "_Trust me, it will be alright." _

I went to sleep believing it.

**

He called Wednesday night. It was after 1am. I lay under my cool sheets. My phone cradled to my ear. The anxious butterflies of a crush in overdrive. I needed a definition. I needed his words. I needed him.

E - "What ya doing Bella?"

B - "Well I was Sleeping Edward."

E -"shit, sorry. I'll speak to you tomorrow."

B - "I'm awake now. Don't worry about it."

E- "I can't sleep."

B - "Why not? Have you tried counting sheep because I watched some doco in psychology last week and it said that counting sheep helped?"

E- "I can't sleep because I haven't seen you in two days."

B - "Wow, cheesy much."

E - "Sorry I've been writing. Turns me to mush."

B -"finished a song yet?"

E -"haven't had time."

B -"prey tell me Edward, what do you actually do with your time outside gigs?"

E -"I have a job. Well two jobs. I am a struggling artist after all."

B -"you're signed."

E -"so? It's not like a gazillion bands aren't signed every year. We haven't even completed our first EP yet and that's quite sad. The band has been seriously struggling as of late to record."

B -"why is that?"

E -"oh, our dumbarse lead has been distracted."

B -I didn't want to ask about what. I knew what he meant. "Two jobs? What else do you do?"

E -"oh, I work as a waiter down at Lizzies...my aunt is the namesake so I work there..."

B -"wow, you work at Lizzies? That's like that expensive as Seafood restaurant."

E -"correct. My uncle is a partner so it's not like I got the job on my own merit but I like it enough."

B -"and the other job?"

E -"I...ummm...I teach piano to kids. Nothing major just a few students."

B - "since when!?"

E -"well it was court mandated when I was arrested...but then I stuck at it. I feel I owe these kids something you know, I never had a cool piano teacher so I'm trying to be that for them."

B -"you're a cool piano teacher?"

E -"laugh it up Isabella."

B - "Why do you call me that now?"

E -"because I can."

B -"you could before."

E- "No I couldn't."

B -"can I call you Eddie?"

E -"I am most definitely not an Eddie. We have a gig next week...not this one but the week after, please come?"

B -"I think I can manage it Ed."

E -"Pfft, definitely NOT Ed either."

B –"Waiter boy?"

E –"only when I am at Lizzies... Now off to sleep you go. I think I can manage a few hours now."

B -"night Masen."

E -"Sweet dreams Isabella."

**

School was average for the rest of the week. I was in serious struggle town because of the week I'd missed but I was getting there. I managed to hide out in the library. Alice was mostly right, Jessica's smoking incident took a lot of my spotlight away.

Edward didn't call or respond to my messages. Rose said he was ridiculous busy and she knew this because Emmett had cracked it at him. The band really was having difficulty recording. Apparently, Edward kept on making plans then cancelling. He was always 'working.'

Esme and I went for coffee on Thursday night. She bought hash brownies and we laughed at each other. It was great catching up with her. She ranted on and on about Carlisle while I explained how I didn't know what Edward and I were. She laughed. "Masen isn't thinking about anything else other than you these days." I crossed my fingers under the table, hoping I didn't double jinx myself.

I was meant to be home in time for diner but I wasn't. Charlie cracked it and I was grounded. I think he was slightly pissed about the whole failure to 'fix' things. Oh and the Edward/Bella saga had finally made its way into the Station. I didn't know which version he'd heard but let's just say Charlie was not impressed an ex druggo lead singer got into a bar fight over me with his best friends son.

He referred to Edward as 'boy.'

As in "are you going to see that 'boy' this weekend?" "Have you heard from that 'boy?" "Are you sure you think this 'boy' is a good shot?" I rolled my eyes. And told him I was grounded this weekend so the likelihood of seeing Edward was unlikely.

He seemed satisfied.

I worked Friday night. I tripped over a tennis racket and sprained my ankle. My manager put me behind the counter stamping lay-by forms for three hours straight. It was bloody boring. I daydreamed. I fell asleep listening to recordings of The Cullen's.

On Friday, I didn't hear from Edward. On Saturday I didn't hear from Edward. On Sunday I turned my phone off. Monday, Rose told me the band had spent the whole weekend inside recording. They were all crawling the walls. Apparently Emmett and Carlisle had ended up in some fight. Edward had to be the peace maker. By Sunday night, they were barely on speaking terms.

Emmett was at Rose's Tuesday night. I tried asking him about Edward. He said I should call him. That was all. Emmett played me in battleships and it turned nasty when he started cheating. I picked up the whole game and through it at him. He tackled me to the floor and started tickling me. Rose called us immature children and kicked us both out. Emmett offered to drive me home but his phone rang and then he went all funny. I knew it was Edward on the other end.

By Wednesday I felt like a clingy girlfriend. My sent items consisted of messages asking is he was alright. Complaints to Alice that he was ignoring me. Questions to Rose and then more messages to Edward.

He finally messaged Thursday night as Charlie was driving me to work. I screamed for joy scaring Charlie.

"_Not ignoring. Piano man prep. for student perform. Waiter boy= million shifts. Cullen= recording. Miss you. Come over tomorrow?"_ I didn't know if he meant he was coming over to mine but I didn't care.

Work was entertaining. I managed to slice my finger open with the Stanley knife, the one I had named "STANISLAS." Clearly some of Alice's weirdness has rubbed off on me. Eric was working but I found myself happily answering his questions. He asked me if the Cullen's had a gig soon, I told him the following week. He asked if I could message him the details. I said I'd think about it. There was no way in hell I was sending a message from my phone to stalker boy. Eek.

**

_He_ answered my unspoken question in third period. It was simply his address and the word '_please.' _He left a rambling message on my voice bank, saying he wanted to pick me up from school but was trying to avoid any psycho gossip mill stories.

I responded with a brief text; _4pm_. Alice said she'd drive me. I was giddy with possibilities. God I was ridiculous. I tried to ground myself but it didn't seem to work. I tried to think of horrible things, of the bitch of a French teacher I had in last period, the feral food I had to eat at lunch, my horrible uniform. Nothing seemed to calm me down. I was like an energiser on red bull.

Or Alice in general.

Fml.

***

I took a deep breath. This was it. I'd never been here before. My fingers had fumbled on my phone. I was so nervous. Alice had given me a pep talk in the car. I had decided on one thing. I would knock. I would say, hey Edward, I didn't tell you last week and I don't know if you know but I broke up whatever was happening with Jake. And now we're both single. Funny right? The door opened on the third knock. Only a smidge though. Edward's face popped out. He grinned. He had known I was coming.

"Hey." I liked seeing him grin at me like that. The door opened fully, we both stood facing each other. Tension was in the air, I could feel it.

"Hi." My voice was quiet. He grinned again.

"How are you?" I couldn't really reply though, I was too busy looking at what he was wearing. Jeans, white t-shirt and his leather jacket. Lust overwhelmed me for a second. How was something so simple making me want to jump him? I knew I should have changed out of my uniform. But I hadn't wanted to waste time. I guess my hair was atrocious. My make up all smudged off. Hell I didn't even think I had any lip balm in my pocket. And he was looking like a friggin god. It wasn't fair. Maybe I should wait until I looked a little better dressed to tell him? No. Bella, you came over here to say. I broke up with Jacob for you and you broke up with Rose. It was only what he usually wore to practice. Had he cancelled a band practice to see me? Did he even want to see me or was this way of asking me to stop messaging? Shit. How sure was I that he even wanted me to break up with Jake? Perhaps he had been kidding. Maybe he enjoyed toying with his girlfriends friends? Maybe his reaction at the gig the other night was because of the fierce loyalty he had for friends. Panic overcame all other feelings. I opened my mouth and shut it again. I couldn't tell him now. This is so fucking embarrassing. I blushed. Confusion flickered across Edward's face. I needed to say something. Anything. Why couldn't I speak?

"Jake and I are no more." The words hadn't come out right. My eyes dropped to my shoes. My bloody scruffy sandals. At least I could have put some better shoes on this morning right? Maybe I should have called Alice, well at least he knows now. I still didn't look up. "I thought you might like to kno-"

"I already knew. Alice told me."

"Oh, I wasn't sure…you never said anything."

"You didn't either."

"I was waiting for you to lead." I had meant in the way we didn't talk about Rose or Jake. It came out laced with innuendo.

His arm pulled me inside. His lips met mine. The door shut behind me. His body angled me against the door. That would be right; he had a thing with pushing me against walls didn't he? I could feel his hard length, press into me. His legs fell between mine. His knee slightly nudged my legs wider. It gave me butterflies in my stomach and made my knees quiver. The knot in my stomach was full of anticipation.

"Rose?" he growled against my neck. Fear overwhelmed me; did he think I was Rose? Did he not realise it was Bella? Was this some drug fucked Edward who was hallucinating? Had he really been busy or was this drug addict talk? Tears came to my eyes, fuck I needed to get under control. I struggled against his arms that had wrapped themselves around me. I struggled to swallow."Bella, did Rose tell you everything?"Relief hit me. Angst gone. Anxiety gone. He knew it was me. And the way his voice dripped with lust caused me to fidget with my feet. I needed some sort of relief. Anything.

"I saw her at school today." He nodded. His lips kissing slowly up and down my neck. The contrast of his hot breathes and the cool air only made me need him more. He pressed himself closer against me. I could feel him restraining, held back by the material, he was rubbing his arousal in tight circles, over where I needed him and it was driving me crazy. The tension in my lower stomach accelerated when Edward's zipper hit where I desperately needed him to be.

"Do you know why we broke up?" the kisses stopped. He leaned back slightly, I hated the space between us and immediately grabbed fistfuls of his jacket, and I pulled him back into me.

"No, she didn't say. We haven't talked about it. Other than my multiple apologies." My voice was flighty. High. Aroused. Fuck I was in trouble now. I was worried where this conversation was going. There was a high probability that the break up was Rose's idea. By proxy, she could ruin this moment and then hunger I felt would not be satisfied. Wanted to cry. I wanted to keep Rose as my friend. But I wanted Edward, now. Edward's legs shuffled between mine. Fuck. I was lost now. I wanted to know but only if it was good.

I fucking need this. I needed to pretend. I need him to show me it's worth losing possibly two friends over. He needs me to show him it's not all about the chase. I don't mean the sex. I need Edward to be close. Intimate. Here, for me. And me only.

"We talked about you." My hips reflexively pulsed forward.

I couldn't focus on what he was saying, what I was feeling was over powering my brain. "What?"

"Me and Rose." My legs gave way a bit and Edward grabbed onto my thighs. His touch marking my skin as his. Without a conscious thought, I began to rock my hips against his. Edward let out a low guttural moan and I bit my lip. His voice was harsh, breathless. "All we talked about was you."

"About? ….fuck." my voice was higher still. He knew it was because of him. Between kisses, he smirked.

"She…told…me, to take it slow with you. Because you were worth it. And I agreed." The euphoria that filled my chest was only matched by the growing need of Edward. My hands grabbed onto his back, I pulled him closer still. He groaned again. His hands flittered up and down my thighs, under his touch they twitched. I couldn't lose the smile from my face. I couldn't breathe properly. Edward and Rose, over because of me. Edward single. Me single. I felt there should be some sort of mourning period but it hadn't been like that with Emmett and Rose. As far as I could tell, there was no bad blood between them. It wasn't going to be like that with us. Us. Me and Edward. My incisive thoughts were only shoved aside by the feeling of Edward. I let myself go, as his hands gripped my thighs. As his hands ripped my legs out from underneath me. As he curved his hands around my bottom and pulled me closer still. His chest smashed against mine. His arousal pressed into where I needed him. His hips meeting my unconscious thrusts. My heels clicked together behind him, silencing any space between us.

"Really?"

"Yes Bella…I'm…. I want…you…I'm…all… yours." He was just as breathless as me. We were a tangle of limbs. Fully clothed. His hips pumped into my legs, I groaned. He groaned. It felt perfect. The way it was meant to be. Not like with Jacob. Full of the passion. The need. The connection that iced my veins when we were apart was fusing us together. I wanted to go faster. I wanted there to be no clothes separating us. I needed him so much closer.

One of his hands ran through my hair, pulling it back from my face. The other continued to hold me against the door. Continued to support the two of us as our breathing deepened. As we rocked against each other. My hands were wound tightly in his hair; I pulled on them every time his hips caused the friction I craved. I could tell he liked me pulling his hair because with every tug a subtle moan came out of him and his lips attacked me once again.

I wasn't worried I'd have a hickey. Because if I did, I would know it was from him. Everyone would be able to tell. Everyone would know. Edward and Bella. Finally. Not Rose. Not Jake. Not even the fucking gossip mill. No it would be the two of us. And suddenly all I wanted to do was mark him as my own. My nails dug under his jacket. Dug into his skin.

"Fuck Isabella, what's that for?"

"Now, everyone knows." Realization flicked across his face.

"Trust me love, they see your neck, they'll fucking know." Shivers erupted on my spine. Edward laughed. He kissed me softly. The way we rocked together caused the tension to increase. I didn't understand how so easily it had been to give Edward everything I had, especially after everything. Especially after it all.

A felt the door move against my back. I ignored it. But then I heard a knock. I ignored it. Edward kept kissing me.

"Edward." The door shook again.

"fuck." my hands dropped from Edward's hair and rested on his shoulders. His hands moved to my waist and backed us away from the door. My heels still locked behind his back. Our arousals still grinding into each other. He kept me stable as he walked backwards. A sheepish grin on his face. I kissed it once. He pouted. I kissed him again. Even with him holding me I couldn't stop the blush reaching my cheeks. He rolled his eyes at me. The knock became impatient.

"Who is it?" his voice wasn't steady and I stifled a laugh. "Shhh Bells." He squeezed my hips tightly. I shivered.

Silence.

"Edward, open it up. It's Jasper."

Edward sighed. He still held me against him though. I wondered if I was too heavy and started to slide down his body. He gave me a warning glare. I ceased all movement. His face turned from warning to amusement before finally replying to whoever was behind the door.

"Jasper?" he sounded like he didn't believe it.

"Yes man, open the fucking door up." Edward smirked at me. He kissed me again, his body still wedging me against his. I tried to stop the moans. But it was difficult. Who was this Jasper?

I snapped my neck back from Edward, scrunching up my nose I asked with my eyes, who he was. Edward shook his head from side to side. He then kissed me hard. He was trying to regain my attention. His grip on my legs tightened. His fingers danced along my legs before resting on my arse, pulling me closer to him. I wanted to cry out but he smuggled my mouth with his. Slowly his lips moved along my neck. I shivered.

His voice vibrated against my throat. "No, I'm busy come back in like one…no two hours." I smiled at him. 2 hours? His face lost some of its confidence when I smirked up at him. Bloody cocky.

"I haven't seen you for ten months and you tell me to come back later?"Edward sighed and put his head on my shoulder. He littered it with kisses. I tried to stop the giggles. I suppose it was the wrong response because he gave me a hurt look. I bit my bottom lip and Edward's head snapped forward, resting on my shoulder. He kissed along my collarbone, goose bumps flaring along the skin. I struggled to swallow. I wanted to scream at Jasper to go away, I didn't care if Edward hadn't seen him in ten years, and I needed a release. Now.

Edward was distracted also. "I'm…umm…with someone Jazz."

"Oh…OH…Hi Rose." Edward sighed into my neck. I clenched the tears away. Great, even when they weren't dating she was an instant mood killer. I closed my eyes again and dropped my legs. Adjusting myself I half smiled. Edward kissed my forehead. His eyes starred into mine. I nodded. I knew he was making sure I was alright before he responded to Jasper.

His fist slammed on the door above my head. "It's not Rose, dickhead."

"Fuck sorry man….Tanya?" the voice sounded unsure. The dread. Fucking groupie scum. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose before opening the door. I wanted to scream. I knew I had my theories, but to have them confirmed, Tanya, really? Gross.

I just cleared my throat as Jasper took in my appearance. Presuming he was one of Edward's friends I held my hand out for a handshake. Jasper gave Edward a subtle glare before shaking my hand.

I tried to smile as I stated more confidently that I felt, "umm no, I'm not her either, I'm Bella."

"Oh Nice to meet you Bella…sorry last I heard Edward was dating some bird called Rose." Edward put his head in his hands. He avoided both our eye contact. Great. I had to answer for him.

"Yeah. She's my best friend." Edward made no movement. I hated how he didn't speak up. My jaw tightened in anger.

"Oh." I watched as Jasper's eyes got bigger. I felt my stomach drop. That didn't come out right Bella. I made it sound like I was sharing Edward with Rose.

"Jesus, I didn't mean it like that…We're both single...now." I don't know why I tacked that on the end. I was thinking of what Edward and I were now. I was thinking of how less than an hour ago, I felt like my heart was broken and now I was standing next to Edward, hoping he actually liked me for me and not because I was some revenge fuck.

Edward took a step towards Jasper. He spoke humorlessly but I saw the seriousness in his eyes. "No she's not Jazz, she's taken." A smile spread across my face without realizing. Edward grabbed my hand in his. I giggled. Jesus, how old were we?

Jasper held up his hands in surrender. "Don't worry bro; I am staying clear of the opposite gender until I can find one that can see the future." I noted his southern drawl. His blonde scruffy hair. His piercing blue eyes. The more I looked at him, the more I felt like he was an approachable person. The more I felt he and Alice would get along. I smirked. The effectiveness of Alice's intuition could be classed as foresight.

"I know just the person." The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Emmett had Rose, Esme and Carlisle. If I planned it right, Edward and me…so then Alice needed someone that would fit. Plus, if Alice liked him it would mean I was back in her good books. She still hadn't fully forgiven me for hurting Rose. I smiled widely at Jasper.

Edward cleared his throat and I noticed he was subtly adjusting himself. He was also shooting daggers at me. Shit he better not think I was trying to hit on Jasper. I didn't want to reveal Alice's name until I knew more about Jasper so I just used her general nickname.

"I mean the pixie." Edward's lips briefly parted in understanding. I was hypnotized by how swollen his lips looked. I swallowed the buildup of saliva. Shit, I bet I looked like I was drooling. Edward hadn't noticed and he just nodded. He still looked exceptionally uncomfortable. I sat down on the couch. Jasper sat opposite on the armchair. I looked up at Edward expectantly, where was he going to sit? But he was distracted and he almost seemed to be hopping from one foot to the other.

Again, Edward's taunt voice piped up. "Ok…umm I am going to take a shower, so do you mind if I leave you two for a bit." I shrugged not making sense of it. Jasper sighed a laugh, what? I was confused.

Jasper smirking knowingly at Edward. "A cold shower I presume?" fuck. Realisation. The look on his face made sense now. The jiggling. I blushed. Jasper laughed. Edward chuckled. My head fell forward and buried my face in my hands.

"A fucking freezing shower actually." Edward messed up the top of my head as I shrunk down into the couch. Kill. Me. Now.

They both laughed. Edward caught my shrinking in my seat. "Its fine love, don't worry."

I scrunched up my nose, shaking my head I almost stuttered. "It's embarrassing." Edward walked out of the room then. I heard the shower start up a minute later. Jasper and I sat in stunned silence. Mortification didn't even seem to be the correct word.

Jasper laughed again. His eyes flicked between back to mine "what's embarrassing? Edward finding you so attractive that he gets off thinking about you? Or that I walked in on the two of you almost having sex?" I don't think my face would ever recover, for the rest of my life it would permanently be stained red.

"Yes." I squeaked it out. Did he really have to put it so eloquently?

Clearly he didn't understand me. He just kept probing. "To which?"

"Jasper!" my voice was strained. My head buried deeper in my hands. Quickly I unfolded them, my hands tried desperately to hide the mammoth hickey I knew was on my neck. The mark labeling me as Edward's. I knew it wasn't working though because though he didn't make a sound, without looking up, I knew Jasper was amused.

Suddenly a boisterous laugh that reminded me of Emmett echoed in the room. Jasper's eyes glazed over; again he held his hands up in surrender. "You're really not like his usual girls."

"No I guess I'm not." His comment made me feel self conscious and I couldn't really understand why.

"Oh god, I don't mean it like that..." he tried to change the conversation. "So this girl…"

"No way. You embarrass me like that, so I get to go first. How do you know Edward?" I wanted to know everything about Edward. The little Charlie had told me and the little I knew personally didn't add up. Perhaps Jasper could shed some light on the two different personalities. Mind you, I don't think it would change my feelings; I was already in deep enough.

Jasper lent back in his chair. Closing his eyes I realised based on attractiveness alone, Alice would thank me for introducing the two of them. "We went to school together… well he went to school I just sort of wagged every lesson. Thanks to Edward, well his tutoring and my occasional visit to school, I scraped together enough attendances to pass, not well but enough to get the stupid certificate."

"Oh. SO he's smart?"

"Yeah. Edward's practically a genius. Music was a given, he completed it about three years before anyone else. He won a couple of lit awards…song writing you know? Yeah, he was my best mate… umm do you know Emmett?"

"Yes. He and Rose." I gestured awkwardly with my hands. I heard the shower stop.

"Oh… that makes sense now. Well Emmett, Edward, Carlisle and me used to get around back in the day." "Get around?" was that some sort of euphemism I didn't understand? Was he referring to more whoring days, or was it just like they hung out and such? Did he mean drugs? I wanted to know the answer.

"Meaning?"

"Well those nutters had a band…I strayed from traditional forms of entertainment." Traditional forms of entertainment? Could Jasper be any more cryptic?

"I am so confused."

"Edward was covering for me when he got busted for possession." I knew my mouth dropped into an O shape. I wanted to slap him. He immediately recognized the change in my demeanor but he mistook it for ignorance. "I'm sorry; I thought you might have known, he got arre-"

"My father is a cop."

"And what you're going to dob me in now?" he almost sounded panicky. I tried to stop the laugh that slipped from my lips.

"No, I just meant because of that charge he hates Edward."

"He doesn't hate Edward."

"Trust me; he hates Edward." I sounded confident. Charlie would so kill me if he knew I was pushed up against a door by that 'boy.' He probably would kill me twice over if he knew I was having conversations like this with a known addict. Hang on, was he still an addict? I almost became panicky. Would Edward leave me in a room with an addict? Was Jasper safe? How realistic were those TV show addicts, you know the others who flipped out because they had no cash? Fuck. I was acting like I had never seen anyone do drugs before; I was acting like I was Miss clean and innocent. Had Edward and I not shared a joint at his party the other week? Had Esme not given me brownies to have with my coffee last Thursday? Did he trust Edward? Did I? Had Edward spoken to Jasper on a regular basis? I mean he knew about Rose so…. what, Edward must have at least spoken to him in the last month…. I took a deep breath. Fuck. I needed to calm down.

"Oh." He pulled out a cigarette, he gestured between me and it. I shrugged, not caring. I didn't mind if he smoked. Hell Edward smoked. Jasper smiled slightly as he lit up. God. Just that simple gesture calmed me.

"Its fine…are you still…?" I didn't want to ask if he was still using. Would that make him crack it? Would he get ultra aggressive? I didn't know. I wanted Edward to come back now.

"God, no. after that charge I realised how I was messing my life up for everyone else not just me. So I umm checked myself into the most unlikely of places." He took a long drag. Smoke filled the room. He gazed off towards the bathroom. He was waiting for Edward to come out. What the hell did he mean though, "the most unlikely of places?" I sighed and a lazy grin flickered over his face as he glanced back at me, his eyebrows rose as though daring me to ask. I narrowed mine.

"Are you always this cryptic?" he laughed and took another drag. Again, the calming sensation filled the room.

"I went to military school."

Yeah. Completely not what I had expected. My response was somewhat a startled screech of the word "what!?" Which caused Jasper to chuckle?

"Yeah. They actually exist. The drugs, the constant turf wars I had with some people, the crowd I travelled with, the mates that Edward hated; well it all got too much so I shipped myself away."

"Well…did it work?"

"Not at first. I just got into more serious trouble; harder street fighting that sort of stuff but then I met this guy Gareth and well he was fairly ace and helped sort I out."

"Well that's good." Jasper was so honest. He barely knew me and he was telling me this stuff. It made me realise how close he must have been to Edward to instantly trust a friend of Edward. It made me feel safe.

"And then I felt it was time I came back and apologised and all that shit to Edward…and if I like it here… who knows, it will be good catching up with all those guys though. As chick like as it is, I missed them." He sighed. I heard Edward pad down the hallway.

"My friend's name is Alice." I grinned baring all my teeth.

"Excuse me?" the cigarette dropped from his lip.

"That's her name…" did he want to know more? "Alice… well Mary Alice but if you call her that she will murder you in your sleep, street fighting abilities or not."

"Alice."

"Yes."

"Very cute." He grinned back like I had before.

"She is." He smiled at me.

Edward appeared. His eyes showing appreciation that Jasper and I had gotten along well. He sat down next to me. His hand playfully held mine. I grinned up at him. Edward was dressed in his leather jacket. I knew that if my hands travelled under the jacket, the marks I left claiming Edward as mine would be visible. It made me want to snuggle under the leather. Instead I gripped his hand tighter. His fingers flexing in between mine.

"Now Jasper, what are you doing in town?"

"I'm here to meet Alice apparently." I grinned. He seemed to be excited by Alice.

"Good, because I am stealing Bella, right this second. We can drop you off at Emmett's. He can take you to Alice."

I stood up. My hands on my hips. I scrunched up my nose in mock annoyance. "I don't get a choice in this do I?"

"No, Isabella you don't….now Jas, you ready to go?" he nodded. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me outside.

**

"Where are we going?" he turned to me and grinned. His eyes giving way to the devious thoughts I'd seen in them earlier. But instead, we pulled up at some parkland car park. I wasn't exactly a hiker, so the idea of an afternoon outdoors wasn't the first thing that popped into my head when

"Somewhere special." I tripped over a rock and Edward demanded I climb onto his back.

He stumbled with me perched on his back. My legs clinked around his waist, my head resting, snuggled into his neck. He hummed me a song he was writing. I told him to quit smoking because he was wheezing. He told me to shut up. I laughed. It was carefree. He called me beautiful. I kissed him on the back of his neck, under his ear. He shivered. My heart swelled. It felt right. We felt right.

And then we found it. A small clearing. I slid off his back; he gallivanted around throwing away all traces of other people. He wanted this to be ours. Our modern mystery. I held my hand over my mouth amazed at what this boy was doing for me.

We lay down. My head over his heart. He had a pen in his mouth. A notebook in his hand. Occasionally he would strum away on my side. He was composing in our field.

He turned to me with a smile on his face. He looked happy.

"We found this place together, Isabella."

"What's with the Isabella?"

"I don't know. I like it. I can call you what I want now."

"I suppose you can."

"Isabella."

"And I don't care what you say, I think it is likely to be Eddie....mind you Masen is growing on me."

"Pleaseeeeeeee I will never be an Eddie." I laughed because he was right. And he kissed me. And I felt like I was floating. He took me home when the rain fell. He said he'd call.

He didn't. But he messaged later than night.

_I'm sorry for the lack of call Isabella. Been writing all arvo. Something inspired me I guess. :) _

I called Rose and gushed about my day. She sighed. "It was never like that with me Bella." I apologised for being so inconsiderate. She dismissed what I was saying. She added Alice to the conversation before giving me a play by play of her sexcapades with Emmett. Needless to say, what was heard cannot be unheard.

***

I went with Edward and Jasper to some friend's house. It was a small party I guess. Carlisle and Esme were out to dinner with their parents. Emmett and Rose were coming later. Alice had demanded Jasper pick her up at 10. I wasn't sure what Edward and I were. I just knew he was sticking by my side like glue.

The blonde haired boy from the bar fight, saddled up to Edward just after Jazz left to get Alice. His hair was oily. Slicked back in a pony tail. He wore a leather jacket and dark jeans. He smelt of rotten booze and pot. I didn't trust him. Edward gripped my hand tightly. I wondered if it was because this "James" had called me a whore or if it was because he was dangerous. James was edgy.

"Edward my boy, haven't seen you in quite some time... am I seeing things or is Jasper back?"

Edward sounded serious. His tone was laced with something I didn't understand. "Yes James. Jazz is here. He's not interested though."

"I am sure I can make him interested."

"He's not alright...let him be." James gestured for Edward to have a private chat.

Edward let go of my hand. Leaning towards, he whispered so that James wouldn't hear.

"Can you message Alice and tell her to delay Jasper for a bit?"

"Should I be worried?"

"Nope. All is well."

He walked over towards James. I stood by the back door. Messaging Alice. She promptly responded with a "already planned on it." I don't know why but I heaved a sigh of relief. Something about James was off.

My mind was in over drive. Trying to piece the bits together.

James knew Jasper before.

James was creepy. He knew Jasper when he was doing drugs.

He knew Edward when he was arrested for possession.

Edward came back to me. "I'll be back in a minute Bella." Edward kissed my forehead like I was a five year old child. I felt sick. I knew James was not someone Charlie would approve of.

James was slimy.

My brain clicked it all into place. James had been Jasper's dealer.

And Edward was walking into the bathroom with him. Alone.

I knew Edward had lied when he referred to his drug dabbling as "a long time ago." I guess I thought, I would have some sort of sway. I wanted to cry, he was hurting himself and I was in too deep, he was hurting me.

I burst through the door and my stomach dropped.

Both of them were resting against the sinks. The mirrors loomed over them. The lights were bright, artificial and left a yellow tint over the room. James was cutting up some white power with a credit card. Edward was standing next to him. Hunched over, watching, and waiting.

They obviously heard me enter as both their heads snapped up in the mirror above them. I made eye contact with Edward. I snapped. His face paled. He turned around to confront me; I could see a plea on the tip of his lips. I walked up to him and shoved my hands against his chest. His head thumped into the mirror. It probably looked a sight, a small girl in heels standing over a grown man. I knew I had tears dribbling down my face because it hurt. It hurt. I didn't back down.

"What the fuck is this?" I didn't recognise my voice. It was harsh, solid, and stable. Unlike how I really felt.

"Bella, honey, listen I was just..."

"I know what you were 'just' doing Edward. That shit will kill you." I looked at the menacing powder and shivered. James' face morphed into one of a dealer, his eyes were sullen, his face agitated.

It was commanded. "Edward, control her or get out." I waited to see how Edward would react. He seemed stuck, unsure what to do. I wanted to run away and hide because he was so unsure. I hadn't dropped eye contact with him.

His eyes broke from mine. He pulled me off him and stood up. Facing the dealer he said, "James, seriously..." he trailed off.

James let out an exasperated sigh. "Listen you dumb slut, Edward screws girls, he does drugs, he fights boys, he lives a lot harder and faster than you can probably even imagine. Stay away from shit you don't understand, now get the fuck out of here."

The silence echoed in the bathroom. Though Edward didn't say anything he angled himself between me and James in case it was needed. I bit my bottom lip. My heart was racing; I needed to get out of there. I needed to go find Alice and Rose.

I looked up at him. "I can't believe you would do this."

"Isabella..." he was defeated. His arms rubbed up and down my sides. It wasn't good enough. I couldn't date him if he did this shit. Not when Charlie was my father. Not when I had a minute understanding of what this would do to him. It was tearing me apart. He was tearing me apart.

"No! I need to go." I pushed off him and walked out the door. Edward followed me. I felt a sense of calmness wash over me. James scared me. It only just sunk in, my teeth were chattering, my legs knocked together. I was scared in there. Scared he would turn into someone I didn't know. Fuck. What if the Edward I knew was never clean. What if, my Edward was a by product of the coke.

Answering my unspoken question, Edward grounded me. "I haven't done any of it for three months."

I need to clarify. "No drugs?"

"Only pot." He was anxious.

"In three months."

"Yes, since Rose...and well....you, actually." I was mad. He was acting like I should be proud of him. Like I should forgive him for scaring the fuck out of me. For wanting to relapse.

"Then why now, why, when _we _have an actual chance would you....I thought I was enough."

"You are."

"Obviously not Edward....I have to get out of here."

"I'm coming with you." I didn't protest.

I don't know where I went for the rest of the night. I don't know who I spoke to. I know Edward didn't leave my side, he didn't smoke anything. My hand was in the pocket of Edward's leather jacket, holding on for dear life. His arm was slung casually over my shoulder. He picked up the slack of conversations that went on around me. I was in a daze. Freaked out and alone. Alice arrived. She was positively giddy. She asked a few times if I was alright. I guess I placated her with an answer because she left earlier than she normally would with Jasper. I was happy for her. I was happy for him. Even if I knew his arrival had brought this all back on Edward.

I lie. I remember one moment of the night with perfect clarity. Edward and I were talking to Emmett by the back door. Em had been outside and had come back inside for a drink. Emmett was juggling about three cups. Edward laughed and I smiled. We must have been about to leave because we said goodbye to him. When I was about to turn away, Em went rigid. His back straightened up, his eyes snapped to Edwards, his jaw ground together. The two of them shared a conversation without words. I glanced a look behind me.

James stood there. His arms crossed over his chest, a cigarette between his lips.

His beady little eyes looked me up and down. Intimidating me I guess. Edward pulled me closer to him.

"Nothing happened Em."

"Better not Edward."

"Bella made me see reason." They shared another one of their unspoken conversations.

Emmett finally let out a sigh of relief. His shoulders dropped, "I knew there was a reason I loved you squirt." I seemed to snap out of my daze then, because I winked and pulled Edward's head down to mine. Kissing him with all the emotions the night had held.

I didn't see James again.

***

I woke up in Edward's bed. The clock said 9. I freaked out immediately. Charlie was going to murder me. I bet he already had half the town's police force out looking for me. I rolled over, keen on getting my arse home as soon as I possibly could.

"No, you're not running away."

"Edward, I have to call Charlie and explain. He will be freaking out."

"Jesus, you were really out of it last night weren't you."

"What?"

"Alice called Charlie for you; you're supposively staying at her house."

"oh." It didn't matter. I needed to get away from Edward and think about what had happened. About everything. The comforting on the couch at Rose's. The make out against the wall. The lovely meadow. And then tarnished with last night's near relapse.

"Where the hell are you going now?"

"I need time to think Edward."

"No you don't, not after everything last night."

"Especially after last night! What were you thinking, not only is my father the police chief but you told me you were done with it all."

"And I am."

"How am I meant to believe that now?"

"I don't know Isabella, maybe because I need you to. Maybe because everything between us is finally aligned. Yeah, I know I fucked up. I wasn't thinking straight. I saw James and the urges came back. But you're right, you are enough. I don't need any more of that. I get enough of a rush on stage...I"

He looked so lost. So scared. I wanted to trust him. I needed to give him that. "Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes fine."

"You're not mad?"

"I am as mad as hell. But there is nothing you can really do about that. If you fuck this up though. God help you, I am not giving you another chance."

"I won't."

"No drugs?"

"None."

"I think I'm fast falling in love with you Edward Masen."

"I know what you mean Isabella."

He smiled. And pulled me closer. And we were fine again.


	6. Eddie's gun

**A/N: I just wrote the ending. It's so cliché perfect. Jesus, vain much? There is another 2 chapters. No epilogue at this stage. FOR THIS CHAPTER - I AM TOTALLY JEALOUS OF RED HEADS SO THERE IS NO OFFENCE INTENDED. Seriously, I dyed my hair red once. I loved it. Everyone around me seemed to think it was far too amusing. Alas back to boring brown. **

**Disclaimer: im most def. Not Smeyer. **

I was at work when Edward dropped by. He brought my manager a coffee and asked politely when my break was. Within ten minutes, he had Lorinna eating out of the palm of his hand. I went to dinner with him; he bought me a veggie burger. He told me about the bands next gig. It was going to be bigger than the guys had done in a while. He was nervous. The label wanted them to hurry up and record the EP. The label was nervous. The gig was going to be local. He said he wanted me to come. I went back to work with a skip in my step. Edward had 'quiet words' with Eric. I was so in my 'zone,' I almost fell off the ladder when I was getting stock down. But it didn't matter.

Edward specifically asked me to the Cullen's performance AND he told Eric to back off.

It kind of made it official. His invite. Edward called me the night before. He gushed on the phone like a little boy because he was "really nervous," his words not mine. The trio had some new songs to play. He wanted me to come earlier but I could hear Emmett whining in the background about how it was boring enough for him let alone dragging me along while they set up all their stuff. I agreed. Plus Alice would have killed me if I didn't at least pretend to get ready with her. I spent the rest of the day walking around in a daze, to the extent that even Charlie asked me if I was alright. I kissed him on the cheek and said everything was perfect. I think he was living in delusional land, because he asked me if Jake and I were 'fixed.'

I told him no. And explained how I was with Edward now.

He grunted at me. It wasn't a happy grunt. It was disapproval.

I told him Edward had learnt a lesson and he was who I wanted.

I think that appeased him for all of twenty seconds until he remembered Edward was 21.

Alice got me ready. I wore a pretty dress and too much eye makeup. We giggled like juniors on our first dates. Jasper had not stopped calling Alice. The two of them were together in a more official capacity. I was redeemed in her eyes. Alice was practically planning a wedding. She was one of those girls though, the 'all in or nothing' ones. I was more of the apprehensive nerdie one that stood back and waited. Charlie pretended to not notice when Alice and I toasted him with cheap wine after he offered to drop us off at the venue. He extended my curfew and I think I thanked him maybe eight times. Thank god he didn't know the club was over 18's.

We met up with the gang. Rose's antics and molesting Emmett in front of the general public continued. Rose was wearing another tight dress. She waved her hands like she was the queen dismissing her subjects, when any single girls approached Emmett. If any managed to slip by, she would of course openly stick her tongue down Emmett's throat until they backed off. I was used to it by now and Edward merely rolled his eyes. We grinned at each other. He swung my hand back and forth.

"Thanks for coming Bella."

"No problem Edward." But I couldn't quite shake the feeling. Something seemed off in the look he gave me. I told myself I was seeing things. And then Alice asked what was wrong with him. I shrugged. I had to remind myself he had asked me tonight. He wanted me here. It just didn't look like it. He talked to all the girls fawning over him as though nothing was different. He let go of my hand so they could paw at him in photos that were likely to be posted on some fan website. I was thankful Tanya hadn't been spotted. He had asked me to come yet he was acting like we were just good friends. I kind of wanted him to thrust me against some stage door, do the 'bad things' to me that he'd promised at the last gig we were at together. Do something. Show everyone, that we were together. Embarrass even Rose and Emmett in their displays. But I realised Edward wasn't like that. With me anyway. He had been with Rose. I remembered the first time I'd seen him on stage. The seed of doubt crept back in. Technically, we still weren't anything. I guess the days of jealous fuelled actions were long gone. Instead Edward kissed me behind the stage curtain before trampling up to the microphone.

I joined the plebs at the bar. Strangely enough Claire came. She was with her older sister, Emily. I think they were there to check out The Wolves competition. She stayed clear of me at first but then I waved and she ran over to me. Alice and Jasper still stood next to me. I think Alice was staying close in case Claire clawed me or something.

"It's really good to see you Bella." She pulled me in for a hug. A fairly unlike Claire move but hey, what the hell.

"You to Claire, how are you?" she gave me a cheesy grin though I watched as her eyes lingered a little too long on Alice. She too, was preparing to fight if she needed it.

"I'm good. Quil's good...the rest of the band is good." I knew she was subtly telling me Jake was fine.

"Oh...yeah...that's good." The word was fast becoming my nemesis. Along with 'fixed.'

"Yeah... they have been recording some new stuff, it's totally different to anything they've done before...not necessarily in a bad way but you know." I couldn't tell if she was trying to prove that the band was still good or if she was making sure I knew they hadn't been affected by Jake and I, breaking up whatever we were.

"Are they performing anytime soon? It would be good to see them again." I guess it was the wrong thing to say because her bottom jaw dropped open.

"Are you allowed to now..." she trailed off. Was I allowed to? Why wouldn't I be? Had Jake said something to her about seeing me at gigs? I didn't think he was a very petty guy but then again he had been a dick when we broke up. Yes Bella, he was a dick after you cheated on him. I sighed.

"Huh?"

She leant forward; glaring at Jasper she covered her mouth and whispered. "Aren't you here with Edward?"

I nodded. Confused by her question. Yes, Edward and I were still in our limbo stage but I didn't want to go around telling people we were together or we weren't when we hadn't really discussed it. I mean, sure we had both said we wanted to try to have an 'us,' but officially? There was nothing...yet. "I guess so...but how does that stop me from seeing the boys play?"

"I thought the two of you were together." She said it like that meant everything.

"Well....we kind of are." My hand did this weird jerking movement, it was a gesture of, 'and...'

"Why would you watch Jake play then? He's you ex." she seemed nervous. She was looking around us, as though making sure no one could see her talking to me. She looked like a spy. I wanted to joke around with her and tell her to stop acting weird. But things were different now. There was a definite tension in our friendship.

"Why and I are not together anymore, but it doesn't mean I don't like their music."

"I thought you and Edward were serious. Listen ummm, I have to go...I'll see ya later Bella." She waltzed off then. Her arm wrapped over Emily's, the two of them talking quietly into the others ear. I was obviously the topic of that conversation.

Why would she think Edward and I weren't being serious if I watched the Wolves play? Was there some giant social faux paux I was unaware of?

I felt ashamed of how transparent I was. Alice asked me if I was alright. She said, it looked like the conversation with Claire had put me on edge. I nodded and said it had, but "no I don't want to talk about it."

Esme appeared. She stood with her arm wrapped around me. She and Carlisle had been drinking all afternoon. I asked her how he was expected to play if he was drunk. She giggled and said, "Who knows?" She was hilarious, cracking jokes every two seconds that put Emmett to shame and then commenting on how pretty everyone was. Her favourite question was asking all my friends from school, who had decided to clump around us, how they were getting home. When they asked her, she would giggle and point at the stage. "Bella and I are with the band." Alice flittered by. Jasper trailing close behind. Alice got me on the dance floor. We bopped away to the Cullen's music. They did a cover of "I Like you So Much Better When You're Naked." I felt Edward's gaze on me the whole time. Esme joined us, then Rose. The band followed with some originals before another amazing cover of VLA's "When I Am Through With You." We laughed like drunken idiots, high on being happy with free booze. Rose and I did shots before I yet again lost her to Emmett's antics. She was twirling around on stage, gyrating on the drum kit. I couldn't help but smile.

Esme and I went to stand near the stairs. I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help but we inspired by them on stage. The crowd was hushed, swaying to the beats of their music. I felt energised. Edward wasn't just performing to the crowd, he was performing with it. To him, this was all the rush he needed.

Rose appeared and Esme was distracted. Rose took a deep breath, she looked at me and gave me a tight smile and I realised, she wasn't over it. I hugged her. She whispered in my ear, just as the guys called for a break, "I've almost forgotten." I hugged her tight. The boys on stage distracted us again.

Rose disappeared into the masses and Esme stuck to me like glue until Carlisle called her up on stage.

I felt so light.

I decided to find Rose. I'm sure I saw her heading in the direction of the bathroom.

I forgot about everything Claire had asked. The lights in the bathroom were flickering but I still took the time to stand in front of the mirror, trying to make myself more presentable. I'd only have the chance for a quick conversation with Edward before Jasper dropped Alice and I home at 3am. Charlie had graciously extended my curfew after Alice begged him to, that had taken place right after the toasting incident. I called out Rose's name but she didn't respond. Just as I was leaving she rushed in to the bathroom, she gave me a wink before practically sprinting into the cubicle. Oh dear she was smashed and any serious conversation was long gone. Her voice echoed off the tiles less than a minute later.

"Wait for me Swannie. You have some explaining to do!" I grinned at my reflection, you sure do _Swannie._ A red head tilted her head at me, embarrassed I blushed. How awkward, caught checking myself out in the mirror.

"You're with Masen huh?" I wondered how she knew his actual surname. He said most people called him Cullen and it was only those close to him that knew it wasn't really his last name.

She gave me the once over and I felt about five years old. The dress she was wearing was expensive and gorgeous. My little dress felt tacky and dowdy in comparison. Her eyes darkened over my face and it was like I had been caught wearing my big sisters make up. I cringed; Alice had put so much eye liner around my eyes tonight. It was meant to make them "pop," I think standing next to this girl; it was safe to say I'd failed.

"Edward?" she didn't bother to verbal answer. Just rolled her eyes and nodded.

Shit. I didn't know what we were. I didn't know what Edward wanted to refer to us as. I didn't know what Claire had meant before. I nervously bit my lip and fumbled with my clutch. "I have been talking to him lately…but we're not _together _together like that_."_ I cringed, why the hell this girl reduced me to a blushing high school kid that says things like _together_, together. Next I'd be asking Rose to ask Emmett if he thought Edward _really _liked me. On second thoughts, probably not the worst idea I'd had tonight.

I snapped back to reality when I heard her snort. Yes actually snort.

She scoffed "Like I had to ask that darl." She re-applied her lipstick, not lip-gloss like I held in my hand, but big kids lipstick before she walked out. Her heels making a clacking on the tiles as she left the room.

Rose appeared a second later. Her eyes were wide and frantic.

"Rose, what the fuck does that mean?" I knew hysteria was in my voice. My drunken state adding to my crushed nerves.

"I don't know Bella."

I bit my lip and my voice took on an agitated tone. "What do you mean you don't know?"

Rose snapped back at me, clearly she wasn't impressed with how freaked out I was becoming. "I don't fucking know Bella! Did she have blonde hair; if it was Lauren I'll bitch slap her! I bet it was one of Tanya's many dominions."

"She had red hair. Rose, I just…she put on lipstick and I stood there my mouth opened. And she just rolled her eyes and she was…oh my god." I was stunned. There wasn't any other word for it. I was freaking pure and simple.

"Bella, take a breath. It will be alright." I couldn't listen to her when she tried to calm me down. My mind was in overdrive. Did Edward really just see me as another one of his 'friends?' It kind of made sense, we hadn't discussed the issue of exclusiveness, shit we hadn't discussed anything concrete at all. Plus he certainly had been acting like my appearance tonight was a nuisance.

"Rose, you don't know that! Maybe this is his MO. I mean, our histories with him aren't that clean…Maybe this is what he does. "I was starting to hyperventilate. Maybe Edward liked to string girls along. It explained why he didn't openly kiss me on stage. He didn't want anyone to know we were together.

"Forget that! Bella, forget her."

"Rosalie." I was scared now. Fuck. I had told him I was pretty much in love with him.

"No Bella, forget the ranga, she's just being bitchy and probably jealous." Rose didn't sound that convinced.

"But why does she think Edward…."

"Shut it! I have been watching this boy tonight. He has barely taken his eyes off you. He was never like that when we were together. Enjoy it girl. What he and I had was nothing like you two."

"Rose, you'd honestly tell me right? If I'd become that girl. The ugly one in the casual clothes that stands with the good looking guy and thinks their friendship is something else… I'm like ducky in pretty in pink…oh my god." Images of his cringe worthy cow lick filtered through.

"Isabella, you are not. I would tell you. "

I barely heard her. I certainly didn't take note. "Edward is like the James Spader character and I am more like the ugly, terribly dressed Molly Ringwood. Oh my god...WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ROSE?"

"Because you're not...as if Alice would let you be terribly dressed. And besides, spoiler alert, she got Spader in the end anyway." I tried to steady my breathing but it wasn't working.

"Hey Bitches!" my jaw dropped open as the black haired nymph stalked into the room. She sighed dramatically, well it was Alice. "Yeah, I know didn't sound right.... Why are we chilling in the bathroom? I know Rose isn't the most classy girl i know but Bella, toilets are above you." Alice rolled her eyes with enthusiasm to ensure we knew she was joking.

It didn't stop Rose though, she still managed to screech "HEY!" and Alice raised a finger to silence her.

Alice looked around the bathroom. I think I was about to be sick. "Then again, these days classy Bella has been far and few between….But I can't believe you would actually want to spend time in here."

Alice looked at me expectantly. I didn't say anything. Rose shrugged and glared in my direction. Alice fidgeted with her dress, "What's going on guys, I feel like I have stepped into some private club and no one wants to tell me the secret password."

Rose dramatically sighed. I didn't think I had it in me to explain what had happened. "Alice, about ten minutes ago; we have had a bit of a run in with a Ronald McDonald groupie."

"Ooooh, want me to take care of it…hang on what does that mean...I understand the two of you have some code word issues and I get all confused. I mean I understand you have the same taste in boys, usually at the same time right?" I got the joke. I just didn't know what to say. Alas neither of us responded. Alice switched modes.

Alice raised her eyebrows and her hand in a gesture of apology "Is it too soon?"

Finally i found my voice. I sounded self-conscious. "It's not that Al."

"Can one of you explain please. Rose your acting all bitchy and Bella looks like someone just stomped on her favourite book... Esme understands just because I am not dating a Cullen boy doesn't mean I have to be left out, Jasper is one of their best friends….it's not fair! Bella, Rose, tell meeeeeee." I was amazed at how quickly Alice could change her voice from protective gangster to whining bitch.

Rose rolled her eyes and ignored her, "By the way, I have class…I'm not the one that has been sexing up Jasper in the open"

Alice grinned at me, showing all her teeth in amusement. I tried to smirk back but the words of the red head lingered and I couldn't get distracted. "I'm not apologizing for that. Has either of you even seen him? And what do you mean Rose, you and Emmett just about fucked on stage, with the spotlight on you! But back to the other matter, what is with this pow wow, please don't say something equally lame like Edward fuckers only....tell meeeee."

Rose glanced at me. I'm sure she saw that I couldn't explain what had happened. She elbowed me out of the way of the mirror, fluffing up her heard she summarized it for Alice. "Some red head girl mocked the idea of Bella and Eddie boy."

Alice shrugged her shoulder. "Oh, is that all?" she too started fluffing her hair up in the mirror.

I felt the dread set in the pit of my stomach. If my best friend dismisses it so easy, what chance does any form of relationship I have with Edward, being taken seriously?

"Alice! Some stranger accosted me in the bathroom and snorted. Yes snorted at the very idea of Edward and me being _together_, together!" I cringed at what I said, yet again.

Rose smirked. "The saddest part is she used that exact phrase to tell red nut she didn't know."

I was starting to hyperventilate. Oh shit. "Shut up Rose! Imagine if someone questioned you and Emmett's relationship."

"I'd scoff right back. Bitch knows nothing."

"Rose, be serious." There was simply no way she could have that much confidence.

"Bella, I am! You think there isn't a day when I don't think that the idea Em loving me is some concoction that is a messed up revenge against Edward?"

"Rose, I didn't mean…"

"Jesus Bella, I am not mad at you. I am over the whole cheating thing. Edward and I weren't really anything… I just don't want you to get all self conscious and cut Edward out of your life. Who cares what some ginger spice says?"

Alice laughed. "Far out Rose, do you stock pile red head insults?"

"Alice, you try being blonde and then see how many I have. Plus I'm jealous of red heads, I could never pull it off."

The two of them stared at Rose in the mirror. Alice's eyes narrowing on Rose's jaw line. "You do have a point; I don't think your fringe would sit as well with your complexion…"

I struggled to regain their attention. How could they dismiss something so central to my freak out? Fuck. "Can you please focus on my freak out just this once? I know what you are saying Rose. But Em and you have told each other how you feel, you have to trust that he isn't lying…Edward is a natural flirt. He already has a reputation that preceded me meeting him."

"Bella, I don't thin-"Rose tried to interject but for once I wanted to have my say.

"No, let me finish. The more time I spend with him, the scarier it becomes because what if I am in deeper than him? Hell, if it turns out he doesn't like me, I may not recover. I know you think that is an epic statement but right now this second, I like him so much that I get nervous as all fuck when he talks to me. And then for some stranger to waltz in and reduce my feelings to an ambiguous snort…I just…I need you…to try and…understand." The tears were falling down my cheeks now.

Alice wrapped me in a bone crushing hug; I dropped my head to her shoulder. She patted my head. "Bella, honey, that boy loves you."

"Alice, please don't say shit like that. I'm kind of on the edge and after Jake…"

"Fuck Jake! He was a dick." Yes thanks for your insight Rose. I turned my back on her, focusing on the Pixie one who could actually understand how close I was to full on panic attack.

"Alice, Edward and I are yet to have a serious talk."

Alice's eyebrows reached her hairline. She looked so shocked. "You guys still haven't had _that _talk?"

"No, I made him swear he'd stop fucking around with drugs and that's as deep as we got. Fuck…is that a problem? Should we already have? Oh my god, its late isn't it? We…" I had stopped breathing. Fuck. I seriously needed to calm down.

Rose sounded outraged. "What the hell do you two do then? I know you aren't fuc-"

"Rose!" Glaring at Rose, Alice grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the sink. Wetting some paper towel she wiped my forehead. "Breath Bella! No. you just should talk so he understands that you feel this way."

The door opened. A young girl with black hair peeked around the corner. Rose barked a command at her and the door shut quickly. I allowed myself a few shallow breathes.

Rose focused on me; "He cheated on me with you, get the fuck over it Swan. He chose you. He wants you. He said so. Like an hour ago. When he was singing about being naked with you. Don't question it. Go with it."

Alice tried a more calming approach. "Bella, honey, Rose is right. Ignore the face you haven't had that chat. Esme will vouch for him; she'll tell you how he has been moping around. Ok?"

"I can't talk to him right now. Not after what the red head said."

"You can and you will." I nodded and followed. Butterflies filling my gut. I pretended I didn't notice the looks Alice and Rose were giving each other in the mirror.

**

Edward practically pounced on me as I left the toilets, my mission impossible moves scowled the room, and I was looking for the red head. His kisses distracting me. His lips tight, demanding, exhaustive and continuous.

"We need to have a talk Edward."

He sighed. For the briefest second his head fell onto my shoulder. "Famous last words…can this wait until tomorrow; I am high as, from stage rush….I need a smoke and then all I want to do is kiss you." his hands were roaming over my body. Kissing was not the only thing on his mind.

"Can we just do it now…please?"

He smirked, his fingers trailing up my arms. "Fine. What is it?" I took a step back; he whipped out a smoke in preparation for his getaway.

"What is 'this' to you?" I gestured between the two of us.

His eyes rolled back before opening wide. He smirked. I glared. "Jesus you're serious…you want to discuss this right now?" I nodded. He continued, sounding angry. "Bella, if you don't know by now, go and ask someone else!" he walked towards the smoking room.

"Edward." I shouted after him.

He looked back and gestured that he was acknowledging I'd spoken. I glared. He shook his head and turned back around. Without my permission, my foot stamped on the ground like one of those tantrum throwing spoilt brats. "Don't you dare walk away from me in fucking silence Edward Masen. Not after all of this."

He turned back around. "Gee, I thought you were above quoting Ian Curtis, Isabella." His tone cut through the demeanour Alice and Rose had put me in.

Now I was furious that he was dismissing me. Treating me like one of his 'other' girls. "Don't be a pretentious prick Edward."

"Let me have my smoke Isabella." following close behind, I grabbed onto his arm. He turned back to me, willing to listen I guess. He rolled his eyes like he was the five year old. I tried to shrug away the dread that was setting in my stomach.

"That's the problem Edward, whenever I think everything is perfect, something happens. I get told to be careful because you have a lousy reputation. I get accosted in bathrooms by girls who heard we were 'hanging out' and want your number. Your band performs what three times a month and you have groupies lining the streets. I have my close friends begging you to be careful with me. Hell, you _were_ dating Rose when we met."

"Stop being so melodramatic. I mean really...." my jaw dropped open. I was about two seconds away from tears. He took a long sigh, his eyes reading me like he was calculating something. "Fine. What do you want me to say Isabella?"

"I need you to say, fuck it. I am here. There is an 'us'… that is what I need you to say."

He ran his hand through his hair. He looked annoyed that this was happening. He snapped at me and I wanted to go home. "I thought it was pretty obvious." I hated how he reduced my thoughts to comments like that. How he dismissed this. I was clinging to the last bits of hope and he was rolling his eyes.

"I don't care if you think it's obvious! I just need you to say it. Sometimes it's all I need to hear ok? Even if I feel it deep in my gut. I need you to say the words because if you say them its final. I don't care that you have a stage personality but at the end of it all, I need to know you'd be willing to claim you're not single. You don't acknowledge me in public or anything...I need you to because then it means something, your words explain you're committed."

He sighed dramatically. "It's too soon for me to say anything of the sort."

My mouth felt dr. My heart ripped in two. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. First he cracked it because I had the audacity to question what he felt for me. And now he was saying he couldn't announce his feelings because 'it was too soon.'

"I can say it. I am here Edward. I want to be here with you."

His hand ran through his hair, tugging on the ends. He was frustrated. "Well I don't know Bella! It's a fuck load to live up to."

"What is?" I sounded so demanding but I didn't understand. It's not like either of us had any great relationship role models. I guess Carlisle and Esme were the closest thing we had. My parents were separated and Edward never spoke of his. He treated Rose like a possession he could carry around. She treated him just as bad.

"You are! The idea of an 'us' is, everyone will have a say; Emmett, Carlisle, Rose...even Alice and Jasper they will always comment on things that have nothing to do with them. Not to mention, I feel like I need to watch everything I do and say around you. It's like you place me on some fucking pedestal, I am most likely going to fuck up it's in my nature…."

I was gobsmacked. Was he so concerned what the boys thought? And had I really done that? "What are you saying? That you don't want to try?"

His answer was unsure, his eyes didn't meet mine. His hand ran through his stupid hair again. "No…it's just..." I hiccupped. I couldn't help it. The sobbing was sure to follow. I felt a heavy weight settle on my chest crushing my heart. "That's not what I meant. Jesus Christ…. I can't say it alright."

I was numb. "Ok then." I needed to get home. Away from this. I wanted the whole night to end.

I wish I'd left right after the band's set ended. I wished I had listened to Charlie. I wish Alice and Rose hadn't said anything to me.

"Great… Jesus, I am not the glorious Jake alright? I am Edward. I'm not that good at relationships etc. Generally, I fuck things up."

I was determined to protect myself now. My tone was chilly and clipped. "Well maybe I could have been something you were good at."

"Could have? What are you saying….Isabella, now I am confused, are we nothing then?"

I answered a little too quickly. I wiped the tears from my eyes as subtly as I could. "We were never anything."

"I just can't declare myself like some fairy tale romance ok? I can't calm you fucking insecurities that are not something I have any inclination to calm. I am in a band. The adrenaline from the stage makes you do stupid shit and…" He reached out to grab me but I angled my body away from his. I was aware that we were being watched. I hoped to god it was only Alice but when I glanced up I saw a smug red head.

I wanted to be sick. She had caused all this bull shit. "It's not good enough Edward, to say the rush of being a performer is too much of a temptation."

"I'm not…it's just…I can't say I'll never betray you, but how do I know that I'm not gonna get drunk and some chick is gonna get all grabby….I need time to decide alright!"

"No one knows Edward. That's the reality of a relationship for everyone. You choose to get over all that bullshit when you care about someone else, when you truly want them nothing else matters ok? If you have the same feelings like I do, then time means nothing, I am in love with you Edward and time doesn't come into it...I had thought that you were the same…" His eyes were trying to convey something, anything. All I saw was his panic, his fear to declare himself. I couldn't do this. Not now. Not ever. I steadied by voice, swallowing the giant lump of pain, I continued. "It's fine. I don't want you to say it when you don't mean it."

"It's not that, I just...I need to process everything."

"Process what exactly?"

"Everything!" To me that sounded like he wanted to look for better options. He wanted to decide if he loved me or not. It didn't sound like he was there. Or even half way. In that one second, I heard everything crack. The 'L' word became the black sheep of the room. I had cursed whatever we had because I fell too quickly. I was there and he wasn't.

I didn't know what else to say. "Oh."

"Ok cool, so we're…."

"Yep, we're good."

"You don't mind that I can't call you my girlfriend and shit. "

"Edward, I get it. We're friends. It's completely understandable." My voice was an icicle. I knew Alice would be proud of me.

I wondered if he felt relieved. If this conversation had been like a get out of jail free card for him. He didn't sound it though. "What do you mean 'friends?"

"Exactly what it sounds like."

He gritted his teeth. His eyes glared at me. I knew he was pissed off, I knew he was frustrated. Annoyed that I had ruined such a great gig with my pseudo break up. I knew him without realising it. "It sounds like you are going to ignore what we have."

"It's just the way I'm wired; I said after Jake that I won't have something with someone who can't commit. It hurts too much when the other person isn't really there....it's not right...." His jaw clenched at the sound of Jake's name.

"So if they aren't willing to make a claim it's over....And somehow it's alright if you're cheating on your best friend."Fury engulfed me. In that one instant I hated him with everything in my entire being. I took a step forward and attempted to slap him. He grabbed my wrist before contact. My eyes blazed. His looked apologetic. He took a step back and let go of my arm.

I wanted to spit. Instead, with my heart breaking in two, I retaliated. "You're a jerk you know that?"

"I didn't mean…" it was the end and he knew it.

"Fuck you Edward Masen. Good luck with your groupie girls tonight. I hope you catch something."

I ran outside. Caught a cab home. Alice called half an hour later asking where I was. I apologised for not telling her I was gone. Esme messaged asking why Edward was sulking. I didn't respond. Her messages increased in frequency and through her drunken haze I was too understand more than one girl was draping herself over him. I knew he wouldn't be rejecting their advances. My heart shrivelled up and cracked open.

I with held the tears until after I group messaged. Rose. Emmett. Esme. Carlisle. Alice. Jasper.

"_Whatever Edward and I had is over. Don't ask." _

I switched off my phone and cried myself to sleep, engulfed in dreams of the meadow and lives less hellish.

**A/N: I'd appreciate feedback. Oh and if anyone other than the great hammondgirl can tell me why ff seems to be abandon as of late? (ie. The removal of stories/authors etc.) That would be ace. **


	7. She Moves in her own Way

**A/N: This is the second last chapter. It's dedicated to all those people who waited for **_**that **_**phone call and it never came. On another note, I retract my statement about the final chapter being 'perfect,' there is such a big build up now and i'm slightly worried about the downfall. But I will try to get it out soon.**

**Music Influences: Private Education- Josh Pyke, My Girls- Animal Collective, Lousy Reputation- We are Scientists, Soon We'll be Found- Sia and obviously Firecracker- Voxtrot. (Jake's song) **

**Disclaimer: I'm not Smeyer nor Voxtrot. **

Chapter Seven. "She Moves in her own Way"

The night was destined to be hell.

Pure and simple.

Hell.

Not only was I was jammed into the same car with Edward. Not only was Alice also pressed up against my side, squishing me against the window because the backseat of Emmett's jeep did not fit the three of us. Thank god Alice had decided to sit in the middle. Separating us; me from him. However, the car ride wasn't the main reason for this night to be hellish. Even Edward's actual presence after a fortnight of near silence, wasn't the reason. No, the main reason was a combination of those with me and tonight's destination; the Wolves gig.

I didn't really have a choice though Rose had demanded I go.

It had been a fortnight since _that night_. Two weeks since I'd had any other mood except miserable. I'd switched my phone on following the pseudo break and it had revealed about eighteen missed calls and fifteen messages.

Not a single one was from Edward.

In fact, we had spoken for exactly three minutes in the last fourteen days. One conversation started by Alice had led to a three way, it had been a subdued discussion regarding future meetings because apparently I had cracked a tantrum when I'd heard he was going out for dinner with _my_ friends and hadn't asked me. I had no recollection of this happening. I had thought I'd dealt with the snub quite well. Apparently not. I'd spent the whole phone call biting my lip to stop him hearing the tears. He sounded indifferent. The result of the conversation had led to a joint decision to be civil to each other. Well that was Alice's idea. He had grunted in what I assume was a response. The second time he'd called after one in the morning, his voice was droopy like he was drunk and demanded to know if I was seeing Jake again. I hung up on him.

But tonight, I would try to be civil because Rose and Emmett asked me nicely. They were going strong and wanted to hang out with their best friends. So I'd said I'd put on the big kid pants and do it for a night. But Christ, the hurt was still there. I think it would be for a while. Rose and Alice hadn't known what to say to me. I hadn't told them what had actually happened. No one knew the exact wording of our fight. The 'L' word wasn't discussed. I wasn't aware than anyone had inside information. I certainly wasn't willingly giving away that information. Rose and Alice sort of spoke around Edward's name, spoke around his actions as though tip toeing around a child sleeping. And I didn't think Edward would tell anyone. So the two girls felt guilty about demanding I confront him because they saw that as the catalyst. I didn't want to tell them it was my fault. I'd misinterpreted the signs. He hadn't meant what I'd thought. I'd misunderstood and it had taken me too long to confront it.

So I ignored it all. And tried to focus on studying for my last few exams. The term was almost over and then I'd have two weeks to recover from the multiple emotional roller coasters I'd recently experienced.

At least I wasn't crying anymore. The tears had stopped last night.

I think my tear ducts were broken. Along with my heart.

Its so cliché isn't it? To say your heart is broken but it's honest to god what it felt like. Pain was raw like it had just happened. I reacted to the stupidest things. I had almost put my foot through the television when a red headed cop appeared on Charlie's favourite TV show. I'd burst into tears when Charlie asked me if Edward was behaving. I'd kissed Jake unexpectantly when he'd shown up with his father before screaming at him that I hated all men. I couldn't listen to any songs by Ida Maria nor could I watch Damages without the tears pooling on my eyes. I'd written my English practice exam in French. School was back to normal, I faded into the background with news of a bigger scandal. Though I must admit girls were weary of mentioning their boyfriend's names around me. I'd forgotten to show up to three of my shifts at work. I played Damien Rice over and over until the sound of his songs slipped into my subconscious. I avoided my iPod like the plague and local radio was also out; the Cullen's music was on constant loop. I couldn't focus on my work. I would be staring at the blank page for half an hour, willing the words to sink. They wouldn't and I'd be left with that pain in my gut that never left. My mind was crushing itself, screaming 'what is wrong with me' over and over until even my internal monologue was sick of it.

I was over feeling like this. Over feeling like I wasn't worth it. In all, I was a mess and that's why Rose had decided I needed to go out tonight.

She had conveniently forgotten to mention that Edward would be joining us until about an hour before she picked me up. At first I had thought she was joking. As in, I actually barked out a laugh, one of those one syllable ones. When she assured me she wasn't, I cracked it at her. I almost had a panic attack on the phone before snapping and seeing red. I screamed obscenities down the phone.

Alice decided to confront me. "Bella, it's not healthy love."

"I don't care." Jesus, I sounded like a spoilt brat. But couldn't they see it was still hurting? Everything I had been put through had been so Edward would be with me and to have nothing for my actions. Fuck it hurt.

Rose didn't seem to care, her bitchy attitude echoing down the phone. "You can't stay locked in your room hiding."

"I'm not!"'

Alice tried a different angle. "You are, Bella, you need to start moving on. Rose and I understand-"

Rose interrupted sounding annoyed that Alice was speaking for her. "Alice, we discussed this. I don't think she should. They should be together…he is just as messed up."

"I'm not messed up!"

"Bullshit." Rose snapped back at me. If we had been standing face to face I would have stuck my tongue out alas we weren't so I had to suffer the retort in silence.

I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see him. I didn't really want to see anyone; I wasn't in the social mood. "You're both bitches talking about me behind my back. I am not going tonight and that is final."

Alice sounded concerned. "Bella, please you need to face him."

I guess Rose had, had enough. "Yes Isabella, we are picking you up in an hour. Be ready."

"I am not coming!"

"You are! I don't care if I have to drag you out of the house by your hair, if the boys can get Mr. prissy in the car, I can get you."

I took a deep breath, feeling like I should scream I lowered my voice so it was calm. "Seriously, Rose I don't want to face him."

She sighed in response. "I know that sweetie, but you need to."

I swallowed the lump in my throat that knew she was right, I needed to get over the first meet. "I'm hurt."

Alice was strangely silent on the phone, letting Rose spew her wisdom at me I guess. Rose was trying to comfort me, in her own manipulative way. "I know. But you hurt me to get him. So now you need to build a bridge and get over it, otherwise you are never going to recover. Besides he knows your coming so if you bail it will look like you chickened out."

I responded, my voice numb. "I am."

Rose snapped back at me. "I am not letting you be the wimp here Isabella. I mean it. You are coming. You promised Emmett and me, you agreed to this expedition. So that is that."

"Please." I was at the end of my begging.

Alice butted in, usually she sided with me but this time I guess she had, had enough. "Bella, Rose is right, everyone knows you're expected, it will just be worse if you don't show."

"Thanks a lot."

I recognized a muffled laugh that sounded like Rose before she said "See you in an hour."

"Fine."

I pulled my doona over my head and sung as loudly as I could. I screamed insults into my pillow until Charlie came in and asked what was happening.

They both showed up less than an hour later. I hadn't moved. I was comatose in bed. I claimed sickness. I said I felt like I was going to throw up. I also claimed a headache thinking the double wammy would work. Rose laughed at me and started rummaging in my cupboard, pulling stuff out for me to wear while Alice got me a panadol. I screamed for Charlie, he asked what was wrong. Alice unleashed her charm and he went away. I begged. All the years I had kept their secrets were suddenly in full force; I hoped the info I had stored up would blackmail them enough that I didn't have to go. Then Rose had dropped the bomb, told me something that Alice snapped at her for.

Spilled the so call 'big secret.'

Ruined the one memory I had clung to. She knew it was something that meant a lot to me.

"_Bella, Edward took someone else to the clearing." _

I decided then and there that I was through with everything related to him.

So here I was standing in my bedroom watching Alice put together a new outfit for me. I had been wearing my most unattractive clothing before they had got there. Why would I care what I looked like? Why would I bother to change? I had no one to impress. Alice had a different take on this though. Apparently, I was to dress as though I didn't care what Edward thought. Appear indifferent yet dress up so he realized what he was missing out on. I asked Alice if she had learnt that technique from a James Bond film. Rose rolled her eyes and asked me to focus. I wanted him to want me. So I wore blue. Because Edward sung a song about liking blue.

Alice said, he was also a mess and this would kick his butt into action. And for some ungodly reason, I was taking Alice's words as gospel.

Despite living in denial. I refused to admit I was that much of a mess. I didn't need there so called 'intervention' to get out of the house, I was fine. Upset, sure, but fine. Considering. Rose scoffed at me when I pointed this out. She acknowledged my unwashed hair and noted my nails were bitten to the bone. Alice also recounted the whole practice exam scenario. Conceding, I decided then, that I was most definitely not over him. I wanted him to want me. To beg me to forgive him. I hated the brief spurt of hope that engulfed the pain at hearing how he was a mess also. But I denied it. I was going to be strong.

Yet I had decided to go along with Alice's game of Bella Barbie, even if it was to make her happy. I owed it to Rose to at least try and maintain some sort of friendship with the boy. If Emmett was to continue to be around, it was more than likely that I'd see Edward again. The longer I held onto the pain. The harder it would be. Plus I kind of missed hanging out with the band.

That said, the car trip had been tense. Edward had said five words. They were all variations of yes.

I, too, could have won a chatty Cathy prize.

I couldn't help but stare at him from the corner of my eye. His five o'clock shadow highlighting his jaw line. His hair had been cut since I'd last seen him. Deep indents under his eyes. A cigarette plastered to his lips. He'd already knocked back a few drinks with Emmett. He'd sat tense in the car. Agitated by my presence. He scowled when Alice asked me a direct question. I'd lost my thought process when he looked back at me.

The car had been far too quiet for five people.

Alice provided the constant talking, discussing the bands gig tomorrow. Emmett made jokes and repetitively asked if everyone was coming tomorrow. Apparently the Cullen's were performing some mass gig. I coughed instead of answering. Rose rolled her eyes. Edward sat in silence fuming.

Jasper was meeting us there. So Alice was chatting away on her phone to him. The rest of us tried to pretend we couldn't hear all the mushy stuff the two were saying to each other. Emmett's radio had issues trying to maintain reception and the only cd in the car was their own. He said it was pretentious to play their own music, so we basically sat in silence. And I sat pretending to look out the window but instead staring at him. At least Alice had sat in the middle.

The Wolves were already on stage half way through an original song when we'd walked in. The choice of band had been another of Rose's brilliant ideas to get Edward jealous. I didn't understand.

Apparently Edward had only agreed to come when he heard the words Jake and Bella in the same sentence. That Esme would later volunteer willingly. I wondered if all my friends were dead set on getting us back together. I wanted to tell them all I was game. Edward was not. End of story.

We all got drinks and stood around, facing the stage. Jake looked well. His hair was growing longer and I chuckled into my glass remembering how he hated me touching it. I couldn't see any of the usual tag along to the band but I guessed they were back stage. I messaged Claire but got no response. I heard the opening rift of the next song and my heart dropped through my stomach. It was thumping. Oh shit. I knew my eyes had widened to the size of golf balls, I glanced at Alice and she flashed me a panicky look. Of course she knew its meaning, this was Alice.

_I had a lust I had a firecracker_

Jakes gravelly voice picked up the beat of the song. The tune he had written for me. I wanted to melt into the floor. Suddenly I needed to do something with my hands; they clasped the glass I was holding, tightly. I fidgeted with the rim, the tips of my fingers slowly getting wet. I felt Edward stand closer. He must have noticed the way my hands were gripping my glass because he briefly grabbed one of my hands as a distraction. I clung to it for the shortest of seconds. I hoped he didn't feel how sweaty it was. And then I ripped my hand away when I remembered. No one noticed my reaction except him. He ran his hand through his hair. I looked at the bar and centered myself, when I looked back to the group Alice was drilling her eyes into mine. Shit, I'd forgotten about this song. My heart was still thumping so I couldn't digest what she was trying to say without words. The song continued on around me.  
_I'm still in love_

I took a sip. I wanted the song to end. I wanted to slap Jake. I wanted so scream loudly and scare everyone. My skin felt like it was covered in insects and I started fidgeting again. I was angry. How dare he play that song tonight? He knew I was going to be here. Knowing Jake, that was probably his plan. My eyes darted around the room. I was looking anywhere but at the stage. I zoned out for a few seconds, focusing on Edward's hair. Trying to ignore the fear that was creeping over the feelings of contentment. Edward said he couldn't commit. He glanced wearily at me; I crossed my arms over my chest. No response.

No reaction.

Maybe he really didn't care. Then Rose felt the need to bring attention to what I was trying to forget.

_Break down on the record company  
Did you turn you back on me? Or did I turn myself against myself?_

Rose finally tuning into the music suddenly sprayed her drink all over Emmett. Her eyebrows had risen to her hair line. "Fuck Bella, is this _that_ song?" I refused to look at her. I knew Alice elbowed her but I hoped no one saw. Edward sulked. Instead of reacting, I took a steady sip from my drink. I pretended I hadn't heard. The prayer in my head suddenly jumping into overdrive. Don't draw attention to it. Don't acknowledge that she has spoken. Please no one acknowledge she has spoken. Especially not Edward, it's embarrassing. I was hearing my ex sing a song written for me. A song he finished the week before I broke up with him for another guy. A guy, who had broken my heart and rejected me like I was a mere fancy, a guy who I was currently listening to the song with. Frak. Karma's a bitch. I prayed that everyone would just let this song pass and everything would be fine. I felt Edwards eyes gaze at me. I took a step back. He didn't move. I really didn't want to face this embarrassment.

"What song?" I had never wanted to hit Emmett more than I had in that second. He had obviously been too busy wiping his shirt down alas his delayed questioning. With all the calmness I looked at Rose. She shuddered under my gaze. I knew she wanted to tell everyone. Get a reaction from Edward. I didn't want this. I wasn't her. The look said, please don't say anything. For fear of death. She nodded subtly.

"Nothing. Ignore her." Alice looked at me again. I ignored it. I bit my lip and took another sip. My stare resting on the bar.

But I knew it would come out now. Emmett wouldn't leave it, let alone Edward. He approached the question cautiously. His voice causing a thousand memories to filter through my head, it caused the ache in my heart to deepen. "Bella, what is so special about this song?"

I tried to ignore how this was the first time he had directly spoken to me since _that _night. I wanted to scream traitor at Rose and Alice as they gestured towards the bar and steered Emmett there. Alice looked back at me for a second and I saw pity in her eyes. I took my phone out, intending to message Esme. Edward reached over and took it from my hand.

I didn't even glare at him.

Avoiding eye contact was the trick.

I couldn't have a conversation if I didn't look at him. He repeated his question, louder, more agitated; "Isabella, do you know this song?"

I wittily responded. "Yes of course Edward. Your band's songs are not the only music I listen to."

"You know what I mean! Can you just answer me….please?" he tacked the last bit on at the end, knowing I couldn't refuse a begging Edward.

How do you respond? Oh yes Edward, I know this song because it's written about me. For me. To apologise to me. Is that how I tell him? Is that what I was meant to say? Instead the words sort of fumbled out. "I…Jake…It..Wrote…he…me…I…" I wanted to cry out because I knew the second chorus was over. I knew the lyrics that were coming.

_I'm still in love  
I set the love in motion_

"Jake wrote this song for you?" I heard the anger. I didn't want to be on the receiving end. I just nodded and closed my eyes. How mortifying.

_I stare at love with the future we planned  
Tell me you feel, this ain't complete emotion  
I'm still in love with you baby I am  
Oh, did you turn your back on me?_

"What?" Edwards face was amused; he thought we were messing around. I didn't want to tell him.

_I'm still in love_

_I'm still in love with you baby I am  
Oh, did you turn your back on me?_

Ironic, wasn't it?

The night was ruined. I took a glance at Edward. He was fuming. His head was in his hands. His fingers pulling at his hair. An anguished groan was escaping his lips.

"This is bullshit, how can you let him say shit like this to you like that after everything that he has do-"

I blinked. He glared. Oh, he was serious.

"I find that is a tiny bit HYPOCRITICAL don't you think? How can you stand there and say that to me? You're the one who said, No "I can't commit." You wanted to stay friends. Friends, that's all. You let me give up everything I had and then you said oh I can't commit to you. I was all for it. But no you couldn't commit to more, right? And now you're agitated because my ex is singing a song about me? Why do you even care Edward? Why?" I was unaware of how loud I was shouting until I realized the few people that had been standing around us had stopped every conversation they were having and were staring. Jasper and Alice's eyes were falling out of their sockets. Rose's jaw had dropped. She had never seen me so mad.

"Bella, I…" his eyes flickered back to where Jake stood singing into the microphone. He was preoccupied by the battle he had with Jake. He trailed off, oblivious to the anger that was pulsing in my veins. "What a complete fuck head, he knew we were both going to be here tonight."

I'd had enough. A fortnight of silence. A car ride of glares and now this.

"When will you realise, there is no 'we' Edward. You made that pretty clear." I stormed over to the bar. "ALICE, we're leaving."

"Bella, just wait please." He called out behind me.

"No. I don't have to. And I'm not."

She hailed a cab and we had left in ten minutes.

**

He called at five past two; I had to muffle my ringtone so Charlie didn't rush into my room. I knew the exact time because I had been clock watching ever since we had gotten home. Alice had helped me into bed, the sobs tripping me up. Fucking broken tear ducts. She hugged me tight when I'd repeatedly asked her why he acted that way. And now I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts running through my mind. Too many tears still to be spilt. The night's events had only made it worse.

I only answered to hear what he had to say.

Well, that's how I justified it to myself.

I guess that anxious energy had taken over. The kind of energy that makes you unable to lie still. The kind that holds your heart ransom even when you know there is nothing between the two of you anymore. The emotion that abandons the concept of self preservation. My heart raced. My palms sweated. The butterflies in my stomach started doing back flips. The smile spread over my face. The emotions that get your heart pumping, that overwhelm, capture, take in every sense of the word. All insecurities are momentarily tossed aside, to be mulled over later. The excitement because even though he crushed you, even though he fractured your heart, you still have the feelings. You still want him. You still crave him. As disturbing as it is, I wanted to hear Edward's voice.

He sounded anxious.

"I don't know what to say. I am sorry about my reaction before. I just...Song writing is close to the heart you know?" I didn't answer. He let out a long agitated breath. "Let's not fight, please Bella."

"I didn't say anything Edward."

He mumbled his response, sounding even more agitated. "Yeah.... sure.... clearly I can tell you're pissed about something."

I sighed in annoyance. "Embarrassed and hurt more likely Edward."

"Bella," He nervously chuckled. "I'd planned on telling you tonight." He didn't say anything more.

I sighed in frustration. "Telling me what Edward? I am over these games alright, so just tell me. I'm tired. Say what you want then I want to go to sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Obviously not with the two in the morning phone calls these days."

"Shit. Shit.... I'm sorry I wasn't looking at the time...all I wanted to hear was your voice."

I felt my heart retract at what he was saying. "Can you not?"

"Can I not, what? I just wanted to speak to you."

"Well speak. I don't want to hear these half hearted apologies Edward. I don't want to hear these ohhh all I want to h ear is your voice... I just…I can't anymore alright. Tell me what you want and let me go."

"I can't do that….because….Bella, what I want is to be right there with you." I was silent. My heart thumped loudly. My chest physically hurt. I felt like I should want to scream, cry and jump up and down all at once. Instead I was numb. My breathing was even, my heart thumped with nerves. With realizations. With the tiniest bit of hope.

He made me question my own worth. He made me feel pain because I wasn't something good enough. His apology wasn't something I welcomed, sure I wanted it. Just like every girl wants the fairy tale, but I didn't know if it was enough. "So you what, changed your mind suddenly? It's not enough."

He breathed out his response. "I'm sorry."

I thought about it for a second. I thought about all the shit we had been through. Deep down I knew it hadn't been something he planned. "I know you are."

"Bella…I wasn't thinking clearly alright? I can't get you out of my head. And when I try, these feelings feel something for you and it's not anything I can control… I've tried everything…I know it's not your fault I just can't stop thinking about what I did wrong."

What did, 'I've tried everything,' actually mean? Does that mean he was back on drugs? Does that mean he had slept with half the groupies who flocked to him? "What have you done exactly?"

"Can we not?" I heard him light a cigarette. "I promised you no drugs and I kept that promise Bella." I knew what that meant. He couldn't help himself. With ten girls throwing themselves at him. It was like a knife in the gut. I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds, to hold the tears at bay while he continued to torment me. I knew he had. Esme had pretty much said as much, I just wanted him to understand how it felt. To know, that someone had the power to hurt you so much.

"And after fucking half the state you decide you were wrong, you're sorry and you have feelings for me?"

"I am not going to answer you, Isabella."He sounded angry. It was enough of an answer. The final nail in my coffin.

"I can't do it anymore Edward. I can't try. Not again."

"Well, that's bullshit…you just don't want to. I can't sleep but it doesn't mean I don't try."

"You can't sleep because of the smokes and caffeine."

He laughed without humour. "Lies. All of it." He was silent, I could hear him breathing. "I'll do whatever it takes, please."

I sighed. I didn't know how to answer. I didn't know what I wanted to say. I didn't know if I could simply forget everything, simply forget how he treated me. And then there was the whole issue of what we had actually been. I was confused. "Are we meant to be friends then?"

"No Isabella, we would be a couple. We would date. I would take you out to dinner, preferably in a restaurant not a café. I would meet your father. You'd say hello to my mother as you left my house after staying over. We would discuss your brainiac English classes. We would laugh at Emmett. We would make love. I would struggle everyday to be something, _anything_ for you. I'd dedicate songs to you. I'd call you my girlfriend on stage. I'd get fucked over and beg you to take me home in the middle of the night. You'd laugh and call me a wanker. I don't care what else; I don't really know what else…I have never felt like this. I just know I'd have you and you'd have me."

I sat in silence. It was everything I wanted. It was him. All of him. He was offering. I closed my eyes and conjured up the thought of what it had been like that day in the clearing.

Those memories were of course tarnished by Rose's truth.

"Edward it's what I wanted…"

"But? I can hear a but ….Bella I know it has taken me too long to get here but please…please." His voice pleaded. As in actually pleaded. My head screamed "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER." The choice was mine; I could hang up or take him back. He could do this again. Hurt me. Or we could be what I felt. What I had wanted. What I still wanted if I could get over the heart ache.

So I stayed silent for a minute, I could hear him breathing. I wanted to know what he was thinking. But more than anything, I wanted to know the truth. "I heard from Rose that you took someone there." He didn't need any other words. He knew what I was referring too. The conversation turned back to reality. I felt my heart was being ripped out as I confronted him about someone and the field we had found together. The moments we had shared there.

"Rose should mind her own fucking business. We are no longer together so why does she still keep tabs on me, why does she continue to fuck everything up for me?" I scoffed.

I snapped back, angry that he couldn't even give me a straight answer. "Do you blame Rose for fucking other girls also?"

"It was a mistake."He answered too fast. Too quick. My heart dropped to my stomach.

"It's true?" I stayed silent trying to process what this meant. I had meant the clearing, not the girls. "You took someone else there."

"She didn't care. It was stupid. I'm sorry." I didn't need to know the name. I didn't need to know the hair colour. A 'she' was enough.

My voice was croaky. Cut up. Very close to breaking. I needed to clarify. "You took her there."

"I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I thought it might not just be you. I didn't understand Bella. I didn't understand any of it. And then you weren't answering my calls. And I wanted to see. I just didn't understand." He kept repeating he didn't understand. I cut him off because I couldn't take it. He didn't understand what exactly?

"Is it my fault because you rejected me?"

"No. It's not your fault its mine Isabella… please can we try."

"Try?" I said it like the word tasted foul in my mouth.

He obviously didn't hear my distain, he sounded almost relieved. "Yes, try!"

"I tried to get you to listen to me. I tried to get you to commit. I tried to put my friendship back together after everything. I tried to be the friend you wanted. I tried to not read into anything. I tried to let us go at our own pace. I had to try harder than anything to get Rose to trust me again. I have tried Edward. I'm not doing it anymore."

"Bella, please."

"Please what Edward? Please let you hurt me again, please let me make a fool of you again; I am done with this trying bullshit Edward. You had a chance and you didn't want it. That's all there is to it." I was silently crying now. I knew it couldn't be the end. I just didn't have it in me to lead anymore. It was up to him.

"You need sleep…I want to see you tomorrow… please go with Jasper. Just go to the gig alright? I mean it Bella. I fucking do."

"Time's up Edward. I'll go tomorrow. But only because Jasper threatened Alice if I don't come."

"As long as you will be there." He was silent for a moment, our breathing the only joint emotion. My heart raced, the butterflies strangled my heart. Before he hung up, his gravelly voice muttered. "I miss you too." And then he was gone.

**A/N: please review. **


	8. Naive

**A/N: there comes a moment in ff that crosses the line. Cheeseball clichés become reality. Smeyers twilight becomes more than a joke. Too many anyway. I'm the first to claim I'm addicted to the spinoff crack of twilight ff. I'm also the first to claim its so very lame. I don't know if its cos I'm a semi-lit grad. Or if its because I'm a snob. Either way, this chapter embraces the awkward, cringe worthy joke of a ff based on twilight. You have to remember, in my AU the song "Little Lion Man" by ****Mumford and Sons does not exist. Yes, there is a song dedication and yes it is based on this song. But you have to pretend, E is playing it for B. I want you to youtube it. If you know it, play it. It's not central to the story. But it's a fuck lovely song. And ****IT IS KEY TO THIS PLOT****. Thanks. **

**Music influence: Accidental Babies- Damien Rice , Little Lion Man – Mumford and Sons. Undercover Martyn- Two Door Cinema Club. **

**Disclaimer- not smeyer and i definitely cannot sing/nor write amazing lyrics like Mumford and sons. **

Chapter Eight – Naive.

**

He sat on a chair in the middle of the stage. His hair was scruffier than normal, like he had spent the whole day pulling at it. A microphone was right in his face, one of his guitars was resting on his lap. The guitar looked different. His foot was tapping, agitated, indicating he was nervous. He bit at his lip. Self loathing sparked as i wanted to soothe it with mine. His jacket was slung casually over the back of the chair. He was wearing a white shirt with a grey vest and black pants. The collar was half tucked under, clearly he had dressed in a rush. I tried to forget the conversation we had had on the phone. I tried to forget how he had pleaded. How he had sulked. How he had said he wanted to try. Sweet jesus, he said he was mine. He wasn't looking at anyone, just starring at the back wall. I couldn't help but stare at him. I was lost in a trance. A trance centered around him.

As though i was underwater and everyone else was on the surface; I heard Alice saying something to me. I couldn't hear it clearly and I shook my head to get out of the trance just as she tugged on my arm.

"Bella, are you alright? Jasper said under pain of death I was to get you here tonight but if it's too much I understand." She was trying to be a good friend. Something i wasn't. I hadn't told her the actions of last night. I hadn't told her what had happened.

"It's alright Alice. I'll be fine. Edward and i have a truce at the moment."

And just like that, Alice transformed from caring best friend to her defensive persona. Never be fooled by Alice, she was short, skinny and wore ridiculous heels that could spike your eye out; but she was fiercly protective. "what do you mean a truce? When did you speak to him?" I didn't say anything, just shrugged my shoulders. Her anger was now directed at me. " Please don't tell me you he called last night after how he reacted and you listened."

I looked back towards the stage. He was still nervous.

Jasper appeared next to us. Alice was furiously whispering to him. He seemed to be getting into trouble. I bet it was because I had spoken to _him._ I chose to ignore them. The floor was growing pretty anxious. Every now and then someone would shout out Edward's name. His head would snap in their direction, his eyes would focus but then he would return to staring at the back wall and jittering his knee up and down.

"Bella, what did you say to Edward?" I knew she meant last night. Not when we had our pseudo break up. But the sentiment was the same. Nothing had changed. My head tore away from him and my eyes locked with Alice's.

"I told him I loved him Al." Her face portrayed little emotion. But i knew her well. I saw the brief look of shock, the short gasp that she masked so well. I had never said that to anyone. She knew that. Jake hadn't even come close.

After a moment, her voice lowered to a whisper and she approached the question with caution, "and what did he say?"

"He said he needed time." I bit my bottom lip. But then he said, he was mine. Then he said he was sorry. Alice sighed, and put her arm around me. Her way of comforting, of symbolizing she was on my side. I shrugged it her off. I didn't want it.

The lights went out. I was confused. Jasper passed a beer to Emmett. Emmett as in the member of the band Emmett. Shit. I saw Esme standing on the side of the stage, at least I knew it wasn't only Edward up there. A wave of unease washed over me. My arm reached out to grab Jasper's, he knew what was happening. He shook me away.

The spotlight hit Edward.

Aw fuck. Please don't let it be what i think this is.

He coughed into the microphone. His voice was strained. Nervous and tired. "I am about to do something terribly cliché ...and yes i know song dedications surely fuck up any street cred of a band. I am with 'The Cullens,' I wrote this for someone who I care about …Bella I'm sorry."

There was a sort of startled excited gasp that came from the crowd but it disapparated as soon as he started strumming. All I heard was the chorus. All I heard was him.

"_take all the courage you have left  
wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head_

but it was not your fault but mine  
and it was your heart on the line  
i really fucked it up this time  
didn't I, my dear?"

I don't think i breathed for the entire 4 and a half minutes. It was everything he said. He was sorry.

The crowd was of course clapping and cheering. Alice was grinning. Jasper was shaking his head back and forth. I think I heard him mutter, 'fucking genius.' Emmett was doing those really loud two finger whistles. Roselie hung off his arm. But I was too busy staring at Edward. He jumped down from the stage. The crowd didn't part like it would have if this was some horrible movie. No, everyone seemed to be rushing at him. They wanted to celebrate. This was new, different, the Cullens never sounded like this. It was very much a western country, folk style. I wanted to ask Edward who had written the accompanying music but I assumed it was him. And besides I still couldn't think straight.

I think i was crying.

I wasn't quite sure.

My face felt wet. I guess that meant tears. I was amazed at what Edward had sung, amazed that he could write something like that, embarrassed that it was written for me. Shocked that he was willing to forfeit cred for it. I laughed through my tears. I wanted to run away and hide. I wanted to run an jump on him. I wanted to never let him ago.

I didn't have that much time to process anything. Because suddenly he was right in front of me. Everyone was staring.

Rose was standing, holding onto Emmett. Carlisle had his arms wrapped around Esme, I could tell he was whispering something in her ear. Jasper was kissing Alice. They were standing so close. Circling around us. Staring. Watching. Looking.

I couldn't breathe.

I looked up at him, my heart pounding, my throat dry. What the heck was I meant to say, how was I meant to react. The excitement and nerves were building, pulsing through my body, freaking me out. And then it came to fulcrum when he questioned me. ""Do you smoke? I need a smoke."

I blinked once. Twice. Thrice. Then it settled in. my gut lurched and I felt slightly queasy. Had he really opened his heart to me on the stage then dismissed me for a cigarette? I wondered what I had done wrong. Something seemed deflated, off, unsure. Maybe I was questioning myself. Maybe he was questioning himself. I didn't know how to act. Or what to do.

I didn't know if I was smiling. Or if I was glaring. I was in shock.

"did you just?" I gestured towards the stage. Words failed me.

"yeah, I guess I did." My jaw must have dropped open because Emmett said something. Edward's head turned to face him and I reached out to grab Edward's hand. I wanted all his attention on me. He interwined our fingers. My heart was thumping. His eyes flickered back to mine and didn't sway. He used his other hand to pull my hair back behind my ear.

He repeated. "Let's go outside."

Finally I found my voice. I registered what he had said. "I don't smoke."

"You can just stand with me."

My emotions were all over the place. So I giggled, "alright."

My heart started racing again. Background music was playing, but everyone still stared. The air tingled around us, our gazes locked in. I shuddered but I wasn't cold. "Please." He pleaded and I felt my heart physically ache. He was asking again because I was numb. My feet literally wouldn't move. I looked up at him, pleading. He pulled on my hand and I stumbled forward. My legs finally deciding to work. I wanted to run away and find Alice, make her splash cold water on my face, make Rose slap me. But I didn't want to leave his side. His fingers squeezed mine. I looked down at them.

"I'm sorry. Can we please talk?" He was serious. he sounded nervous. Stressed. In pain.

"yes. Let's go outside." It sunk in. he had just got on stage and played a song. For me. About how much he was sorry. He wanted me to try. Really try.

He let go of my hand and ran it through his hair. Finally, he looked back at me. I blinked. He nodded and I followed. Immediately his stray hand filtered back to grab mine.

The alley way was dodgy and narrow, I'd seen it when I had first entered but now it offered a kind of respite from the noise. Edward held the door open for me and I waltzed outside. I hadn't realized inside was so loud until the door closed behind us. A security guard stood off to the side. He glanced me up and down before he noticed Edward. Intimidated by Edward, the bouncers eyes became interested in some kids down the street. Edward was scowling at him. I coughed and his death stare didn't waver. I reached into his coat pocket which made him flinch. I pulled out his lighter and two cigarettes.

He smirked at me. "you said you don't smoke." Our playful banter was calming me. Allowing me to have a moment to think about what had just happened.

So I snapped. "I don't."

"Well Isabella, I'm not going to encourage a nicotine habit that will lead to cancer in ten years." Somewhere at the back of my mind, I recalled that being my argument to quit smoking right after the meadow.

I rolled my eyes. "well…Maybe I want to start again….if you can do it, regardless of your decision, I can do it."

"oh yeah?" I nodded. He looked saddened by what I'd said. Smug with myself I tried to light my cigarette but the lighter was impossible. One of those high tech gadget looking ones. Edward chuckled, "Bella, leave it."

"oh fuck." I handed him back the lighter and smoke. My hand was shaking. He grinned and wrapped an arm around me.

He took a shaky deep breath, his voice was quiet and I had to strain to hear him over the hustle and bustle of the alley way. "You know, I sort of can't think or speak coherently around you."

"How do you mean?" I always thought he was quite coherent. I, on the other hand wondered if I would ever be able to say anything more than innate dribble in his presence. I always seemed to be about ten minutes behind the conversation.

"I get nervous Swan. You make me fucking nervous. And that's why I had to write your song."

Yeah that makes sense Edward. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. I sarcastically responded, "you can't speak around me yet you can sing something so fuck amazing that I can't even begin to register what this means."

He took a deep breath. And steadied himself. He took a step close to me. His hand pulled my chin up. His eyes looked down at mine. I clawed at his jacket. I clawed at his vest. He took another breath. "I fucked up. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. That's what it means."

"No." my response was soft.

"No?"his voice broke. He took a step back. Panic flashed through his eyes. He leaned over like he was about to be sick. It registered what he had said. How I had responded. Fuck. I hadn't finished what I was meant to say.

"Shit. I didn't mean it like that. I was tyring to say how you make me incoherent also. I don't think you completely fucked up…well you did but not permanently, not behind repair anyway…in my opinion…Especially if you have another song like that in you."

He let out the deepest sigh of relief. "Jesus Christ don't ever do that to me again." He rushed at me and kissed me quickly. It was short. Soft. Welcoming.

"Don't give me a chance to." I raised my eyebrows in annoyance. I kissed him back just as quickly.

"Touché." A grin flickered across his face. He lent his head back, exposing his neck to me, he took another drag of the cigarette just as I nipped at his neck. He laughed, carefree. The tension around his eyes disappeared. I grinned. He snubbed the cigarette out on the pavement.

"That was quick." He raised his eyebrows at me. I gestured to the cigarette he had already put out.

"You don't smoke anymore Bella."

I rolled my eyes, "so? Just because I am no longer a smoker doesn't mean I don't know two drags finishes a dart."

He smirked. "My new life theory….. you don't, I don't." he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards the door, towards inside.

I stopped walking. He stopped walking and turned back to me. I wanted to kiss him again. Privately, before we had to face everyone else. "Oh?"

His face turned serious. "I need to say this, alright. So let me say it all please. I think I'll try it with my eyes shut so I don't get distracted." I smiled and he quickly kissed me again before shutting his eyes. "Everything you said the other day. Fuck I am an idiot. Everything I told you on the phone last night. I'm sorry about the meadow. It's ours, it always has been…that song, which Emmett loves by the way, is what I mean."

"I get you." He opened his eyes, a weary look on his face.

"Bella, I don't want you 'to make decisions regardless,' I want us to make them together. I want there to be an 'us."

"Oh." Was I that incoherent, he was making these incredible statements and I was responding with an 'oh.'

"And you can forget about all the groupie insecurities because I don't see anyone else."

"What?"

"I am so fucking whipped. But I don't really care anymore…In a crowded room, the only person I can see, the only person I can sense is you. and I'm asking because you deserve the fairy tale bullshit that you give me that chance to prove it, because I need it Bella, I need you. and I know you said I was too late and I know just telling you I fucked up doesn't change anything. But please can you give me this. Please."

"Who in their right mind is going to say no after a song dedication like that? Seriously!"

He still seemed concerned. "Please don't think I did that so you'll say yes."

I put my hands on either side of his face. I waited until he had taken a deep breath and calmed down a bit. "Edward, if I wasn't going to try why the fuck did I show up tonight?"

"Alice?"

"Pfft. I can hold my own against Alice. Simple fact. I love you Edward. Makes me do stupid shit. And see no reason, luckily it seems you have a similar mind frame cos you totes just made your band a mushie love trio."

"Haha, you're so funny Swan." He kissed me then.

**

Rose had been calling my phone non-stop for fifteen minutes. Alice had been messaging. They wanted a final word with me before Edward whisked me off home. Alas I was in a daydream as I walked towards the corner bar we'd agreed to meet at. It was embarrassing how willing I was to drop my friends in favour of Edward. He'd held my hand and shouted me drinks ever since we'd ventured back inside. We swayed to the music on the dance floor and in our own little bubble, we didn't see anyone else. We didn't speak to anyone else. A spark was back in his eye. I'd kissed him on the corner of his mouth and he kissed my collar bone. I could still feel it tingling. Everything was right between us again.

"Ahhhh Bella, you make him nervous and that's a very good thing." Rose was smugly staring at me, her drink poised at her lips. I remembered the words he had said earlier tonight and wondered if they had been listening when we went outside.

I stood with my hands on my hips, facing them both. "How do you know all this?"

Alice laughed. "We saw his performance tonight Bella….And he may have been calling us every now and then for advice."

Rose snorted. "More like daily." Alice glared at her and she shut up.

I wasn't annoyed but I needed to clarify. "So all three of you have been going behind my back, trying to get me to listen to him?"

"No!" they were in unison.

Rose laughed. And Alice began sprouting of details in her hyped up mode, she held up her hand listing of the people involved; "most definitely not! It was more like Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and finally Rose and myself. You two are all lovey dovey and its very much ridiculous fate etc. Plus now that Jaz has decided to be the groups tour manager and security guru, they will all be bloody boring because everyone is committed. And this way, we worked it all out before we had to leave. We all won! Now we just have to work out what we are going to pack because now it's all good and done."

Rose rolled her eyes. "This is so fucking mushy." Alice snorted and screamed with extreme happiness "group hug!" who was I to deny a bouncing Alice?

Just as we all squished ourselves together, Rose, the ever diplomatic one screeched "ALICE, your arse is vibrating."

Alice pulled her phone from her back pocket, appearing all calm and collected she answered. "Oh!.... It's just Jazz….hello…yes we are still here…back corner…tell him to pipe down! It was just a girly chat…. I can barely hear you…ok…we're on our way back now…" she hung up, smirking she looked at me "Bella, your fuckhot boy cracked it because he couldn't see you anywhere…Let's go."

"Alright." It was sinking in. this was real. It had actually happened.

Rose grabbed my hand, "Hey are you alright now?"

"yea..i guess I am, it just doesn't seem all that real to me. I mean we are all 'official' and stuff. You know it might take a while for me to get used to it, you know so i don't think its a dream or something stupid like that...FUCK WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Rose pinched the skin on the back of my elbow.

"Pffft. Only you would associate Edward getting over himself as a 'dream,' so I pinched you because how else are you meant to realize you're awake?" I hoped I had uncovered old wounds simmering between Rose and I.

Rubbing my arm I snapped. "what are we five years old?"

"well we are skipping off to back corners to gossip like little girls."

Alice rolled her eyes, "yes well, in case you hadn't noticed Rose, we are females. And females need to gossip, it's just the way it's done."

Rose smiled but I was still uncertain. I gave her my Bella-is-speaking-serious-face so she knew what I was referring to. "Rose, we're alright aren't we?"

"Well if you stay away from Em, then hell yes. You're my tour buddies."

Wait a second. Alice's comments about packing made sense now. "You girls are serious…The boys are going on tour?"

Alice stopped walking her jaw dropped open. Rose scoffed, "Jesus, Bella, you are bloody naïve if you think after a song like that, that these boys aren't gonna be big."

**Final A/N: This has been floating around in my head for a while. So now that it's finished, i want to say thanks for finishing this with me. This is the end of my short lived ff writing career.**


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